This was recorded live from Shoshoni Ashram in Rollinsville, Colorado, 2023 during our annual women’s fall yoga retreat, filled with radiant goddesses and yoginis. It is sung by Kalika, in a call and response format. The Green Tara Mantra- is exceedingly powerful and she is said to be the remover of all obstacles and fear. We so need that now in these times. May it be so!
Please listen to the mantra here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jn2EFAR17hQ
The Hawaiian Ho’oponopono mantra is a traditional practice deeply rooted in the cultural and spiritual fabric of Hawaii. Ho’oponopono, which means “to make right” or “to rectify,” is a process of reconciliation and forgiveness. The practice has evolved over centuries and has been handed down through generations, maintaining its significance in Hawaiian culture.
Historically, Ho’oponopono was a communal practice led by a kahuna, a Hawaiian spiritual leader or shaman. It was employed to resolve conflicts within families or communities, aiming to restore balance and harmony. The process involved open communication, apology, forgiveness, and mutual understanding. Through Ho’oponopono, Hawaiians sought to heal relationships, promote well-being, and maintain a sense of unity. The premise is that you can forgive, heal and love yourself, and that will resonate to others.
I’m sorry
Please forgive me
I love you
Thank you
In more recent times, Ho’oponopono has gained global recognition, thanks in part to the work of Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len, a Hawaiian psychologist. You can read the story called Zero Limits by Dr. Vitale. Dr. Len adapted the traditional practice into a personal development tool by introducing a mantra: “I’m sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you.” According to Dr. Len, the power of this mantra lies in taking radical responsibility for one’s experiences, pain and the world around them. The efficacy of the Ho’oponopono mantra is attributed to the belief that healing begins within oneself. By repeating these phrases, we aim to clear negative energy, release resentment and inner toxicity, and foster a sense of love, gratitude and well-being.
While the scientific evidence supporting the healing effects of Ho’oponopono may be limited, many people attest to its positive impact on their well-being. Reportedly, Dr. Hew Len was hired by the Hawaii State Hospital, to help with difficulties with their wards for the criminally insane. There was a lot of violence and restraints and many staff were assaulted, in danger and left. He reportedly opened clients files and recited the mantra over their files, and reportedly the clients decreased their behaviors, left seclusion and began to heal. The patients began to have accountability and took steps toward self care. The census in the ward declined and was later closed.
There is no concrete evidence of causation or correlation, but this powerful mantra surely evokes a sense of deep healing, self love and forgiveness. It echos the traditional forgiveness and accountability practiced in Buddhism, called maitri, karuna and The Four Powers. The practice continues to resonate with people seeking a holistic approach to healing and personal transformation, embracing both its cultural roots and modern adaptations. In the video above, you can recite this 108 times. You can use a mala rosary as a tool to help with your recitations, or recite this with one hand on the heart and one on the belly. You can recite this 108 times every day to cleanse all relational hurts, guilt, resentment and toxicity. Let us know in the comments how you feel afterwards!
I was never a fan of the show “FRIENDS” but reading about Matthew Perry’s untimely death this morning struck a deep, reflective chord in me. He passed away in a hot tub after battling for years with addiction and going in and out of rehab centers. He never married and never had any children, although he did have relationships with famous people like Julia Roberts. He and I are the same age and his tragic death caused me to reflect upon my own life, spiritual tradition and friendships. He longed to become ready to eventually let someone in and find love. He said:
”That was me afraid. I manifest something that’s wrong with them, and then I break up with them. But there can’t be something wrong with everyone. I’m the common denominator. I left first because I thought they were going to annihilate me.”
Matthew Perry- People Magazine
However, he said that he had finally ”gotten over” his ”fear of love” after becoming sober in May 2021 and said ”I’m not afraid anymore,” and said that he wanted to find love and have children.
In any 12 step program, one of the hardest things is to begin the trajectory toward healing, and take the first step and admit that you have a problem. I commend Matthew for going into rehabs to battle with his inner fears and demons. I don’t know if drugs and alcohol were involved in his death, but irrespective of that, I think his memoirs show that he was able to have a great degree of insight and accountability.
I appreciate that he did a sufficient amount of inner work to be able to see his shadow and see where he had deprived himself from really being able to go deep, and love another person by wanting to make a commitment and eventually, have a family. Just that insight alone is so rare, that a person is able to see their core issues in and their wounding and then long to heal and make personal change. This means that he was able to venture into the darkest places within himself, that a lot of us never dare to touch. As far as I’m concerned, because of this accountability, he died somewhat spiritually healed and exhibited rare bravery. Matthew, I’d like to wish you well and I would like to learn from some of the things that you shared, so that each of us could have deeper relationships, and more fulfilling lives and not let our fears, insecurities and inner demons cast us forever into a life of emotional isolation and despair.
According to the DSM5, avoidant personality disorder it is a cluster B/C personality disorder, hallmarked with a “sensitive hyper-vigilant temperament, with a general longing to relate to others.” Furthermore they have excessive fears of such issues as intolerance of any disapproval, criticism, or rejection. Love avoidants also have “inhibition in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy.”
One of the hallmarks of a love avoidant, is that they can avoid being hurt or being emotionally vulnerable, and they stay in complete control of the relationship by withholding. Love avoidants exhibit intense escapism and often sabotage any chance of someone really becoming close to them. Because of this deep inner wounding and intense insecurity, they wind up often turning to drugs and alcohol and compulsive behaviors. They can be secretive, sexually compulsive and use distancing techniques like devaluing and criticizing their partners as the method of staying in control. They sometimes are “tactile defensive,” not wanting to be touched, except for sex.
At the first moment that they become vulnerable where they perceive that their partner might want to offend, hurt or leave them, that partner who they attempted to open up to, now becomes the enemy in their mind. They will usually discard their partner vehemently. This black-and-white thinking, is called splitting, where the person that they attempted to open to, is now inaccurately perceived as “all, bad or all evil.” This is very commonly exhibited in many cluster B personality disorders, like Borderline, Antisocial and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Love avoidance is a maladaptive, protective coping skill that can come from people that were neglected or abused as children. Sometimes there are genetic factors that are inherited generationally, and in these cases there is no real treatment or cure. However, in Matthew’s case, he was capable of insight and contrition, and for people like that, there is often hope.
I wanted to share why this personally inspired me to write today. I have tried many relationships in my Buddhist community for decades with men that supposedly upheld values like: being trustworthy and safe, having ethics, compassion, patience, listening, forgiveness and indeed, 84,000 different skillful means of compassionate expression and problem solving skills. However, time and time again I would meet these men, sometimes even exalted teachers, and it became revealed that many had serious emotional issues, reactivity and commitment and control issues, that would result in conflict and breakups. I wound up marrying someone outside of my Buddhist spiritual tradition who was very sane, stable and well adjusted and we’ve been able to be married for over 22 years now.
A lot of my close Buddhist Dharma friends, both men and women are single, not all but many. I feel like if I had tried to find someone in our tradition, I probably would still be single myself. I’ve noticed that a lot of us admittedly, including myself, came in to Buddhism as westerners and spiritual seekers, because of some type of pain or core wounding or unresolved issues. The tradition values a simple, unfettered life without commitments and a strong commitment to hours of daily meditation practice.
I’ve still gotten into painful conflicts with many yogi-robed acquaintances, mostly men on social media where, I would say one benign thing that they perceived as some type of injury and they would become rageful, defame or even block me. It was pretty vicious and callous, and it’s clear that they are using our tradition to foster nothing but Spiritual Narcissism. Many of them purport to be “dharma experts” and use daily photos of Buddhist teachers and insightful quotes to gain +/-500 virtue signaling “Likes.” What a sad life and waste of time and indeed these men are often quintessential love avoidants. I know that social media becomes a place where people with significant damage, wounding and personality disorders can play out a lot of prey/predator narcissistic disordered games. For that reason, I’ve left a lot of the social media milieus, and it has given me my real life back, with time for real relationships.
The Buddha himself was a renunciate and in fact even left his wife and newborn child and all responsibilities to “self actualize.” If he had left his wife and child so callously in this day and age, we may have considered him quite selfish and legally, he would be considered a “deadbeat dad” in many countries. However, the difference between the Buddha leaving his family and going deep into his ascetic, yogic practices and meditation was that his leaving was based on a very serious longing to develop himself and foster compassion to help others. That was an act of bravery as referenced above with Mr. Perry, rather than an act of escapism and avoidance.
Since his time, we’ve had a tradition of both lay and monastic practitioners, and sometimes I wonder what the root motivation is for westerners getting involved with this tradition. If we already have deep wounding and a propensity for escapism, spiritual narcissism and love avoidance, would we then find a religion that reflects, houses and even rewards some of our maladaptive psycho-sexual and relational patterns? I do wonder sometimes if we have misconstrued this basic point, and created an entire religion and paradigm that honors and exalts the propensity to be a love avoidant and bypass our deepest fears of vulnerability, intimacy and early wounding. Just because leaving his family was ok for the Buddha doesn’t mean we should emulate him, if we in contrast, are using our tradition as a method of opiation and escapism. All we will have done is hurt ourselves and others, and wasted this precious life, in spiritual delusion.
I noticed that a lot of my friends claim to have a strong commitment to their Dharma meditation practice and have been told that they have a rare “noble birth,” and consider themselves quite spiritually accomplished and even god-forbid, superior to others. We can’t really be making ANY spiritual progress if we have simply used our tradition for this quintessential spiritual bypass. Staying alone, rejecting the world, rejecting intimacy in some type of strange, self-aggrandized, escapist renunciation is often, simply the fostering of a monumental ego and cowardice, rather than anything that looks like openness, genuine compassion and enlightenment.
If we have discovered and become honest with ourselves that we are indeed love avoidant, or we are in a relationship with a love avoidant there are ways that these patterns can be healed. The very first step is education, awareness, insight and accountability. Then, we can seek professional counseling with a DBT therapist. And for partnerships: IMAGO is one of the best relationship healing methods.
I wish that Matthew had lived long enough to accomplish his dreams of finally finding real love and intimacy, getting married and having a child. Him understanding and saying that in fact, he was the common denominator in all of these failed relationships, and that he simply was afraid of being hurt, was intensely vulnerable and brave, and indeed, healed. Love avoidants can spend their entire lives blaming others as to why their partner deserved to be hurt, abandoned left or was never, ever good enough. In Buddhism and other spiritual traditions, we formed an entire religion where people are afraid to go deeply into their lives, be vulnerable and make any commitment to really… anything that they consider “worldly.” I think if we shed light on this propensity, we can become better and go beyond our deep wounding and develop true bravery, foster healthy relationships a meaningful life and indeed- real genuine mutual loving connections. I would like to learn and be inspired by Matthew’s life and insights, and may we all have the most meaningful, honest and healed life possible.
Citations:
image: pexels evie-shaffer
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK559325/
MissLunaRose12, CC BY-SA 4.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0>, via Wikimedia Commons
ref:https://beginagaininstitute.com/blog/what-does-it-mean-to-be-love-avoidant
https://people.com/matthew-perry-dead-at-54-7501992
“An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.” ― Mahatma Gandhi
Brief reflections about these current wars, religious conflict, self-care and social action.
Please listen here: https://youtu.be/M2HmscKrAoA
Today is my birthday, the inception of a dangerous, inconsolable and heart-wrenching war in the Middle East. It is a particularly poignant fall day as one of my very close friends is dying. He is called a Vajra Brother, and we have many of the same teachers, and he sent this to me as a guide as to how to help him. I thought I would offer it to you all, as indeed, we all will pass, and there are some great instructions from two of my primary Tibetan Buddhist Teachers, Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche and Tsoknyi Rinpoche. It borrows from the world view of the Tibetan Book of the Dead and there are things that all of us can begin to prepare for now, and to help friends to be without fear.
You can download an easy to use, pdf version here.
May it be of benefit in these hard times, and may all be free of suffering.
Compiled by the Pundarika Foundation
Everyone who dies experiences the bardos, but not everyone recognizes them as their own mind. Recognition depends entirely on the quality of my prior practice.
“Not everyone goes through the bardos in the same way. Only a few teachers assert that the journey is universal and that everyone will, for example, experience the deities of the bardo of dharmata in a similar way. Most teachers say that cultural differences and personal idiosyncrasies generate a variety of experiences. Why would a Christian or a Muslim, with very different beliefs, experience death the same way as a Buddhist?
As we will see, the journey through the bardos is a journey through the mind. In the Buddhist view, the essence of the mind is the same for all sentient beings. But the surface structures that cover that essence are different. Hence the journey through the surface structures (the bardo of dying), into the essence of the mind (bardo of dharmata), and then out of it (bardo of becoming) is not the same. But the general pattern of this three-stage process is universal, at least according to the [Tibetan] Buddhist view. Holecek, pgs. 6 – 7
The key to smoothly negotiating the difficulties of death is familiarity. If you deal with some of the details now you can relax at the time of death, and relaxation is the best instruction for how to die. Relaxation is born from familiarity.” Holecek, pgs 10 – 11
Why should one learn about the bardo state? Usually we talk about three aspects: the present life, the bardo, and the next life. In the next life, following the intermediate state, we either wander further through samsaric existence, going to one of the higher or lower realms, or attain liberation and enlightenment. Right now we find ourselves in the present life, and the intermediate state, the bardo state, is between the two.
Sometimes six kinds of bardo states are discussed, but they can be condensed into four basic states. The first, the natural bardo of this life, continues from birth until the time of death. The second, the bardo of dying, is the period that begins when we meet with a fatal illness or expire. The third, the bardo of dharmata, occurs when we have fully passed away… Finally, the bardo of becoming is undergone if we have not recognized our nature in the bardo of dharmata.
In addition to these four bardos, two other bardos occur during this life: the bardo of meditation and the bardo of dreaming. The bardo of meditation is the experience of the meditation state. The bardo of dreaming is the dream state during sleep.
Literally, the Tibetan term for “bardo of this life” means “born and remaining.” We have been born from our mother and have not yet passes away. It is the period between birth and death. Here the important point in this lifetime is the bardo of meditation, which depends on receiving the oral instructions from a master and training oneself in them. Then, during the nighttime, one trains in the bardo of dreaming. If in this way one remains in the bardo of meditation throughout day and night, should one worry about any of the other bardo states? Being adept in the bardos of meditation and dreaming is sufficient. Nothing more remains to be done. But without reaching some degree of stability in meditation and the ability to recognize dreams, I am sorry to say, one cannot avoid enduring the bardo of dying.
A good Dzogchen practitioner, on the other hand, is liberated into the expanse of primordial purity during the bardo of dying. He departs through the Secret Pathway of Vajrasattva before expiring. If one is not stable at that point either one will arrive at the bardo of dharmata. Here the natural sounds, colors and lights manifest. Dharmata means nature, the unconditioned. The sounds, colors and lights are unconditioned; they manifest yet they are devoid of self-nature. If one also lacks stability in the bardo of dharmata, sadly enough, one will wander further down into the samsaric circle of seeking another rebirth within the six realms.
As I mentioned earlier, being liberated into the expanse of primordial purity at the moment of death is the best. At this point, one will go through the experiences of appearance, increase and attainment. The first of these three experiences, the whiteness of appearance, occurs with the descent of the white element obtained from one’s father. The second experience, the redness of increase, occurs with the ascent of the red element obtained from one’s mother. The third experience is the actual moment of death.
What follows the moment of this third experience is the fourth experience, the so-called ground luminosity of full attainment. A scripture states: “Then dawns the unconditional wakefulness of bliss and emptiness.” The wakefulness is empty as well as blissful, and if one can recognize it, it is exactly the mahamudra of bliss and emptiness, the mahasiddhi of awareness and emptiness, or the madhyamika of appearance and emptiness.
In most cases, however, following the three experiences of the whiteness of appearance, the redness of increase and the blackness of attainment, one’s consciousness, also called prana-mind, faints in the black experience of the white and red elements meeting together in the heart center.
This moment of unconsciousness is for all ordinary people simply an oblivious state, lasting for the most part for about three and a half days. On the morning of the fourth day, manifestations suddenly unfold as if the sky and earth were rent asunder. One has been unconscious, totally oblivious, not noticing anything up to this point, so one will wonder, “What happened?”
Conventionally, this is of three days’ duration, but actually there is no fixed measure. For those familiar with meditation, it lasts as long as their meditation state, the duration of non-distraction from mind-essence. For people without training in recognizing mind-essence, these “days” just flash past. For those with virtue and evil in equal measure, the duration is approximately three days. What actually happens at this point is that the fourth experience, the ground luminosity of full attainment, is not recognized and one falls unconscious. That happens for most beings. Quite a few people suffer at this moment because of their intense panic and fear of death. A cry of anguish follows, and then they lose consciousness.
After the passing of three and a half days, one awakens from this oblivious state wondering, “What happened to me?” The consciousness leaves the body through one of the eight or nine apertures. It seems quite strange that the mind, which is without any concrete substance, must leave through an opening of the body. If the mind departs through the top of the head, it is said that one goes to the higher realms or continues on the path of liberation. In fact there are several openings on the top of the head. One leads to the Formless Realm, another to the Realm of Form, and yet another to the Pure Lands.
After the consciousness has separated from the body, it will, in the bardo of becoming, go to one of the six realms in keeping with one’s individual karma.
According to the system of Karling Shitro, everything happens within the time span of forty-nine days: the peaceful deities manifest in the first week, the wrathful ones in the second week, and so forth. For some people everything just flickers by; for others it might happen slowly. Time and occurrence remain unfixed.
On the other hand, if one is a trained practitioner, one will recognize, “This is the experience of appearance!” when the whiteness appears, bright and vivid. And when the redness occurs, one will know, “This is the redness!” Finally, when everything goes black, one will acknowledge, “This is the attainment, the blackness!”
After these three experiences, one will also recognize when the ground luminosity of full attainment manifests like a lamp within a vase. At first there is an instant of fainting while the eighty inherent thought states cease. Nothing accompanies the cessation of all thought states but nonconceptual awareness as bright as a lamp in a vase. It is cognizant, nonconceptual, and remains one-pointedly, the union of luminosity and emptiness. That is the ground luminosity, which is like a mother. This means that dharmata, self-existing wakefulness, the sugatagarbha, is like a mother. The recognition of it, which one’s master has pointed out, is like a child. At this moment, the mother and child reunite. The traditional analogy is that it is “like a child jumping into its mother’s lap.” People who are experienced in such practice understand this, and everything stands and falls with that understanding.
At present, the vital point in our practice is to recognize the nature of awareness. We hear statements such as “Recognize your awareness!” or “He has recognized rigpa, the awareness!” Having recognized awareness during one’s lifetime, the key point here is to remain in it – to refrain from losing its continuity. At the instant of the cessation of the eighty thought states, self-existing wakefulness is vividly present – like pure and refined gold, the purity by itself. One can recognize it fully and completely. That is how it has been taught.
This moment has been spoken of thus: “One instant makes the difference. In one instant complete enlightenment.” In the moment of recognition one can attain full enlightenment. That is the meaning of the statement: “The best practitioner attains buddhahood in the dharmakaya at the moment of death.”
If one cannot recognize in that way, however, the next bardo, the bardo of dharmata, will manifest. After the elements and the consciousness have dissolved into space, the stages of space dissolve into luminosity, luminosity dissolves into wisdom, and wisdom dissolves into unity. Unity here means the peaceful and wrathful deities. Following that, unity dissolves into spontaneous presence.
Spontaneous presence refers to that which is originally or inherently present within the ground of primordial purity. Some people wonder, “Where do all these deities and lights come from?” They are the manifestations of the wakefulness spontaneous presence. In the practice of Thogal, as well as in the bardo of dharmata, many deities appear. Those deities are dharmata. They are not conditioned entities but are of an unconditioned nature. Having neither flesh nor blood, they consist of rainbow lights. The key point in the bardo of dharmata is simply to rest in awareness. Without such ability, this bardo lasts no longer than a few flickering moments.
Bardo teachings may sound very fascinating and colorful, but the vital point is one’s individual practice now. Why have medicine when sick, if one doesn’t use it? Without training, our studies become mere intellectual understanding. If study were sufficient, we could simply lean back and read a book about Dzogchen. In fact, there is no way around actual training.
The reading of The Liberation through Hearing in the Bardo aloud for a dead person according to the system of Karling Shitro, is to remind a practitioner who possesses prior training. It is definitely necessary. The most important point is that the reader be someone close to the dead person, one with shared samayas. If the deceased becomes irritated with the reader, there will be no benefit. The two people should, at best, share the same teacher and be compatible. In that case there will be tremendous benefits.
On the other hand, without prior training in recognition of mind-essence, one will be unable to attain stability in the bardo state. A person who never recognized his mind-essence will, in the first place, fail to cut through the misery and fear of dying, and later, when the intense and overwhelming experiences of the sounds, colors, and lights occur, he will be paralyzed with fear. The sounds will roar like one hundred thousand thunderclaps and the lights will shine more brilliantly then one hundred thousand suns. It is not just a dim glimmering light. Those are the sounds, colors, and lights of the bardo of dharmata. One will feel drawn to them. One therefore must attain at least some degree of stability through practice right now.
It is also important to have confidence in these teachings and to develop the determination to be clear-headed in the bardo and recognize what takes place. One must have confidence or all will be lost.
At best, one should receive the pointing-out instructions from a qualified master. Success in the bardo comes from applying one’s present practice of mind-essence at the time of death. Only training dispels the confusion that arises during the bardo state. That is why one must practice the stages of development and completion right now. Recognize this, and then one will experience at death what one is already familiar with through practice.
……The whole reason for receiving bardo teachings has been traditionally described as that of “connecting a broken water pipe.” By training right now, one will be able to continue the “flow” of practice through the bardo state to the following life. In the Dzogchen system bardo training is indispensable. If one has already reached perfection in the practice of Thogal, then there is no need for bardo teachings. In this age, however, life is short, diseases are many, and diligence is feeble. Although one may have entered the path of the Great Perfection, without attaining stability in one’s practice and not being able to know whether the time of death will arrive suddenly, one definitely needs the instruction on how to “connect the broken water pipe.” One will then be able to attain enlightenment in the bardo state, to proceed to a buddha field, or at least gain a rebirth in one of the higher realms. So these are necessary teachings, especially if one meets an untimely death.
When practicing these teachings one must have confidence and trust and be free from doubt. This teaching is like a guide leading the blind in the right direction. To take the hand of such a guide, one needs trust. Without trust, one might lose one’s way. With trust, one will reach the destination. Mirror of Mindfulness, pgs. 2 – 11
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Before death is upon me it is important for me to set my intention on training my mind to maintain stability in my dzogchen practice. It is so easy for me to get distracted in this life and, if not corrected I will be swept away in the coming bardos as easily as I can be swept into thought, emotion and action right now.
“The painful bardo of dying is painful because it hurts to let go. But now is the time when we have to. Letting go is just a euphemism for death, and releasing our grip is what transforms the painful bardo of dying into simply the bardo of dying.” Holecek, pg. 68.
Now is the time to:
• Realize with certainty that the whole purpose of the path in this lifetime has been to cultivate bodhicitta, correct my misperception and uncover self-existing wisdom so that cognizance (sambogakaya) knows its own empty nature (dharmakaya). At the time of death, with the dissolving of the elements and consciousness into space (dharmakaya), and space into luminosity, nothing of this conceptual mindstream remains to obscure natural mind’s empty radiance. My intention as a practitioner is to rest in ground luminosity of full attainment, and so reach the destination of enlightenment via the shortest route.
• Make my Dharma Box & finish my legal papers and directives.
• Tell my Dharma friends that before I die I need to be seated upright or in the Lion’s Posture. Direct them to burn my Dharma notebooks and journals with me upon my death.
• Plan my last thought, for it will influence my journey through the bardos. For example, I intend to think: “Now death is coming. It’s my time to die and my intention is to have a still, clear mind. I will supplicate my precious teachers, Tsoknyi Rinpoche and Guru Rinpoche to be with me as I transit the bardos.”
• I intend to rely upon the stability of my practice. By practicing diligently right now, I will establish the ability to sustain rigpa. It will be invaluable in transiting the bardos of death and dying.
• Prepare for the journey so that my heart will be filled with bodhicitta and there will be a calm atmosphere. I know friends & family may be upset, but since I will need to focus, the kindest thing they can do for me is to remain calm, loving and supportive as I concentrate on my practice. I would be grateful if they could participate in the calm atmosphere of the room, which will be silent except for the prayers and mantras I have selected and the instructions whispered in my ear by my lama or Dharma friend. If it’s not possible for them to be calm and quiet, I cannot have them in the room and hope they will understand why.
• Understand what is dissolving. When elements composing the body dissolve, it is just the impure aspects that dissolve, leaving the pure aspects to move into the central channel. This makes for an increase in pure energy, wisdom-wind. With this accumulation of wisdom-wind, it’s much easier to liberate in the Bardo of Dying than it had been in this life.
• Know that actual experiences may not be in the order described, but it will all happen. If I’m not concentrating undistractedly on my practice, it will all pass by quickly. Only with stable awareness will there be time to recognize the nature of mind and attain liberation.
• Be happy and grateful that I have had a teacher and access to teachings that familiarizes me with what is to come in the bardos and how to practice for them! Through our connection, I have confidence that I will feel Tsoknyi Rinpoche’s presence and support.
• Although I intend to persevere in stabilizing my mind and rehearse going through the bardos without distraction, if I die suddenly the the most effective thing to do is chant Om Mani Padme Hum. I trust this will help me overcome the inevitable shock and confusion. I’ll need to recognize I’m dead, call upon Tsoknyi Rinpoche’s support and stabilize my mind in its empty nature.
Points in Turquoise are outer signs; red are Inner signs; Purple are secret signs. Green denotes practices that are appropriate at this time.
Blue denotes instructions for my Dharma friend.
The journey begins with experiencing the dissolution of the coarse body, its consciousnesses and the sense bases.
This is called:
The Four Instances:
earth into water, water into fire, fire into wind, wind into consciousness
Maintaining rigpa, the basic space of phenomena, without distraction is essential. Remember: All dissolution experiences in the bardos are simply projections of my mind.
Earth element (flesh & bones) dissolves into water element
• I feel physical and mental heaviness, as if I am being crushed
• Eye base, its consciousness and sight are vanishing
• Intense cracking resounds, as if a mountain is crumbling
• All that appears is like a mirage
• I can envision Rinpoche at my heart center and with devotion offer supplications
•Whispering in my ear, my Dharma friend can help me express “I’m experiencing
the process of death.”
Water element (blood, saliva, urine, etc.) dissolves into fire element
• I have leakage of fluids followed by intense thirst; the body is drying out
• Mind buzzes and is agitated; increasing irritability and loss of mental clarity
• Ear base, its consciousness and hearing are vanishing
• All that appears is smoke-like
• Sounds of great waves crashing resound
• I can envision Rinpoche at my navel center and with devotion offer supplications
• Whispering in my ear, my Dharma friend can help me recognize these signs
Fire element (warmth) dissolves into wind element
• My body rapidly goes from being hot to cold
• I can no longer speak
• My mental clarity vacillates; it’s hard to recognize people and I may have
hallucinations
• Nose base and its consciousness are disappearing
• All that appears is like fireflies or sparks
• Sounds of an immense fire storm resound
• I can envision Rinpoche at my forehead and with devotion offer supplications
• Whispering in my ear, my Dharma friend can help me recognize these signs
Wind element (breath) dissolves into consciousness
•My breath shortens, rattles and soon disappears
•My taste and tactile bases and their consciousnesses are vanishing
•All that appears is a brightly shining torch or butter lamp
• Sound like a dragon’s roar resounds
• Breath stops = clinical death
• Whispering in my ear, my Dharma friend needs to tell me this has happened and
it’s time to concentrate on the final dissolution that is now about to happen.
• The Kuntuzangpo prayer should be read at the conclusion of the three (+) days and its amulet is placed on my heart. If I have a “Bardo garb”, it should be burned on my body, along with all of my Dharma journals and notebooks when it is time for my cremation.
• If possible, Tsoknyi Rinpoche, or other lamas should be contacted to say prayers.
• Anis can be contacted through the Pundarika website to do weekly pujas from this point on through the 49 days. If a local lama or monk has been in attendance at my death ask him to continue as well.
• During this time the inner dissolution continues taking place as the white element from my father moves down to the heart and the red element from my mother moves up to the heart where they rest in union, squeezing out consciousness.
This is called: Appearance, Increase, Attainment, and Full Attainment
This phase of the Bardo of Dying marks the subtle dissolution and disappearance of
the consciousness of my conceptual, afflictive mind. With Full Attainment, I intend to experience the emergence of brilliant, unfabricated, non-conceptual dharmakaya. This is the natural, empty basic space of the self-cognizant nature of mind.
* The afflictive consciousnesses (6, 7, 8) of my mistaken thoughts and disturbing emotions now dissolve. The total dissolution of these consciousnesses, which comprise my dualistic mind (the ability to perceive, conceptualize, grasp onto objects, give rise to kleshas, and to project a self to others) and in particular the alaya-vijñāna (8th consciousness – the storehouse that carries my karmic seeds) are ceasing for this lifetime, just as the external breath in my physical body ceased previously.
* There are 4 stages: Appearance, Increase, Attainment, and Full Attainment
Each of these phases progressively dissolves the afflictions I have developed over lifetimes. The functions of my relative, conceptual mind are ceasing; my consciousness is ceasing to apprehend objects and engage conceptually with them. Finally, the samsaric appearances of this lifetime evaporate with the cessation of my
dualistic consciousness.
*What then bursts into appearance is limitless, pure, non-dual, non-conceptual, vivid
dharmakaya. It will appear brighter than 1000 or even 100,000 suns.
Appearance dissolves into the Mind of Increase: the Whiteness
• Vast and perfectly clear sky lit by a halo of light, also described as a luminous
white light, like a moonlit cloudless night
• All thoughts related to aggression cease
• Secret sign: nature of mind’s uncommon clarity free of concepts
• It’s helpful if my Dharma friend whispers in my ear: “No matter what
appearances arise, don’t attach to them. Maintain strong alertness and cut through appearances.”
Increase dissolves into Mind of Attainment: the Redness
• Luminous red light in a cloudless sky, like a beautiful sunrise
• All thoughts of passion and desire cease
• Secret signs: wisdom of increase, a natural ceasing of ignorance.
• Do not get drawn into this appearance…it is easy to get attached to its beauty! • It’s helpful if my Dharma friend whispers in my ear: “No matter what
appearances arise, don’t attach to them. Maintain strong alertness and cut through appearances.
Attainment dissolves into space: the Blackness
• Luminous dark sky without any sunlight, moonlight or starlight
• Thoughts related to ignorance cease and all conceptuality ceases
• Secret sign: wisdom of attainment, heightened experience of thought-free
indivisible bliss and clarity
• Again, it’s helpful if my Dharma friend whispers in my ear: “No matter what appearances arise, don’t attach to them. Maintain strong mindfulness and cut through appearances.”
• Inner respiration ceases, which is the actual point of my death and the end of this life.
• In this blackness it’s easy to fall unconsciousness and completely miss full attainment, waking up in the Bardo of Dharmata instead.
• I must remain mindful, stable and alert, for Full Attainment, my best chance for attaining enlightenment, is about to arise!
Full Attainment: space dissolves into Ground Luminosity
• This is the nature of Dharmakaya, free of limitations, dimensions or
characteristics
• Vast and open like a clear, luminous sky in autumn, brighter than thousands of
suns
• This is known as Ground of Dharmakaya and Mother Luminosity meeting the Child Luminosity I have experienced in rigpa practice. It is my empty essence, fully unveiled.
“Yogins who realize their very essence attain buddhahood once freed from the confines of the physical body.” Longchenpa, pg. 397
• This is when I can enter “five days” of non-distracted meditative concentration or tukdam. Its duration is measured by each “day” lasting as long as my meditation abides in non-conceptual wisdom times five (five minutes = 25 min). Without recognition of dharmakaya’s empty nature, each day is over in a second, with no opportunity to liberate.
• During tukdam my mind is still in the body, so I will appear asleep. There is warmth at the heart and there is no rigor mortis or smell during the time when my body is left in place.
• My Dharma friend needs to be aware of these signs indicating that my mind has not yet left the body and not disturb me or let anyone else disturb me.
• At the end of this phase, either intentionally or through the reactivation of the winds of karma, consciousness leaves the body through one of nine portals.“The red bindu continues its ascent and can sometimes be seen as blood coming out of the nose or mouth. The white bindu continues its descent and can sometimes be seen as a white discharge coming from the urethra. This separation of the red and white bindus releases the indestructible bindu at the heart, where consciousness is held.” Holecek, pg. 83
However, if I’m overwhelmed by the brightness of dharmakaya’s light, I will instantly fall unconscious and not have the opportunity to be liberated. Instead, I will wake up in the Bardo of Dharmata.
The Bardo of Luminous Dharmata
“Now when the bardo of dharmata dawns upon me,
I will abandon all thoughts of fear and terror,
I will recognize whatever appears as my projection
and know it to be a vision of the bardo; now that I have reached this critical point, I will not fear the peaceful and wrathful ones, my own projections.”
• If I recognized my true nature in the Full Attainment experience of the Ground Luminosity, then I have attained enlightenment in the great original state of primordial purity and will not go into this next bardo.
• If I became unconscious & didn’t recognize the nature of my mind upon seeing the brilliant light of Ground Luminosity, I’ll wake up in the Bardo of Sambogakaya/ Suchness, the Bardo of Dharmata.
• The Ground Luminosity of Dharmakaya that appeared at the time of death during Full Attainment was completely pure in nature and had no appearance. Arising out of it is this next bardo, the Bardo of Dharmata, also called Bardo of Luminosity and Suchness. It has been likened to the Big Bang in that it’s full of densely packed dynamic energy. This is inherent buddha-nature expressed in sounds and lights and will rapidly emerge as form. It is “spontaneous presence,” out of which all phenomena of samsara and nirvana will arise, and into which they will eventually be reabsorbed.
• Expressions of wisdom-mind appear in this bardo because I’m now free of the ordinary eight consciousnesses and their reliance upon sense objects. It is the pure knowing of the suchness of everything, knowing the luminosity and empty nature even though there’s form.
• Sambogakaya luminosity, the unconditioned nature, is the essence of all the experiences in the Bardo of Dharmata including the frightening images. It will take meditative effort to realize these are from my own mind because they appear to be outside of me and as such will feel like the relative reality I’ve left behind.
• I must remember that all appearances are the nature of my mind and as such, are the basic space of phenomena that I have trained in during rigpa practice during this lifetime. In light of this, Rinpoche recommends watching scary movies to train in recognizing the illusory nature of fearsome images and experiences.
• At this point there still are opportunities to recognize the nature of my mind. However from here on, through the Karmic Bardo of Becoming, it will be increasingly more difficult for me to recognize the nature of mind. I need to remain alert, especially now as I encounter the experiences of spontaneous presence in their intrinsic dynamic forms and not in the forms I am used to.
The following are experiences I will encounter as they appear to Nyingma, Kagyu, Vajrayana and Dzogchen practitioner. Different images may be projected by practitioners of other lineages and non-Buddhists. These, like all else, are only projections of my mind; recognition of their empty nature will bring liberation.
• The hundred peaceful and wrathful (heruka) deities, which are manifestations of the wakefulness of spontaneous presence. These deities are unconditioned and composed of rainbow light, no matter how real or solid they appear.
• The five Buddha families: Vajra, Ratna, Padma, Karma, Buddha.
• The four wisdom lights of blue, yellow, red and white (the fifth, green, will not manifest here).
• Finally, wisdom, which is originally present within the ground of primordial purity, will dissolve into spontaneous presence.
If I depart the Bardo of Dharmata without attaining liberation, the last remaining possibility is:
The Karmic Bardo of Becoming
“Do not be distracted. This is the dividing line where Buddhas and sentient beings are separated. It is said of this moment: In an instant, they are separated, in an instant, complete
enlightenment.” The Tibetan Book of the Dead
This is the time to not be distracted by all that will be going on. Use as much effort as it takes to stay focused and still. Although it is difficult, non-distraction can bring liberation, even in this final bardo.
• In about 4 1⁄2 days my consciousness begins to wake up.
• Having no physical body, just a mental body with lifetimes of collected karmic patterns, I will be automatically tossed about by every subtle thought and emotion that arises. I will arrive instantly at any place my mind touches upon. This mental body is easily distracted and easily forgets what is going on and what has to be done to bring about liberation or a good rebirth.
• This can be a very disturbing and frightening experience if I lose mental stability and do not recognize my own mind’s nature. I must use any meditative strength I have to stay mentally clear and alert.
• My karma, based on my life and previous lives, will lead me to be reborn in one of the six realms: god, demi-god, human, animal, hungry ghost or one of the hells. None of these are eternal “places”, but are qualities of mind and samsaric states projected by minds. They are determined by my karma and at this point, by whatever ability I have to practice at this time.
• It is said that chanting Om Mani Padme Hum can close the door to the six realms.
• If I’ve made an aspiration for rebirth in a pure land, focus on it now and visualize it and its yidam. This is a very good choice – but I must practice for it to occur.
May I have a safe journey and a beneficial rebirth …..Om Mani Padme Hum!
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What is the best thing a student can do before death?
Refresh the teachings. Whatever you have received, go through your database of teachings and refresh it. There are a lot of teachings, but try to capture the essential points of what you have received. The main points are to be detached and to refresh your recognition of the nature of mind.
What is the best meditation to do before death?
For older students, find the nature of mind, which is mind beyond death and dying. This mind doesn’t die. Find that mind and rest there. For newer students, they can rest in meditation. Mostly it depends on each person, according to their own belief to create some hope. It’s ok to connect to your own belief to find some peace.
What is the best thing to do when someone is actually dying?
There are several options here. One option is if you have a yidam, you can grab onto that. By doing that, the yidam binds your mind. Again, whatever is happening, whatever is dissolving, the best thing is to maintain the unborn mind, the recognition of mind. Don’t be afraid of the dissolution. Things may be dissolving but you are resting in the nature of mind which is beyond dissolution and death.
What is the best thing for the sangha to do to help the dying person?
If you know the person’s yidam, that is very good. Invoke the mind of the yidam, and mix your mind, the mind of the dying person, and the mind of the yidam together – then rest in the nature of mind. That is a very big support for the one who is dying.
Should the sangha do the yidam practice along with dying person?
Yes. If the helping person is familiar [with] and understands the yidam practice, then they can remind the dying person of the qualities of the yidam. It is also helpful to recite the mantra of the yidam. The dying person can recite it and the sangha at the side of the dying person can rest in it with them….It is also good to read vajra songs and doha [songs] of fearlessness. Beginner practitioners can also do this. Read teachings on mahamudra, dzogchen, and other inspiring readings, along with the Tibetan Book of the Dead.
The helping person has to have some kind of intuition and be able to adjust according to the person who is dying. If they are Christian, say something to connect them with God. If they are Buddhist, say something to help them connect to the underlying mind. If they are a free thinker, then help them connect with the peace in their mind in order to let go of fear. You have to see and understand the person in order to know how to best say: “Relax, let it go”.
Provide what gives them hope beyond life – whether it’s God, the pure lands, or the underlying, unchanging mind. Most importantly, the helping person needs to use their intuition and wisdom to properly convey what they understand, and to match the belief of the dying person.
What’s the best thing to do when someone wakes up in the bardo after death?
The first thing to do is to recognize that you are dead. Secondly, you should know that all the phenomena that you are experiencing now are bardo phenomena. Know that everything is the expression of your own mind. Think to yourself “I’m not going to go crazy with the expressions of my mind. I’m going to try to find the nature of my own mind, which is beyond the delusion.” Everything that is happening is the expression of your mind. It is better to not get caught up in that expression but to capture the seat of the nature of mind.
What is the best thing that sangha can do to support someone after they have died?
In a general way, every week you can do practices for them, because every week they have a chance to change their life, to change the course of their bardo experience. The most important thing for changing in the bardo is to know that they have lived their life properly and can therefore let go of that life with confidence. On that day you can do more puja or prayers, or you can go through the Tibetan Book of the Dead, day by day. If you can read it in the house where they live, where they spent the most time, that is best, because they usually come back to familiar places. They probably will not recognize that they are dead, and then they may click onto some good things, like remembering the teachings and what they should do.
Any final comments, Rinpoche, if you were at the side of someone who was dying?
Two things. First, if they are willing to hear your advice, then give them hope. Tell them that the relative is dying, the ultimate is not dying. Give them hope that they can recognize the ultimate, the nature of their mind, the mind that is unchanging and undying. You have to give a little promotion on the deathless side. Secondly, then the
phenomena of this life that they are leaving, that they used properly – just let it go.
Holecek, pgs. 303 – 306
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From Joan Halifax, who has worked with the dying for over 30 years:
“The concept of a good death can put unbearable pressure on dying people and caregivers, and can take us away from death’s mystery and the richness of not knowing. Our expectation of how someone should die can give rise to subtle or direct coerciveness. No one wants to be judged for how well she dies! “Death with dignity” is another concept that can become another obstacle to what is really happening. Dying can be very undignified. Often, it’s not dignified at all, with spoiled bedclothes and sheets, bodily fluids and flailing, nudity and strange sexuality, confusion and rough language…good death, death with dignity – can be unfortunate fabrications that we use to protect ourselves against the sometimes raw and wondrous truth of dying. “
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Kuntuzangpo’s Prayer: www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSbldGbH3Ok ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bibliography:
Reproduced from The Pundarika Foundation
The Bardo Supplication by the Lord of the Conquerors Kunga Paljor, source for oral Bardo
Teachings by Tsoknyi Rinpoche
Dying with Confidence, Anyen Rinpoche
Freedom in Bondage, Erik Pema Kunsang and Marcia Schmidt
Kindness, Clarity, and Insight, The Dalai Lama
Life in Relation to Death, Chagdud Rinpoche
Mind Beyond Death, Dzogchen Ponlop
Mirror of Mindfulness, Tsele Natsok Rangdrol and Erik Pema Kunsang
Preparing to Die, Andrew Holecek
Rest for the Fortunate, Bardor Tulku Rinpoche
The Precious Treasury of The Way of Abiding, Longchen Rabjam
The Precious Treasury of The Basic Space of Phenomena, Longchen Rabjam
Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, Sogyal Rinpoche
Tibetan Book of the Dead, various translations; the most useful is: an adaptation by Jean-Claude van Itallie, Tibetan Book of the Dead for Reading Aloud
Treasures from Juniper Ridge, Padmasambhava
“How can you hate and delete people and be on the journey toward inner peace?
Forgive everyone, clear the karma. Recontact them and heal it, tell them you hold no negativity. Even if you didn’t like what they did. They are not their conduct. Everyone that you had some connection with your exes, family, siblings even if they have died their karmic traces live in you, so heal it, show appreciation. Maybe you shared some good moments? Heal it all. You are powerful, your love, your compassion.
Learn from the ones that trigger you- Shed light on light.”Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche, Crestone October, 2023
This quote was from one of my spiritual teachers on retreat this year. He’s speaking to the callous tendency for people to have a very low tolerance for conflict and to use social media to be blocking and discarding people, wantonly. He actually suggested for us to unblock people, and even recontact all old exes, friends and relatives who we may be estranged from and heal any hurt, conflict or karma. Furthermore, he wanted us to do this even if they have passed, heal it in your mind or ceremonially. I agree with him, and one of my other teachers told me that part of our Bodhisattva vow is that we are obligated to resolve conflict or pain with someone if we can, even if it wasn’t our fault. I wrote an article about living and dying without regret here.
This is very noble, a true Buddha’s mind and heart would always be open, vast, compassionate, and welcoming, with no karmic entanglements. This is a very big, HOWEVER, when it comes to relating with narcissistic people, the normal relational rules change dramatically.
Most of us understand, by now, the basic patterning of what it’s like to have been in contact with the person who is high on the narcissistic spectrum. Unfortunately, people with these disorders are not capable of having healthy, supportive, equitable relationships. Narcissistic or antisocial people are caught in a painful repeating cycle of: Love bombing, idealize and then devaluing and insulting you and then when you confront them or can see behind their mask, they will usually have a narcissistic rage or injury. Right in the midst of the emotional attack, which can be brutal, they will typically block, discard or silence you. Then, there are the infamous smear campaigns to justify what they did, and sometimes they will try to hook or hoover you back into their lair, for another cat and mouse batting.
There is no way to break this pattern, and there’s nothing that you can do to heal it by fixing them. Let me repeat: “There is no way to break this pattern, and there’s nothing that you can do to heal it by fixing them.”
Narcissistic or antisocial people flourish by having a target of blame to hide their hidden shadow. They often have an inflated, grandiose sense of self, can do no wrong, have no empathy, conscience, or accountability. They very rarely ever seek help or therapy, and any apologies are typically used as a manipulation tactic to hoover you back in to the cycle.
I really believe that there are even sadistic tendencies, they actually enjoy knowing that they have power and control over you and receive narcissistic supply by you staying hurt, disempowered or even disabled. It’s not about love, it’s a game of who wins. As much as we may genuinely love this person, appreciate them and are hurting, we’re simply caught in a very powerful, toxic trauma bond of longing to heal.
However, there’s no way to heal it relationally with a person who is disordered. Narcissists and antisocials are different, we must see that and love and value ourselves enough to get out. The only way to heal is to stop re-traumatizing ourselves, and rebuild our inner foundation that was broken by being in contact, and being emotionally vulnerable to a narcissist.
There are a few ways to heal if you feel an overwhelming amount of unprocessed grief and emotion after you’ve been discarded. One way is to write a long letter to the narcissist, never send it and then burn it ceremonially and wish them well. Secondly, since we were emotionally gaslit, it’s hard to remember all the hurtful things that transpired, so it’s a good idea to make a REALITY list of the hurt, abuse and their disordered conduct. Keep that on your phone and read it whenever you feel any hope that you could resolve it with this person that hurt you, so thoroughly and deeply. The first list, name it: “This is Not Love, This is a Trauma Bond“. Then in contrast, write a second list called “I Call In Genuine Love.” In the second list, talk about the qualities of genuine love and respect that you would like to create in your life and in all relationships.
Going no contact with a narcissist can be challenging, but is often necessary for your mental and emotional well-being, and healing cannot really begin if we keep exposing our nervous systems to harm. I know it’s hard, and seems uncompassionate, but we must know and finally admit that these people DO NOT LOVE US. Here are five ways to go no contact with a narcissist and why it’s important to heal:
Both gray rock and yellow rock, or low contact, can be strategies to protect yourself from the negative effects of a narcissist while maintaining some level of interaction when going fully no contact is not possible or practical. I know from first-hand experience, this whole process is very difficult. We always want to see the good in people, and we always long to resolve conflict. However, we must understand thoroughly that narcissistic or antisocial people actually thrive on conflict and no resolve is possible.
Having been discarded, we do tend to ruminate and it never feels resolved. We have to find a way to uncover inner peace, health, and wellness even after this type of abuse. No contact isn’t just about social media blocking, it’s about not giving that person any more mental or emotional energy.
There’s an old story of two celibate monks who encountered a beautiful woman at the foot of a small river that they needed to cross. One of the monks offers to pick her up and brings her across the river and drops her off at the other side. After about a mile of walking, his friend says “you know it’s against our monastic vows for you to have picked up that woman like that.” The monk replies “I dropped her off a mile ago, why are you still carrying her with you?” The ultimate no contact is to let them go from your mind and heart. We can wish them well, and pray that through education and social awareness, that we learn to spot these types of people and don’t get entrapped by toxic people or patterns.
It’s also important to remember that healing and seeking professional support from a therapist, support group or coach, are crucial, regardless of the level of contact you maintain with a narcissist. With education, no contact and self-care, very deep and profound emotional and soul-level healing, over time is not only possible, but… probable.
Warmest healing wishes to all in your recovery!
Please listen to my personal story.
October was first declared as National Domestic Violence Awareness Month in 1989. Since then, October has been a time to acknowledge domestic violence survivors and be a voice for its victims, and I wanted to compile a list of resources for those in need. Domestic violence is prevalent in every community, and affects all people regardless of age, socio-economic status, sexual orientation, gender, race, religion, or nationality and way more ubiquitous than previously understood.
Physical violence is often accompanied by emotionally abusive and controlling behavior and silencing as part of a much larger, systematic pattern of dominance and control and can happen in interpersonal relationships, families and organizational communities like a church. Domestic violence can result in physical injury, psychological trauma, deep lifelong wounding and even sadly, death. The devastating consequences of domestic violence can cross generations and last a lifetime, but there is help and hope, you are not alone!
Although there has been substantial progress in reducing domestic violence, the numbers are shocking. There is an average of 20 people who are physically abused by intimate partners every minute! This equates to more than 10 million abuse victims annually. These numbers, and my own experience as a survivor, inspire me to do whatever I can to help vulnerable fellow women and children to seek healing and safety.
1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been physically abused by an intimate partner, and 1 in 5 women and 1 in 7 men have been severely physically abused by an intimate partner.
Millions of Americans, mostly women, live like I did in daily, silent fear within their own homes. In addition, every year millions of children are exposed to domestic violence, and they often go unnoticed, with no adult to protect them. I wish, in retrospect, that someone had seen the signs in my family and intervened. People also know about child abuse and, mindbogglingly, do nothing about it.
Domestic violence incidents affect every person within a home and can have long-lasting negative effects on children’s emotional well-being, and social and academic functioning. We must shed light here now. Please listen to my personal story above about hurt and hope, and get help now.
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN) has compiled a list of helpful resources for parents and caregivers, children and teens, mental health providers, child welfare workers, law enforcement professionals, educators and school staff, and policymakers.
https://www.nctsn.org/what-is-child-trauma
Crisis situations often stem from multiple unaddressed issues with a person’s ability to exist comfortably in their environment. Whether you are in crisis, approaching crisis, or supporting someone in crisis — slow down, take a moment to sense what is happening in your body, and remember that you do not need to navigate this alone.
https://projectlets.org/resources
Text 401-400-2905 for urgent support with psychiatric incarceration/involuntary hospitalization.
• Create a safety plan or Psychiatric Advance Directive
• Peer Respite Centers
• Emergency Action for Panic Attacks
• Questions to Ask Before Giving Up
• Crisis Information: Important Stuff to Know Beyond Awareness
• The Project LETS Crisis Approach
This is the foremost first step for people experiencing Domestic Violence (D.V.) Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at:
1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224.
Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)Chat live now
Text “START” to 88788
D.V. can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socio-economic backgrounds and education levels. If there is no physical or sexual assault, sometimes the abuse is covert, and very hard to recognize.
Abuse is a repetitive pattern of behaviors to maintain power and control over an intimate partner. These are behaviors that physically harm, arouse fear, prevent a partner from doing what they wish or force them to behave in ways they do not want. Abuse includes the use of physical and sexual violence, threats and intimidation, emotional abuse, silencing and secrecy and economic exploitation or deprivation. Many of these different forms of abuse can be going on at any one time and can be in families or entire communities. Abuse can have life-long scars, but with awareness, treatment and support, we can learn to heal and be safe.
This was given to me a few years back by a counselor. Think of the wheel as a diagram of the tactics your abusive partner, family member or community uses to keep you in the relationship. While the inside of the wheel consists of subtle, continual behaviors, the outer ring represents physical, visible violence. These are the abusive acts that are more overt and forceful, and often the intense acts that reinforce the regular use of other subtler methods of abuse. This was very insightful because abuse can happen even if it is covert. It took me YEARS to see this and I’m beginning to stop recreating this in my life. Please get help if you are in an abusive relationship or community, you are not alone, regaining your strength and healing is possible!
I’m taking this program right now, created by a fellow survivor, Sandra Brown, and it has been very helpful for domestic violence survivors, and survivors of narcissistic/psychopathic/Cluster B personality disordered abuse.
https://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/living-recovery-program-4
https://vpc.org/studies/wmmw2020.pdf
PLEASE LISTEN TO THE VIDEO HERE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kfl2QVIn_KE
“There is no evil. It’s relative. There aren’t any truly evil people. The ones that hurt need the most help, not punishment, they need our kindness.”
Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche 9-15-23, Crestone, Colorado
transcript (00:00):
Greetings everyone. This is Dawn Boiani-Sandberg, and I’m speaking tonight from Crestone, Colorado. I’m doing a meditation retreat with Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche, and I had done a retreat a week ago with Tsoknyi Rinpoche, and there’s an interesting topic that’s been swirling around in my mind about deities and demons. I have a lot of information and reflection that I wanted to share with you and an audio journal about my religion, which is Tibetan Buddhism, Tibetan tantric Buddhism. And just examine with me- what is the nature of deity and a demon? What are our tantric vows? Do they help us to uncover a sense of inner confidence in healing or do at times some of the heavy handed punishment models and afterlife fears, wind up exacerbating and re-triggering very early childhood wounding from our culture? So these are the types of things I’d love to sort of dive into, if you will.
(01:22):
Thanks for sharing your time with me. So I wanted to start with contemplating what it is to be a Tibetan tantric Buddhist. How do you see the world and what is the nature of phenomenon? What is the nature of ourselves? And likewise, what’s the nature of all these deities that we see on our shrines and in the monasteries? We have a very elaborate practice that we do when we received an empowerment where we have very complex visualizations and mantras and we have a lot of deities. So what are these deities? Do they really exist in an ultimate way? Are they cultural based? Who and what are they? So this is a very interesting and juicy topic. I’d like to explore that first before we get into the demon part. So the deities, the way that it was explained to me was that they were anthropomorphized versions of wisdom and they’re culturally referenced.
(02:38):
So you might be praying to an image of Tara or Guru Rinpoche or a lot of different deities exist in Tibetan tantric pantheon. And if you look at the origin of them, most of them come from India or they were people that lived and died historically and attained enlightenment. And they all have different qualities, properties, they all look different. So do we believe in a whole pantheon of gods and ghouls and deities just like the Greco-Romans, or are they the same as the Hindu deities? Do we worship and pray to these beings as really existing? There was a conversation I was having recently on Reddit, and someone had asked, well, the Tibetans had done so many prayers to the protectors when the Maoists were invading and China was invading, and how come the protectors didn’t help the Tibetans? And I replied, well, because the power and efficacy of our practices are only relevant when we are cultivating that energy within us, and then we act in our lives to help the world.
(04:03):
We don’t just pray to a deity like God to make everything feel better. So as far as I was told, I went to the school at Naropa and studied Buddhist studies there. Tibetan Buddhists, even though we have a pantheon of deities, ultimately we are called non theists. And what is non theism? Non theism is explained to me as being we’re not exactly atheists. So we don’t just say there’s absolutely no gods and no mysticism in the world, and we’re just kind of like super evidence-based science. No magic, no nothing. When you die, it’s just lights out. It’s kind of the atheistic approach. But in Buddhism, we’re called non theists, which is a little bit different. It has explained to me as we don’t actually deny the existence of beings that people have related to throughout different cultures and different times, but we regard them as being fundamentally empty and a projection of awakened mind.
(05:23):
And that could be said for everything that ever exists, you me, a glass, all this stuff is simply a projection of mind. I recall in the Tibetan book of the Dead, when you die or when you begin the dying process, the mind will start to see all kinds of images and deities, and the instruction is always to look down at the ground and the root of that projection. And then anything that you’re seeing will subside in the ground because the origin, it’s like the allegory of the cave, Plato’s allegory of the cave where you look directly at the root projector, not the imagery. So the nature of the deities is a projection of mind and energy, but they’re fundamentally empty. They don’t have any substantial existence. They’re more like apparitions of light that are projected by our mind. So that’s what it means to me to be a non theist and to be relating with a sadana practice where you’re evoking a particular quality of energy. On my retreat, I’ve actually seen things, I’m not really supposed to speak of them, but I’ve sort of seen images of deities and different things kind of pop into space, but I never regarded them as being outside of me, like me versus deity, like this dualistic thing. It seemed more of like a non-dual projection of empty energy. So that’s my understanding of the nature of deities and basically all phenomenon.
(07:23):
Did these things help us? Well, as long as our understanding is correct, where we’re still holding the second turning of understanding of emptiness and phenomenon, I do think a lot of these images and these deities are culturally referenced. I recall trunk ache saying once that the energy of a protector may appear to someone to be like a general, so they don’t have a concrete solid reality. It’s their projections of our culture and our time. So that’s to answer the question as to why on Reddit, the protectors didn’t help the Tibetans. Well, it’s kind of like the old adage. God helps those that help themselves. If we are supplicating the energy and quality of a deity, that’s to fortify that with us so that we can have the skillful activity. They call it the four karmas of you’re able to pacify, rich, magnetize and destroy. So when you do so practice, you are opening up dormant efficacy and compassionate activity within you.
(08:45):
So that’s been my understanding. Correct me if I’m wrong, please do. I think it’s always an open question, but do they help us? So I think that if your understanding is clear that you never forget about the nature of emptiness and the nature of phenomenon, then I think it’s healthy where it can get kind of difficult. I’ll give you a personal example is I had what I believe was a long covid complication and I was having terrible neuropathy. I was having pins and needles in the hands and the feet and kind of just this intermittent pain that was shooting. And I never knew when this electric shock would come and it was really destabilizing and I couldn’t sleep through the pain. And I remember laying there, I moved out of my husband in my bedroom into the shrine room, and I kept these candles lit all night long, these electric candles.
(09:52):
And I was laying there and I couldn’t sleep. And I was feeling extremely uncomfortable and frightened. And the only thing that I could think about after being a Tibetan Buddhist for 30 years was, oh, I’m being punished for breaking my tantric vows. So I’m actually being electrocuted as an existential punishment for some of the things that we’ve been discussing through the Me Too movement. And I wound up speaking to Sni Rinpoche about it, and he said, that’s ridiculous. You’re physical pain is not, you’re not being punished and prodded by a pitchfork. And I was kind of sad because after practicing Tibetan Buddhism for 30 years at the time of need where my practice should have provided an existential solace and comfort and sort of a connection to the vastness or compassion or patience or any quality whatsoever when I needed it most, it was actually a source of I was feeling, I was being punished and it was a source of poison in my mind rather than a source of benefit.
(11:07):
So at times where you might be having physical pain, another friend was just battling with anxiety, very acute anxiety, and he says, I’m having really bad karma, I’m being punished. And I said, you know what? When you’re having something to be kicked up like this, it’s not time for religious mental stuff. It’s time to stay in very grounded evidence-based science. Don’t look at everything like gods and demons and karmic purification. I mean, that’s just kind of madness and it can wind up creating harm and confusion if we start just imagining gul and goblins and deities and karmic punishments.
(11:52):
So I think it’s probably better to stay in very earthy evidence-based reality, especially in times of stress or sickness. I think that when I started to feel that I was somehow stained or bad, that wound up triggering some of the things that I had been through when I was young. As I’ve mentioned before in some of my previous audio recordings, I grew up in a very emotionally and physically abusive family and culture on the East coast, and I was the family scapegoat. I’ve been talking about that recently. So whenever I start to doubt myself, I start to feel like I’m bad or I’ve broken my vows. That’s not really helping me to heal and acknowledge that I’m fundamentally a good person with a good heart that speaks for ethics, maybe in an unconventional or forthright way. But I know that my heart and my practice are sound.
(13:07):
And when I use my tantric vows to create self-doubt, that becomes a poison within my system. So it’s not helpful to think that we’re bad and whether or not we’re good or bad. It’s so funny because I’ve been somewhat of a public person. Whenever I produce something, I have at least 20 to 50 people reading it, so it’s not really, my work doesn’t really go viral, but I do, I’m quite public about what’s been going on after the Me Too movement with my Tibetan Buddhist community. And I’ve been speaking with the voice of trying to reform things because there’s been a lot that was exposed that could be improved because I value my practice, these sadana practices that we’re talking about, my teachers, some of my teachers, excuse me, I feel that things need to change or the tradition could continue to wane. And it’s been hard for me because if you put out an opinion in a tradition that we are supposed to stay silent and secret, it goes into the mass community and people will offer feedback, and the feedback hasn’t been great for me, and that’s hurt a lot.
(14:43):
A lot of people have left. A lot of people consider themselves survivors of sex assault or exploitative power dynamics. There’s lots been coming up about child abuse in the monasteries and child abuse in different Buddhist communities worldwide, and it’s extremely painful. I’ve deduced that there’s only four options to deal with this. The first one is to stay silent, see no evil, hear no evil. You could walk away. A lot of my friends have left the Tibetan Buddhist tradition and feel like the whole thing is fundamentally corrupt because of the power dynamics and the silencing and secrecy. Or you could try to fix it. That’s the one I’m taking. So I’m thinking like passion, aggression and ignorance. And I guess the fourth option would be to just have a very vast mind and allow it all to happen without trying to alter it. That’s generally the view.
(15:52):
However, the critique in that view to not do anything is silence, is consent, silence is complicity. Knowing that we have abuse in our tradition hurts me physically, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically. And I really would wish and pray that we would have a consensual open conversation and accountability and willingness to change. That hasn’t happened yet, unfortunately. So it’s funny, with my particular role being somewhat public with my 50 followers, people have said to me various things like, oh my God, I am a Tibetan apologist. I’ve had a number of people say I was going to hell by talking about child abuse in the monasteries. People in the Tibetan tradition like Kempos and GEs, I’ve had a friend recently call me a demon. Within the same week, my teacher called me a dakini and said I was a teacher. So I get it’s licorice. Some people really feel that I am exposing things that they would really rather keep secret and silent, and I’m destroying the tradition.
(17:18):
And other people say that the work that I’ve done is heartfelt, authentic, and not unintelligent. One teacher, he said, I was a dakini and a teacher, so am I a demon or a dakini. He thinks that I’m probably neither a demon or a dakini. I think that probably a lot of these things are the projection of the beholder. And so I’m trying to not internalize such dichotomous strong blessings and curses from the peanut gallery. So we have to be ourselves. We have to be true to our own heart, speak and do the things that we feel adheres with our own ethics and our own talent in this world. And I do care about my Tibetan Buddhist tradition. I do care about all of my friends that are participating in it. I don’t want any of them to feel trapped. I don’t want children to be hurt, and I also don’t want the tradition to continue to wane.
(18:29):
A number of dharma centers are shutting down worldwide or they’re not being funded properly. So unless there is some fundamental change and ability to talk about stuff, I fear that within a generation or two it’s going to wane. I spoke to my ER brother, Eric Pema Kang, kind of a famous vaiana teacher from Denmark. And we agreed that the next generation of Tibetans really aren’t holding this tradition. It’s waning in the West. I talked to Tsoknyi. He says, a lot of the Tibetan families are not offering their children to the monasteries and the census is down. So I see the whole thing kind of petering out in a generation or two and some of the survivors and people who’ve left in a really hurt and angry way, they would be more than happy to see the tradition wiped off the face of the earth. I don’t personally feel that.
(19:31):
I feel great sadness for the plight of the Tibetan sin exile, and I think that the culture should be preserved. The language, the rituals, the color, the display, the magic, the power. It’s so fantastic and it’s such a big part of my life that I don’t want to ever let go of, but I have to let go of the toxic stuff like I’m a demon. People calling me for making videos like this. Some friends won’t speak to me anymore. They blocked me because I’ve spoken out against child abuse and said, Hey, maybe some of these teachers need to not be acting in such a really heavy handed, cruel, sometimes even psychopathic. Some of these guys are really out there and they wind up tainting the ones that actually are really super gentle. So it’s a mixed bag of so much color and display. So I think that it will take some time to resolve all the things that have arisen in our tradition, and it probably won’t be resolved within my lifetime.
(20:57):
So I think just in general, if a lot of us came into the Dharma as refugee refugees with a lot of pain and a lot of longing and a lot of trust and a lot of hope, and we hoped for something that would help us like a medicine, something that was magical and fantastic and transformational, we were told that we could attain enlightenment within one lifetime. It sounds really good, although myself included, and a lot of my friends were finding now 20, 30, 40 years later, that a lot of these practices didn’t quite result in the qualities of accomplishment that we were hoping to after all these years. And what I realized was I used my religion basically as a spiritual bypass, and that is you have a lot of dormant wounding. I came from child abuse and then I would meditate and take empowerments, and then I thought I was really spiritual and really accomplished, and I thought I was some hot dini that had studied with the great masters, and I thought I was kind of better than everybody else, sort of because I had this great noble birth and all this privilege.
(22:21):
So I used the dharma and my relationship with Tibetan or Vajrayana Buddhism as a credential in how I regarded myself. And it turned out that that whole thinking crashing down. And I realized that I had very, very deep childhood wounding that I had blocked out. That is all coming up now as I’m getting older. And I’ve been having to really just deal with whether or not I’m a lovable person, whether or not I have this basic goodness, whether or not I’m evil, stained, bad, unlovable. So just very, very early imprints like that that came from my family of origin. And some of this heavy handed stuff, as I said before, isn’t necessarily helping the stain in your tantric vows and demon, all this kind of stuff. It’s just not that helpful for me. So I’m basically going to the essence of my practice in a really simple way that just allows everything to settle down and open. And I believe that that’s the essence of my teacher and the essence compassion where those qualities of healing can really take place.
(23:54):
As far as demons and deities, I believe that they are projections of mind. When people are in one week, I get a mixed message from different people, they project onto you. But I think that from my practice that everything, when you do your practice, everything can kind of resolve into that ground of clarity, openness, and emptiness. And I think that that’s a good place to train in and to rest. And I think that by training in that way, free from a lot of the heavy handed cultural stuff that can be really hateful, shunning people, judging people, deifying people, demonizing people, this whole stuff is just a projection of a lot of mental calisthenics.
(24:55):
The things that bring qualities of tenderness, openness, authenticity, and ethics would be the path that I want to continue to take as a tantric Buddhist. And I do think the tree needs to be heavily pruned from a lot of stuff that has been adopted, that is culture that wounds up, that winds up re-triggering a lot of that basic badness from our Judeo-Christian culture. Or if you did grow up in a family where there was abuse, we don’t want to have a community that upholds unhealthy tenants. We want to have a community that’s healthy, transparent, loving, and truly ethical. And we haven’t quite gotten there yet, but I will pray that I’ll be able to see that within my lifetime. So thank you so much for listening~
Buddha: https://www.pexels.com/photo/buddha-thangka-painting-on-textile-14441347/
We were invited to dinner one night and our friends produced this absolutely decadent vegetable filled puff pastry entrée. Here I have modified the recipe to use Impossible™ meat, and it’s just as good! I have found that sharp white cheddar is the most flavorful, but feel free to replace the dairy with dairy-free vegan options. There are a lot of ingredients but once they are all put together it actually cooks up very quickly so it’s an easy-to-make entrée that’s served best with a fresh green garden salad.
Serves 4.
I’m privileged to be participating in the Naropa Summer Writing Program at the Jack Kerouac School of Disembodied Poetics… Admittedly 30 years now from the first time! Here is Andrew Schelling and famous beat poet Anne Waldman, our chair, reading, and well as amazing faculty like Ronaldo V. Wilson, and Thurston Moore from Sonic Youth.
I know many of my friends attended Naropa, here are some snapshots of the campus from this week 2023, so many memories! Please follow my art and poetry blog here: https://dawnboiani.wordpress.com/2019/12/26/ode-to-kerouac-burroughs-and-ginsberg/
I’m going to soon publish a body of work never before published, so please do follow and stay in touch~ If you are local, the public is invited to our evening readings at the Naropa main campus at 7 for free, and I just might read a poem on Friday Night! You can also come to our final faculty reading on Saturday night 7-1-23, at 7pm~
I just uploaded my favorite “love” poem on my personal blog, that I might read, to Soundcloud for practice- please read and listen here:
https://dawnboiani.wordpress.com/2019/10/29/she-script-the-pen-that-writes-itself/
Try writing Kerouac Style https://buddhistsomatics.com/posts/poetry-is-the-voice-of-the-heart-happy-birthday-jack-kerouac/
I just discovered Chia seeds and add them to my overnite oats or smoothie every morning. They are tiny black or white seeds that come from the plant Salvia hispanica, which is native to Mexico and Guatemala. They have been consumed for thousands of years and were a staple food in ancient Mayan and Aztec diets. They have gained popularity in recent years due to their numerous health benefits as they are highly nutritious and are considered a superfood. They are kind of amazing, if you add them to liquid they expand and form a gel-like outer substance called mucilage, similar to flax seed that’s great for your digestion. You can get them at any health food store, choose well-sourced organic chia. Here are some of the key health benefits of chia seeds:
1. Nutritional Profile: Chia seeds are packed with essential nutrients. They are an excellent source of fiber, providing both soluble and insoluble types. They also contain a good amount of protein, healthy fats (including omega-3 fatty acids), vitamins (such as vitamin B, vitamin E), and minerals (including calcium, magnesium, and phosphorus).
2. High in Antioxidants: Chia seeds are rich in antioxidants, which help protect the body against oxidative stress caused by free radicals. Antioxidants play a vital role in reducing inflammation and lowering the risk of chronic diseases.
3. Promote Digestive Health: The high fiber content in chia seeds can contribute to healthy digestion. They absorb water and form a gel-like substance in the digestive tract, aiding in regular bowel movements and preventing constipation. Additionally, the fiber content helps promote the growth of beneficial bacteria in the gut.
4. Weight Management: Chia seeds can be a valuable addition to a weight loss or weight management plan. Due to their high fiber and protein content, they can help promote feelings of fullness and reduce appetite, potentially leading to lower calorie intake.
5. Heart Health: The omega-3 fatty acids found in chia seeds, particularly alpha-linolenic acid (ALA), are beneficial for heart health. They help reduce inflammation, lower blood pressure, improve cholesterol levels, and decrease the risk of heart disease.
6. Blood Sugar Regulation: Chia seeds have a low glycemic index, meaning they are digested and absorbed slowly, resulting in a gradual release of glucose into the bloodstream. This characteristic can help stabilize blood sugar levels, making chia seeds beneficial for individuals with diabetes or those aiming to manage their blood sugar.
7. Bone Health: Chia seeds contain essential minerals like calcium, magnesium, and phosphorus, which are vital for maintaining healthy bones. These minerals contribute to bone strength and density, reducing the risk of osteoporosis and fractures.
½ cup dairy free milk
2 tablespoons shredded coconut
2 tablespoons chia seeds (you can also pre-soak these overnight)
½ banana, mashed
¼ cup berries of choice
Dash cinnamon
Take out a bowl and mash ½ banana, top with dairy free milk, shredded coconut, chia seeds or flax meal, top with berries and a dash of cinnamon and serve.
Warm version: Add mashed banana and dairy free milk to a pot on the stove and warm for 2-3 minutes. Place in bowl and top with remaining ingredients.
You can also do a three day Healing Diet Cleanse, with chia.
It’s important to note that while chia seeds offer several potential health benefits, they should be consumed as part of a balanced diet and not relied upon as a sole solution for any specific health condition. As with any dietary changes, it’s recommended to consult with a healthcare professional or a registered dietitian for personalized advice. Statements not evaluated by the FDA.
————————-
https://www.britannica.com/plant/chia
https://www.verywellhealth.com/chia-seeds-uses-nutrition-and-more-7378110
This makes a stunning side dish or light spring/summer main course. The zucchini are soft inside and crispy on the outside as we can turn our oven into an air-fryer. All topped with a creamy burrata finished with flavorful pesto. The crushed red pepper and salt rouse the taste buds, as this dish is a fresh work of art!
▪ 3 large zucchini green and or yellow, cut into 1/2-inch rounds
▪ 2-3 sliced organic Roma tomatoes
▪ 3 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
▪ 1⁄2 teaspoon crushed red pepper
▪ 1⁄4 teaspoon salt
▪ 8 oz. burrata ball or balls, fresh mozzarella works too
▪ 5 tablespoons pesto
▪ .5 oz. fresh basil leaves
1. Preheat to 425°F.
2. Oil a baking sheet lightly and place zucchini on there next to each other, single layer.
3. Brush with remaining olive oil and sprinkle red peppers and salt on top.
4. Roast for about 10 minutes,
5. Then turn on broiler and broil for 5 minutes, being careful not to burn.
6. Remove from oven and arrange with burrata, tomatoes and fresh basil.
7. Drizzle pesto and serve!
Serves 4.
Total time: 30 minutes.
This was adapted from the recipe on Eating Well, By Ali Ramee | Published on August 15, 2022
Can’t sleep? So many of us struggle with poor sleep, broken sleep or insomnia from a variety of inner, environmental and behavioral reasons. Aging is one of the most common, particularly in women over 40 and it can wreak havoc on one’s overall functioning. Believe me, I know, I’ve battled with this on and off for 10 years now. I use Tibetan, Chinese and Functional medicine, and it all helps. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia is also known as CBTI and is more powerful than sleeping pills with no dangerous side effects.
However, if your insomnia is very severe and all herbs and supplements fail, there are times where the doctors may prescribe a short term of sleeping pills (2 weeks or so). This is a temporary stop gap to reset your system, as long as they are carefully monitored and slowly tapered and used only in the most urgent situations where strict CBTI fails. Please see our other articles about sleeping pill tapering. Here is a distilled compilation of recommendations from the foremost book, The Effortless Sleep Method (the author, Sasha Stephens is referred to as the Insomnia exorcist!), CBTI for Veterans and the book Prescriptions for Natural Healing.
Here is a summary of what Sasha says, please download her e-book or listen on Audible for details.
Achieve a solid base of sleeptime habits:
A. You are really tired and sleepy when you go to bed at night and
B. Make the bed be associated with being asleep and not with lying awake fretting.
A powerful mantra that removes pressure is:
“I DON’T CARE IF I SLEEP OR NOT”
Sasha Stephens
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The most common cause of insomnia is a change in your daily routine. For example, traveling, change in work hours, disruption of other behaviors (eating, exercise, leisure, etc.), and relationship conflicts can all cause sleep problems. Paying attention to good sleep hygiene is the most important thing you can do to maintain good sleep.
1. Go to bed at the same time each day.
2. Get up from bed at the same time each day. Try to maintain something close to this on weekends.
3. Get regular exercise each day, preferably in the morning. There is good evidence that regular exercise improves restful sleep. This includes stretching and aerobic exercise.
4. Get regular exposure to outdoor or bright lights, especially in the late afternoon.
5. Keep the temperature in your bedroom comfortable.
6. Keep the bedroom quiet when sleeping.
7. Keep the bedroom dark enough to facilitate sleep.
8. Use your bed only for sleep (and sexual activity). This will help you associate your bed with sleep, not with other activities like paying bills, talking on the phone, watching TV.
9. Establish a regular, relaxing bedtime routine. Relaxing rituals prior to bedtime may include a warm bath or shower, aromatherapy, reading, or listening to soothing music.
10. Use a relaxation exercise just before going to sleep or use relaxing imagery. Even if you don’t fall asleep, this will allow your body to rest and feel relaxed.
11. Keep your feet and hands warm. Wear warm socks to bed.
12. Designate another time to write down problems & possible solutions in the late afternoon or early evening, not close to bedtime. Do not dwell on any one thought or idea—merely jot something down and put the idea aside.
1. Exercise just before going to bed. Try to keep it no closer than 3-4 hrs before bed.
2. Engage in stimulating activity just before bed, such as playing a competitive game, watching an exciting program on television or movie, or having an important discussion with a loved one.
3. Have caffeine in the evening (coffee, many teas, chocolate, sodas, etc.)
4. Read or watch television in bed.
5. Use alcohol to help you sleep. It actually interrupts your sleep cycle.
6. Go to bed too hungry or too full.
7. Take another person’s sleeping pills.
8. Take over-the-counter sleeping pills, without your doctor’s knowledge. Tolerance can develop rapidly with these medications.
9. Take daytime naps. If you do, keep them to no more than 20 minutes, 8 hrs before bedtime.
10. Command yourself to go to sleep. This only makes your mind and body more alert.
11. Watch the clock or count minutes; this usually causes more anxiety, which keeps you up.
12. Lie in bed awake for more than 20-30 minutes. Instead, get up, go to a different room (or different part of the bedroom), participate in a quiet activity (e.g. non-excitable reading), and then return to bed when you feel sleepy. Do not turn on lights or sit in front of a bright TV or computer, this will stimulate your brain to wake up. Stay in a dark, quiet place. Do this as many times during the night as needed.
13. Succumb to maladaptive thoughts like: “Oh no, look how late it is, I’ll never get to sleep” or “I must have eight hours of sleep each night, if I get less than eight hours of sleep I will get sick.” Challenge your concerns and avoid catastrophizing. Remember that we cannot fully control our sleep process. Trying too hard to control it will make you more tense and more awake.
14. Change your daytime routine the next day if you didn’t sleep well. Even if you have a bad night sleep and are tired it is important that you try to keep your daytime activities the same as you had planned. That is, don’t avoid activities or stay in bed late because you feel tired. This can reinforce the insomnia.
15. Increase caffeine intakes the next day, this can keep you up again the following night.
Functional Medicine Suggestions from Prescriptions for Natural Healing by
I have also used this formula called SLEEP REMEDY and it has helped so much, it was made for Navy Seals!
Adapted from:
http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/docs/Info-sleep%20hygiene.pdf
http://web.mac.com/jendanielle/Site/MentalHealth_file /Sleep%20Hygeine%20WORKSHEET.pdf
http://www.tufts.edu/med/phfm/pdf/fm-handouts/SleepHygiene.pdf
Have you ever seen the glamorous shiny hair in film stars and wondered what they use? This natural formula really works and is better than any commercial product that I have found ready-made. Chebe powder has been used by women in Chad who are world renowned for having very long and healthy hair. Chebe is often used in its ground form, but dries on the hair and when you wash it out, you have powder like coffee grounds everywhere, and can be irritating to the scalp. This recipe creates an easy olive oil infusion, no mess!
Perfect as an intensive conditioner for dry and damaged hair, a leave in daily treatment or a mask infusion, this hair butter recipe is organic, simple to make and nourishing to many hair types. Chebe is powerful, and should not be used on the scalp, as it can cause mild itching in any form, but I use it as both a mask and daily leave in, and my hair has never been as shiny and emollient as it is now! You can also try this hair butter and omit the chebe infusion.
Pour the olive oil into a nonstick saucepan and stir the chebe powder into it. Cook, covered on low heat to 2 hours.
Strain the chebe powder from oil with a tea strainer or cheesecloth, and dispose of powder.
Pour infused olive oil back into the pan, and melt all other ingredients one by one except the water and borax on very low heat, stirring constantly.
When melted take off of heat and cool for 30 minutes to a warm temp 100ºF/40ºC, mixture will still be liquid. You can place the mixture in the freezer to cool it rapidly.
In another pan dissolve the borax into the water and heat on low.
After a few minutes have passed, remove the from the freezer and use a spatula to scrape down the sides of the bowl. You can now begin to whip up the mixture with an electric beater, on slow, stopping once or twice to scrape sides of the mixer.
Then, slowly add the water and borax mixture while whipping and the cream will now start to become light, whipped and fluffy like a butter.
Whip it until the butter holds its shape, but can still pour.
Once you’ve gotten to a whipped texture, you can transfer your mixture to jars for storage. Store in refrigerator until ready to use.
Feel free to add more nutritive items like 1 tsp.- 1 T.: argan oil, vitamin E, avocado oil, aloe oil, and 1 T. of apple cider vinegar to prevent molding and your choice of essential oils like tea tree and rosemary. You can also simplify the recipe by using fewer oils/butters and experimenting with those that work best for your hair, but do not omit the beeswax or borax, otherwise the mixture will not become a whipped butter consistency. You can make this without the Chebe powder infusion if you don’t have it or it irritates your scalp.
For a conditioning mask, thickly coat hair starting from 1″ below scalp to the ends, with more butter on the ends to repair. You can braid your hair, cover or put it up in a bun. Be careful with pillows and textiles and clothes because this powerful mixture can stain. Leave in for two hours and the wash and condition with sulfate-free shampoo.
For a daily leave in, use a small amount, a dime size to start and rub into hair well, avoiding scalp, with special attention to the ends. They will repair instantly and become shiny! Don’t use too much or hair will look oily. The leave in can be left in until the next wash.
Needed: blender, tea strainer or cheesecloth, rubber spatula, 4 oz. containers with lid
Makes: approx. 3, 4oz jars of hair butter
Reprinted from Mandala Magazine September, 2004 DOWNLOAD THE FREE EBOOK
By Paula Chichester (Lhundup Nyingje), Retreat Advisor to Land of Joy
Ordained for the last 13 years, Ven. Paula has devoted 24 years of her life to Buddhist retreat practice. She bridges the culture gap to enable Western people to attain Buddhadharma realizations by leading inspiring retreats and by giving advice on the support for and environmental needs of retreatants.
“The most important aspect of retreat is to keep your mind happy…. Practice should be free of looking for results. Even if you spend your entire life doing practice and have not a single experience, no results at all, it should still be a cause for great joy to have spent your life like that.”—Geshe Lhundup Sopa
Lung (pronounced “loong”), or ‘meditator’s disease’, happens to almost every meditator, even very experienced ones. It is similar to an athlete who strains a muscle and then has to rest for a while to let that muscle heal. We meditators strain our nervous systems. Some of us already have a strained nervous system when we begin our meditation practice. Unless the lung is very severe, it is nothing to be afraid of or to worry about, it is just a trade hazard that we can learn to work with and endure. Lung is our teacher because it is the feedback we receive when we are not meditating properly – or not living a balanced lifestyle. Lung is the Tibetan word for ‘wind’. Generally, meditator’s lung is congested chi in and around the heart chakra. We all learn about lung when we attend our first Tibetan Vajrayana Buddhist group meditation retreat. Either we get it, or we hear about it from our friends who get it. Lung literally means wind but we can translate it, in this context, as ‘mental stress’. The mind rides on the subtle winds of the body, and when the winds don’t run smoothly, we feel stress. When many people begin a retreat on a Tibetan mantra yoga sadhana practice that involves visualizing complicated forms, reciting liturgy, and reciting mantras, they discover after a week or a month that their minds actually become more agitated than they were before. They may experience pain in the chest or back pain, or headaches; they may cry easily and anger easily, too. They may feel anxious or have panic attacks or insomnia. Some people become depressed. Some people have delusional paranoia, hear things, or feel strange sensations in their bodies. Others have indigestion, constipation, or diarrhea. Lung is often experienced as a negative attitude toward the practice (your mind and body want to stop!) so you experience doubts about the practice, doubts about your lama. Lung can become bad if it is not remedied, and if the person continues the pattern that causes it, it’s possible to become severely mentally disturbed. But that is rare. Mostly it’s just a negative mind or a nagging obsession that won’t go away. Sometimes lung manifests as an aversion to meditating. You just don’t want to go back and sit on that cushion!
Anyone under mental pressure and strain experiences lung. Meeting deadlines at work, family stress, and studying for final exams all bring on lung. Everyone has their own style of lung. It’s a good idea to learn your personal pattern so you can know when to relax in your retreat. When you start to feel negative or can’t sleep one night or have indigestion, or when you uncontrollably growl at someone, then you know it is time to rest, to back off on the intensity of your practice. Often there are signs that indicate lung is on the verge of breaking out into major symptoms. For me, I almost always have an anxiety dream based on the theme of the night before a final exam at university when I haven’t studied at all and I’m frantic. That tells me, “Time to slow down, Nyingje-la!” When I used to start designing fashions in my meditation sessions while reciting a mantra, I knew it was time for a good long break and a walk.
When some of our wonderful Tibetan masters first encountered people from modern industrialized societies, they were impressed with our level of education and intellectual acuity; thus, they assumed we would make great practitioners. They taught us advanced practices and soon watched us all get lung! I think this is rather like a figure skating master who discovers a group of ballet dancers and thinks they will make great figure skaters. The ballet dancers get out on the ice and try to dance, and they all end up with sprained ankles and broken bones. We have these greatly activated minds, but they developed without any awareness of the winds that carry those mind-bytes. Watching our breath and learning about our wind-mind before we add all the visualizations and mantras is like skating round and round the rink for hours and hours before we even try to turn around on the skates.
Geshe Rabten thought all Westerners have tsog lung (chronic heart lung). After he spent a year leading a calm abiding retreat for Westerners, Gen Lamrimpa said to us that he thought Westerners could never learn to meditate: Our minds are too fast because we grew up with machines and computers. In other words, we all have chronic low- grade anxiety or tsog lung. It is so ubiquitous that we think it is normal. There is an epidemic of depression and anxiety in modern industrialized society that is growing rapidly, even among children. Our lifestyle gives us lung. This same source of most of our health problems is also what causes us to have a difficult time in meditation retreats.
When we talk about lung, we must distinguish between acute lung and chronic lung. Acute lung comes from concentrating too hard on the mandala or reciting mantras too fast or working too hard in service at our jobs, or frustration in relationships. Chronic lung can be treated with herbs, diet, acupuncture, Tibetan medicine, and talking therapies. I would try these options before going to pharmaceuticals because in the long run these chemicals may only compound the imbalance.
However, when symptoms are especially intense, people may need immediate relief. You might decide to take pharmaceuticals for a short time, with the help of other supportive therapies, and then slowly wean yourself off them. I would recommend checking with a lama before taking any pharmaceutical chemicals. It is my impression that they are dispensed far too easily, and they may harm the body and mind in the long term. If a person is willing to change their eating habits, take herbs, or go to an acupuncturist and/or a skillful psychotherapist, pharmaceutical medicines are most likely not necessary.
Kirti Tsenshab Rinpoche told us that faith and intention are the main activities of tantric practice. This is so important. We get lung because we don’t know this essential ingredient. We get too serious and try very hard to see all the details of the mandala and to say thousands of mantras a day, thinking that more is better. This gives us lung.
In Tibetan medicine, lung (wind) imbalance is related to attachment; bile imbalance is related to anger/aversion; and phlegm imbalance is related to ignorance. At first, it may not be so clear how unskillful meditation that leads to lung is related to attachment. If you think of attachment as the mind that wants, that grasps, that clings, and then check up while you meditate, you can see how a subtle version of grasping and clinging can abide with you as you focus on your meditation object. It comes in the form of wanting more clarity than you have, or wanting to finish up, or not wanting to finish. If you are in a neutral state of mind, and then think of something you want to do, you can feel a slight tightening in your chest, a little excitement or anticipation. Most of us think this is happiness, but it is actually a state of grasping. This can also cause lung.
People who meditate for stress reduction purposes only and aren’t interested in attaining enlightenment probably don’t get lung. We get lung because we are trying to do something, trying to attain something, instead of relaxing and letting it happen naturally. Lung comes from forcing our mind beyond its capacity to stay relaxed while meditating. The key to good meditation is a relaxed mind. Forcing the mind to concentrate only harms our development in the long run. This is very hard to learn because we don’t often know when we are forcing our mind – until we get lung! We are habituated to having a slightly grasping or excited mind when we do things, because this is often where we find the energy to do what we want to do; but this does not work for us when we want to meditate. We get lung from forcing our minds to stay on the meditation object when it is tired. We get lung from saying the mantra too fast and for too long. We get lung from forcing a visualization to be clear. We get lung from trying to keep the thoughts at bay instead of understanding that it’s okay for thoughts to come and go. What we are looking for is to stabilize on the mind that lies below the thoughts. No accepting and no rejecting…the ocean, not the waves…remember?
Lung usually comes on very slowly, after days of forcing concentration or reciting mantras too fast without being aware of it. By the time you realize you have lung, it’s very hard to dissipate without stopping the meditation altogether and resting the mind for a few days by engaging in fun and play. Lung just seems to be part of learning how to do Vajrayana practice. The more you practice, the sooner you identify the habits that lead to lung, and therefore it becomes less and less of a problem. The more you meditate, the more you are able to perceive the texture of your mind, so you can see or hear the mistakes just as an artist or a musician would. It just takes time on the cushion. Like any other form of discipline, it only becomes easy with a lot of effort…right effort: gentle, loving, relaxed, no expectation, no pushing effort. We need to remember that one of the four powers of joyous effort in Shantideva’s teachings on the six perfections is the power of rest. In modern industrialized society, resting is a sign of weakness. Rest is just as important as activity in manifesting any sort of production.
Tibetan masters describe the process of meditation as being similar to training a wild horse. If you tether it to a short rope and try to beat it into submission, you will have a very difficult time taming that horse. But if you give it a large corral to run in and approach the wild animal with kindness and love, you can ride that horse in a short while. Remember the movie, The Horse Whisperer? We have to learn to relax our minds and treat ourselves very gently. Ribur Rinpoche tells us over and over again, “…r..e..l..a..x….”
This is the key to meditation without lung.
1. Don’t push yourself, your body or your mind – more is not better and might is not right. Whatever you do, do it for others!
2. Prostrate before sessions or do chi gong in the breaks. Twice a day is good, if you can.
3. Begin your session with a quiet time, calming your mind, tuning in to your energy. Breathe into your lower chakras and let the anxiety come out. Melt the tension with the experience of refuge. Soothe your inner child; listen kindly to its complaints.
4. End your session with five minutes of spacious meditation, just relaxing into the three circles of emptiness of dedication or relax at the dissolution time. Even though you want to get up, just sit and breathe into the mental tension until your mind is relaxed. Aim to end the session before you are tired. Also, you can visualize your hollow body filled with five-colored lights radiating out all the lung and blessing all the sentient beings and the environment.
5. Spend a little time every day, if possible, relaxing your gaze by looking up at the sky or staring out at a long distance view as you gently recognize emptiness. This really lets the lung out.
6. Eat enough protein and cut back on (not cut out!) all sweets. Eat a well-balanced diet, suited to your body type and health needs, i.e., study nutrition. Exercise six days a week.
7. Learn to relax in all your actions. Meditation is play, not work. Relax: Lie down or sit in a comfortable chair or do chi gong for a few minutes after your session ends. (This is advice from His Holiness the Dalai Lama.)
8. Don’t force your visualization. Be satisfied with what comes.
9. Contentment is the key to a good retreat; cultivate contentment and a happy mind. Meditate on the innermost jewels of the Kadam geshes every day. The key to contentment is breathing with bodhichitta all the time. Detach yourself from grasping experiences by a deep understanding of karma, and let go of all notions of blame and shame. “Follow your bliss,” as Joseph Campbell used to say. 10. ‘Set your re-set button’ once a week, if not once a day. That is, recreate until you feel grounded, open, joyful, clear, and motivated.
[Excerpted from a forthcoming book of selections of advice from Lama Zopa Rinpoche to students on everything from specific practice questions to personal problems. The book will be on sale later this year.]
1. To a monk who has lung “I understand about lung. When one is bored and tired of doing prayers, one sees the prayer book, and lung comes. Things that are difficult and things that we don’t like bring lung. I don’t think that the things you really enjoy give lung. Do you agree? Sometimes when you do something with so much energy, sudden- ly the energy changes and then you change; you give up. For example, a monk worked so hard for a very long time with computers, even through the night; then it suddenly changed, and he couldn’t do it any- more. The energy just changed! “So in this case, something that you get bored with and don’t like will give you lung. Psychologically, the antidote is to accept. Whenever you encounter problems, rather than being unhappy about it, accept it as a result of past karma, then it no longer becomes a problem, or it is much less of a problem. Think especially of the benefits. Kadam Geshe Karab Gomchung said that even a small suffering in the present finishes heavy past negative karmas that cause us to be reborn in the lower realms, where we would experience suffering for many eons.
As a result, there will be a happy life in the future. “Therefore, one should meditate, rejoicing in the suffering. Of course, as you know from thought trans- formation, you can use your problem to practice bodhichitta, use it for the ‘taking and giving’ practice — taking all sentient beings’ suffering in the form of pollution through the nostrils, taking it into the heart, destroying all the ego and the self-cherishing thought completely, so there’s nothing left. Do this a few times. At other times, think, ‘I’m experiencing this for all sentient beings.’ “By doing this, you collect skies of merit, and the body becomes like a wish-granting jewel. With this body, when you experience suffering for others with each taking and giving, many eons of negative karma are purified. Each time you come closer to enlightenment. This is the best practice, as you know! “You can also use the lung incense made by Tibetans, apply Tiger Balm, or take the Tibetan medicine, Agar 35, for life-wind sicknesses.”
2. To a student who could not sleep “People in the West think that if you do not sleep there is something wrong with you, but is it is only a problem if it is causing harm to your health; other- wise, it can be very useful. Maybe people who need to do clear light meditation need to sleep. Actually, my job is putting people to sleep, I think you know this! “If you can’t fall asleep, one method is to do prayers and read the Lam-rim. Maybe if you try to meditate for a long time you will fall asleep. For problems associated with lung eating meat can be very beneficial, and eating garlic and onion can help as well. Also, one can drink broth made from bones, boiling the bones in hot water [see Mandala June-July 2004 Tibetan Medicine]. “The best thing to do is the practice of the 35 Confession Buddhas, with prostrations and recitation. This may help because it purifies your negative karma and creates the cause for you to achieve enlighten- ment. You can do it in the morning or evening.”
3. To a student who said she had had lung for the past three years “Visualize the guru on your crown. Nectar flows from the guru’s heart down into your body, speech, and mind, purifying illness, spirit harm, negative karma, and obscurations (especially lung energy). As you visualize this, recite the guru’s mantra. “This method can also be used for any heavy sickness. While the guru is still on the crown of your head, make strong request with total reliance on the ‘ guru for this negative karma to be purified completely. Do this before absorbing the guru into the heart. “When you have strong lung, while standing, visualize an iron nine-pronged vajra at your heart, inside your body. This iron vajra is red-hot, blazing oneness with fire. Concentrate pointedly on that vajra. That is the main practice.”
4. To a nun was suffering from lung in the heart, and depression. Rinpoche recommended acupuncture and the following Tibetan precious pills: Moon Crystal, three a week for seven weeks, and Rinchen Jumar, four times a week for seven weeks. This completely got rid of her lung.
5. To a monk who had been experiencing serious lung while attending the Basic Study program. He had begun having difficulty studying, to the point that he requested permission to become a part- time student. He requested Lama Zopa’s advice as to whether he should remain at the study center and do part-time study, or work part-time. He also asked Rinpoche to recommend a practice for him to do. Rinpoche responded as follows: “Early in the morning, and at night, breathe in very strongly and then breathe out very strongly. Think that the lung has gone out as negative karma. Do this many times. Also do the physical exercises from the Six Yogas of Naropa. Chi Gong is also helpful.
“There is a special lung practice called Mani Hardun that Lama Tsongkhapa came across when he was studying and was manifesting the aspect of lung. He received the practice from an old Sakya monk. It may be difficult to find, but you could ask a geshe. A student received the transmission for this practice from Kirti Tsenshab Rinpoche and was cured just by receiving the transmission.”
image:
https://www.pexels.com/photo/stacked-of-stones-outdoors-289586/
Keto Almond Shortbread Cookies
Here is my simple and healthy recipe for easy Keto Almond Shortbread Cookies. A perfect, house warming way to welcome the New Year, or anytime!
2 sticks organic butter or vegan butter or 1 cup of unrefined coconut oil, softened to room temperature
1 cup monkfruit or 1-1 stevia baking sugar
½ cup cane sugar
½ tsp salt (¼ if using salted butter)
2 lg. organic whole eggs
1 T. almond extract
2 cups super-fine almond flour
½ cup gluten free (rice) flour
Sliced almonds and pearl sugar (optional) for decoration
Makes about 20 cookies
Foaming Toilet Cleaning Bomb Recipe
While I was making bath bombs for Holiday gifts, I thought I’d try these cool foaming toilet cleaning bombs too! You can omit the borax if you dont have it on hand, but it works very well for stubborn stains. If they fizz too much add more cornstarch to absorb moisture.
Healing Bath Bomb Recipe with Patchouli and CBD
This Holiday Season, I’m making homemade gifts and these calming and healing D.I.Y. bath bombs are so cute and just perfect for gift giving. I found some nice Rocky Mountain full spectrum CBD salve with arnica and Dead Sea salts. These make these a perfect bath treat right before bed, to soak, relive aches and pains and restore your tired muscles and heart. I used one last night, it fizzes in warm water, then surrounds you with flower petals and later, I and slept very soundly. You can omit the CBD if you don’t have any and replace it with coconut oil, and use any essential oil your choose, or none! You can also add colored mica powder, but I like mine a-naturele.
You will need a bath bomb mold and or silicone baking molds, here I used both.
• 1 cup baking soda
• 1/2 cup citric acid
• 2 T. cornstarch
• dried rose petals
• 1/2 cup epsom salts
• 1/2 cup dead sea salts (optional)
• 1/4 cup full spectrum CBD salve with arnica, melted or coconut oil
• 1/2 teaspoon/20 drops patchouli or other essential oil
• 2 T. water
1. Add all dry ingredients to a medium-size bowl, stir well with a wooden spoon.
2. Melt the cbd salve in a double boiler.
3. Mix the wet ingredients together, the salve, essential oil, and water by whisking.
4. Slowly drip the wet ingredients into the dry, stir until the ingredients hold together when squeezed in your hands. Do not over-saturate.
5. They will fizz a bit due to the citric acid but the cornstarch will absorb moisture. Add 1 T more if too wet.
6. Prepare your bath bomb molds by lightly greasing them with spray olive or coconut oil.
7. Press the mixture into the bath bomb molds and then place the two halves together.
8. Wipe the excess mixture off the sides and set aside.
9. Allow the molds to sit for overnight hours or until completely dry and then turn over, and carefully pop out of the molds.
To the men that know;
The men that choose to grow.
To the men who have had the courage to lay broken on the floor;
Who have embraced each change with strength and determination;
Stood solid,
Naked
In their truth.
To the men who have
Given
Everything
And been left with
Nothing,
Yet still,
In every day,
In every way,
They show love.
To the men who have seen the darkness
Of a woman lost in pain,
And sheltered her
In their warm embrace;
Tended to each wound;
Soaked their own essence in each of her tears.
To the men who failed,
But rose again;
Lost their heart,
And found their love.
To the men who strive
Each day
To love themselves more;
Embrace their own darkness that led them to pain;
Energise their light until it radiates to the sky.
To the men who show
Appreciation
For the journey that the woman takes
To reach his love,
For he is her mirror;
He is her love,
And she loves you.
In every moment you give
That appreciation,
She feels it,
She appreciates you.
To the men who are love,
We love you,
Thank You
For loving us.
Heather Lea
___________________________________
Greetings, everyone!
This is Dawn Boiani again from BuddhistSomatics.com, and I run a women’s wellness blog. I write about, basically my personal experience, being a survivor of generational narcissistic abuse, and then, organizational narcissism from recreating those same root family patterns by joining an unhealthy spiritual community that was led by someone that recreated that same family dynamic that I grew up with. So, I wanted to write to you tonight about, narcissistic abuse because, it just happened to me and I’m in a great amount of pain. Anyone that has been in relationship with a narcissist, be it a lover, a parent, a close friend, an employer, it’s one of the most violent types of abuse because oftentimes it’s psychological. And in other types of abuse where someone is physically assaulting you or sexually assaulting you, it’s very easy to demarcate yourself from the perpetrator because there’s an actual crime that occurred that’s empirically proven. But with narcissistic abuse, the kind of back and forth and the sort of, wooing you in for narcissist’s supply to build up their self-esteem and self-worth at your expense; it acts like love. And oftentimes, if you’ve been in relationship with the disordered person like that, they’ve hurt you so much that you’re the walking wounded as far as that relationship is concerned.
The moment that the person would come back to you and resolve this, it actually feels like such a relief. So even though you’ve been abused by this person, be it a family member, coworker, lover, spouse, you’re hurting and it feels unresolved. It feels like a raw, open wound. So when the person comes back against all that is intuitive and sane, you will re-engender the relationship and hope that this time it will be different. Now they’ve “finally seen the light” and they’re going to be accountable, culpable for how much they hurt you, and they’re going to apologize and everything’s going to be okay. So we keep on going back to these people with the hope that they have conscience and that they care and they want to resolve what was hurtful. So that’s, that’s actually called a trauma bond. These bonds are really intense, biochemically, it’s like Pavlov’s dog, you’re always hoping that you’re going to have the pellet.
It’s like you wait around for that and it can become obsessive. It can become debilitating to try to seek resolve from someone who’s emotionally abusive. This type of abuse is truly insidious because, the narcissist or disordered person will intentionally use things against you to devalue you. It can be very subtle sometimes. It’s not always yelling and screaming, [throwing] pots and pans, or sexual or physical assault. It’s just this insidious indication that: I’ve hurt you, you’re there to build me up if you don’t agree to the unspoken rule that you never confront a narcissist. You have to walk on eggshells and cajole this person, then if you break the unspoken rule, it causes narcissistic injury, narcissistic rage, and the person can become really intensely cruel and then…discard you.
And then it cycles around once they’ve settled down and they miss you or something, then they come back around just to do it again. So it is this really unhealthy, toxic thing, but it is so heart wrenching. I love the quote: “no scar on my heart ever came from anyone I hated.” I was just the recipient of narcissistic abuse for about an hour and a half yesterday from a parent. And we’re in that situation where we have a family member and there’s an inheritance and there’s end of life. My family are, just a piranha pool of dysfunction and hatred and vitriol, swearing and chain smoking and just is really like atrocious toxic energy. Just no love, no kindness, backstabbing, triangulating, dyads, triads, looking for fault, abusing, yelling, swearing, physical assaults. Then after you’ve assaulted someone, then the person who is a perpetrator goes and says, “well, you deserved it.”
So that’s my family and my own husband had said, “we really can’t have contact with them.” But me, being a good Pollyanna codependent, always hoping for the best, and being eternally wounded, always will, with tears and with an open heart and with hope, kind of like a Saint Bernard, always hopes maybe that person will someday come around and appreciate me and say, “I really loved you.” You were a great daughter, you were a great sister, you were a great niece. We value you. But my family has chosen me as the scapegoat for the whole family shadow. As far as I can see back, these patterns, these unhealthy, toxic, dysfunctional patterns have gone on for generations. I have a 16 year old daughter, and I’ve tried really hard to not impart that toxicity to her.
I think she’s gotten some of it because I was raised with this, but I feel like she’s fundamentally healthy. And, the buck sort of stops here. I didn’t do to her the same things that my family did to me. I hope that she’s the new generation of healing, that’s the best that we can do. We can’t go back and we can’t fix our our families of origin, but we can stop the bleeding and stop recreating those patterns into the next generation. I think I’ve done that, but right now, I just am writing to you because, I’m shaking and my heart rate is resting pulse of about a hundred. I have a trip planned for tomorrow with my family. We were going to go to the beach and hang out and be underneath palm trees. Now, I have to cancel that because of narcissistic abuse from my mom.
The abuse went on for about an hour and a half. I was yelled at, I was counter projected, I was blamed, I was insulted. I was told things like, well, the family wants to see your daughter, but not you. It was really vicious. You can’t imagine that a mother would ever speak to a child that way, but that’s my experience. It’s gone on for 53 years and I’ve become a Buddhist and got into meditation and learned forgiveness, meditated, cried, rebirthing, done heavy breathing, yogic stuff, upwards of $50,000 of therapy, and one phone call reopens the scar, and it is just like I’m four years old again, being abused by a parent.
When you’re abused, I was abused actually in the crib, neglected, part of the damage is pre-concept. So when the perpetrator comes back, you, it reopens something that’s often you don’t even have access to it in your conceptual mind. So all of my amazing techniques, I have 84,000 techniques to remedy pain, ALL go out the window. They’re useless in the in the midst of abuse. It’s like, energetically, narcissists, when they are abusive, it’s actually a form of emotional rape. They hover you in by believing that they’re safe and that they care about you. They forge intimacy, you open to them and then they try to have power over you. So they say things that make you feel like you have no merit, no value. It’s devaluing, insulting, condescending, using things to trump you intellectually or financially, like my mother used to say, “no matter how hard you try, you’ll never be as beautiful as I am.”
Whatever they can say to put you down, that makes them feel that they can build themselves up and actually gives them sort of a ego bump. Narcissists are predicated on a deep chasm of self-loathing, self hatred, inner disdain. They overcompensate by being self consumed, using others to build them up in a predatory way and discarding them when that supply is no longer feeding their vacuum, bottomless pit. So once you get hip, they get bored of you, you confront, or you’re not giving them the kudos that they live on, they are predatory, they are parasitic, you get cut out, you get usually a narcissistic rage, sworn at, attacked, and then ultimately blocked. So, I was raised by someone like this, a primary relationship. So that’s kind of the m.o. of my life.
I encounter these people, from time to time. It’s like an unspoken magnet. It’s like, I think they call it trauma reenactment. There’s this unspoken thing where it just kind of lights up. I meet this person who’s an abuser, who is a narcissist, who is the vacuum, who is a predator. And it’s like heroin, it’s compulsive. I can’t not, get into a codependent rapport with them where they hurt me, they break me, and then I try really hard to fix it. (fawn) So this dynamic has happened time and time again in my life. And relationships, romantic relationships, even friendships, it’s a constant theme, with my family. A lot of them are still alive, and disordered people. So, I’ve worked very hard to try to do things like block people, tell them to please stay out of my life.
But it is so hard. it’s much easier said than done to block a family member. I guess you have very deep karma. Other people, like my husband, will look at the outside and say, your mother’s sworn at you, she’s assaulted you, and you were 36 years old! She has used the F word in front of your child, she’s run around the house screaming. Why would you engender a relationship with someone who is disordered or deranged or tempered tantrums and emotionally violent? Walk away!” [He suggests]. Then I start crying, like as if I’m a baby, I’m 53 and I could start crying. And I say, “because I love her.” And no one no person, even disordered people are all evil. It becomes almost like an existential question. Like, if I give up, then it’s almost a testament to human beings being evil.
I don’t want to let go of the hope that the person would have a conscience, heal what they did that was wrong, and we could have a relationship. So, the hope never goes away in my heart, to be able to heal these narcissistic relationships. It really is the heart, the architecture of codependency. Like, codependency is defined as, you have an unhealthy attachment with someone and they hurt you, and yet you continue to engender the relationship. They call it fight, flight, [freeze] or fawn. Those are three different types of trauma responses. You get into high conflict or you try to block or run away, or you try to care take on it on and fix everything. You take on the karma and you try to process it. So those are three different unhealthy trauma responses.
So I admit being a child abuse survivor, and a physical assault survivor, from a number of sources in this life, I do the fight flight or fawn, and the people who normally, normal people who weren’t raised this way, you meet a toxic person and you recognize that and you’re like, “wow, this person is dangerous!” This person has a criminal past. This person has sworn at me, this person has devalued me, you walk away, you’re like, wow, I’m outta here… but not me! I actually like, kind of fall in love or I chase after I pursue, a parent or family member or friendship of someone that has been hurtful because I’m so like, chomping at the bit, longing to resolve it, believing that I’m lovable, believing that they must have a conscience, believing that we can all “work it out.”
And that’s how codependents work. So why it’s unhealthy and why it’s addictive is it’s almost like, with codependency as if, people become your drug of choice and alcoholic, would, even if their health is in danger, continue to drink until their liver fails, or heroin until someone OD’s. You do the same thing energetically with a person. You engender a toxic relationship of something that could actually destroy you, people can die from narcissistic abuse. They can get heart attacks, clinical depression, fibromyalgia, nervous breakdowns, because the psychological violence with narcissistic abuse is so incredibly cruel. It usually results in a, discard, devaluation and discard like a complete cut. The [narcissistic] person will usually say, “you mean absolutely nothing to me, stay the hell out of my life, I want no contact with you.”
This is, I’ve heard this, half a dozen times from these people. And, that type of icy cold violence, it looks good. Like, oh, we’re setting boundaries, but it’s actually a form of the most violent way of being cruel that you can possibly imagine. Because it’s saying that, you mean so little to me mean nothing, you’re insignificant. It doesn’t matter what I did, doesn’t matter what you feel, you mean nothing. Stay the hell out of my life. You don’t even merit one sentence. So, I mean, if someone’s raping you or if someone’s hurting you and physically assaulting you, at least you matter, at least, at least you sort of are engaged and the person cares enough to be hurting you. I mean, you’re still actually in relationship with the person. Your being means something, even if you’re being physically abused and then being physically abused either through assault or through rape, it is so clear to, to parse out that because it is a physical, concrete thing.
Narcissistic abuse or abuse from people who are cluster B disordered is so insidious and sometimes it is so long term and it can be abuse by silence, and it can actually kill somebody. It is very, very powerful, being blocked, being discarded. Because if someone is codependent and you’re into relational resolution, conversation, working stuff out, your mind actually short circuits, you don’t know where to go. No therapist can fix it. No other lover, no friend. It’s like, that’s why I’m talking to you guys. It’s like, your mind’s sort of short circuit because you can’t go back to the perpetrator to resolve the pain.
It stays as this sort of like, like a record skipping. It stays in your mind-stream. It never, it’s like you can’t even get on with your life. It just skips, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip skips, because it’s like you’re constantly being told by the silence that you are the wrong one. That you’re not even worth resolving it with. And this cold, icy, silent violence is, murderous. I don’t mean to be dramatic, but many people have lost their lives from being the recipients of narcissistic abuse because it is so in intensely conscienceless and cruel. I believe that some of these people that I’ve been in contact with, including my family members now around this inheritance, they actually intend to hurt. Like, what can I do to hurt her? What can I do? It sounds paranoid, and if people haven’t, I really commend anyone that has never been the recipient of a disordered person’s abuse because it is really heartbreaking.
So how to heal? I mean, it is funny because I’ve studied this. I have a degree in psychology. I have a certificate as a wellness coach. I have as, as I said, $50,000 of therapy, processing, meditating…seeing rainbows. I mean, I’ve done like everything that I can possibly think of to heal. One conversation with my perpetrator, boom, I’m just devastated again for an untold amount of time. Then I heal and I feel strong again. Pick myself up by the bootstraps, dusted off, gotten back into yoga, meditation, wellness. I’m radiant and doing well, and then I feel strong. Then another, narcissist in different form, it’s usually the same one in my life. My, my mom, will come back into the life and things will be okay for a short period of time.
I open again, I hope things are well. And then BAM, another instance of abuse. There’s no, it’s been 53 years and it’s only gotten worse. And I’ve only been patient forgiven, cried, confronted, blocked. I’ve tried every single trick in the bag: silence, walking away, pre-grieving their death. I mean, you name it, I have tried, I have forged this mountain like, I’m like an expert narcissistic abuse,a nd I’m just sitting here now on November 17th. It’s 6:33 PM in Boulder, Colorado, shaking and crying intermittently for about eight hours.
It causes a complete cognitive dissonance because if I give up the hope that I can resolve things with a narcissist, then the world feels like you’re letting evil win. You’re letting the darkest part of our human-ness have power. You’re letting them define a loveless conscienceless world where we hate each other and we use each other. We spit each other out. So to give up the hope to me, it is so weird. It just feels like, you’ve given into the basest part of our being. So, like, the hope for me is the most equivalent to like something existential, I hope that humans care for each other. I hope they regret when they hurt each other. I hope that someone who I cared about would see me as being lovable and good.
These are very, very deep things. That’s the fuel with which we stay engaged with toxic people because being the recipient of emotional, psychological abuse, which is, like I said, it’s a form of emotional rape. It’s like you become the walking wounded and you can have a mirror resonance with these people and recreate that pattern again and again and be hurt again and again. Sometimes it can take years or a lifetime or never to heal. So, I don’t actually know the resolve. I feel that like to just walk away and say, block everything and have no contact.
Yeah, I mean, that’s the m.o. that’s what they say. There’s only, that’s the only method of being able to try to have a semblance of a healthy life after emotional rape. But, at the same time, allowing the perpetrator to get away with it, charm everyone by their charisma, triangulate people against their victim. It just feels also wrong too. It’s like if I can quote former President Bush, he said, “silence is not peace, non-action is not peace.” So at the same note, I almost have this kind of veracity or compulsion to hold abusers accountable in every way, in my personal relationships and in politics and in my religion. I found out a few years ago that, there’s a lot of alcoholism and pedophilia and, I can’t really sign up for a religion and keep perpetuating it while there’s a bunch of perpetrators there.
I can’t put pictures up of pedophiles, all day and worship them and work for them. That doesn’t sound like really great job. There’s got to be, better things to do than put up pictures of “Catholic priest” pedophiles all day long. And people who’ve, run monasteries where kids are physically and sexually assaulted, it doesn’t seem like a really holy thing, I’ve got to find a better religion. So I, I call these things out and yeah, definitely the quintessential wounded healer, social justice warrior, that was predicated on being an abuse survivor in this life. If you know what it feels like to hurt, to hurt a child, you have a whole lot of energy in your heart to fight.
And, hopefully I’ve done some good work in this life. I’ve worked in politics and I worked to prevent child abuse, worked with seniors. I’ve worked as a mental health counselor. I don’t think there’s any way to completely ever become so Teflon coated, so iron-clad that you’re not hurt by someone who you love. Even if they are a narcissist, even if they’re disordered, it still hurts. You know? And I guess somehow even being a child abuse survivor, an adult abuse survivor, there’s the kind of grace that I have to know that I can still cry.
I can still love, I can still somehow have hope, in the goodness of humans and our ethics and our ability to change, grow, be accountable for our mistakes, for our abuse, care for each other, become tender. And, heal as species in families, friendships, communities. To give up that hope to me is like life and death, I could never give it up. So will I ever become super boundary filled, hopeless, give up on all my narcissistic friends, community, family members? No, I’m not physically capable of giving up. I will always hold a candle of hope and love and appreciation because it actually has to do with my own self worth. Like, I believe that I’m lovable. Ipso facto, I believe that these people who’ve hurt me will once, the, once the fog clears, will see that I’m a good person and that I’m worthy of love.
So hope prevails. I learned something recently when I was in counseling, and the counselor talked to me about, compassion and boundaries. Codependents don’t like the word boundaries, we’re like boundaries, schmoundaries? We love everyone! Everyone’s welcome in my heart. Everyone’s welcome in my life. I love everyone. I’ll fight to the mat for love, for relationships, for friendships, you know? She said that every single person, said the counselor, is worthy of your compassion. Even people who’ve done heinous crimes, Pol Pot and Hitler, sociopaths you can understand. It is not a justification. I mean, crimes are crimes, crimes against humanity are egregious, it’s the worst of what we are, but you can have compassion. I can understand the how’s and whys of how someone would rise to power and do these horrible things.
“Everyone is worthy of your compassion, your understanding of karma, your understanding of how they came to be, but not everyone is worthy of your emotional intimacy.”
So everyone is worthy of your compassion, your understanding of karma, your understanding of how they came to be, but not everyone is worthy of your emotional intimacy. Your heart should not be just a doormat of openness that you wear on your sleeve that anyone can break. She said that, who you allow into your inner circle of intimacy are people that have earned a place to be there through trust and through proving to you that they’re emotionally safe, that they have your best interest in mind. That they will not, idealize, devalue, discard, the narcissistic pattern of psychological abuse or, minimizing you not caring about your feelings, using you for their own gains, egoic or financial or sexual or whatever. But that, and then maybe there aren’t very many people in that inner circle, maybe there is only a cat, who knows?
The people who you allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable to, you allow people into your inner circle to become very close to you so they can hurt you, they’ve earned that place into your inner circle by proving that they love you. And that, there’s equity, equity in the relationship, equalness and reciprocity. That’s where codependents could learn boundaries. Like, hey, we do the opposite. We, we actually sometimes, it’s like the bad boy syndrome or the wounded healer, or like, we do the opposite. We kind of keep the people that would love us on the outside of the circle. We, because of the trauma reenactment and the resonance, we actually bring all the unwell people in.
We’re like, “hey, come on in, let’s duke this out, let’s fix this karmic stuff together.” So you actually bring the sick people in and keep the other ones in the outside. So it’s like a healing would be to reverse that. You have enough self love, self value, and you’ve healed to enough of a degree where you say, to the best of of what you can, family member, lover, child, pet, anyone, “you can only be in my circle of intimacy if you’ve earned a place there by proving that you are a person of, integrity, person of love, and that you, have my best interest in mind. You don’t want to hurt me. You don’t want to destroy me, you don’t want to use me. You’re not trying to game me for some nefarious purpose, but that it’s pure and it’s wholesome.”
So those are the people, even if it’s a very small circle, it’s better to have a really small circle of intimacy of people that have your best interest in mind more than a cesspool of toxic people that only destroy your life force. So that’s not compassion. Being destroyed is not compassion, you know? So anyway, I offer this to you tonight about boundaries. But, crying all day for eight hours, having been abused by a parent at 53, kind of big Baby Huey that hasn’t grown up yet. But, someone once said to me that, “your tears are your love.”
So, sometimes if people are disordered, they don’t value you or they’re unkind or cruel, it doesn’t mean that the love inside of us has to stop, but sometimes all we can do in this life is let them go and love from a distance. That’s actually compassion. And more like Ken Wilber’s Integral Way of seeing the world. Like we all have a right to manifest, all of our strengths and weaknesses and all of our neurosis and, there’s a place for it all and God’s grace kind of thing. So if a person chooses to be abusive and not value me, to use people to chew up and spit them out, to take vengeance, those are choices that they make, it doesn’t mean that I don’t love the person or see beauty in them, or have fond memories of them, but, they can’t really be in my space of intimacy if they’re going to be cruel.
And I’m glad I can still cry. I’m glad I can still love, I’m glad I can still get hurt. I think that would be worse, to have a heart that has gotten so jaded that it doesn’t feel anymore. So I’d rather go through bouts of paper thin snowflake grief, than to become hardened and to not care. I’d rather care too much than care not at all, or not enough. So, as Popeye said, “I yam what I yam.” And, tonight I’m grieving. Today I’m grieving. I have a narcissist that has no accountability and no conscience. There’s nothing I can do about it. So these are my words. This is my heart. I believe in the goodness of us all and all of my love and well wishes to everyone, always.
____________________________
Colophon:
Sadly, many of us will experience encountering a predatory narcissist at least once in our lives, especially if we were raised by a narcissistic parent. If we are vulnerable, the damage to our heart, mind and soul can be irreparable if it goes untreated. It can be so very hard to heal or leave an abuser, and sometimes the abuse is emotional, not physical. Idealize, devaluing and then discarding a human being is one of the most poisonous, cruelest, core-soul levels of abuse that we can experience. And sadly, the perpetrators blame their victims and walk away with impunity when they find no more use for you in terms of “narcissistic supply.”
This people have a grandiose sense of self-importance, are often times “high conflict personalities” and are hallmarked by never having a sense of conscience, empathy, regret, any ability to change or sincere apology. When they get discovered or have extracted your power completely, you are replaced with no closure and they go right on to find multitudes of other prey in the wake of your decimated heart. They even feel a sense of semi-sadistic power and control, knowing that they hurt you and were successfully able to exploit your perceived weakness… love.
According to Wikipedia rape is:
Rape is a type of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse or other forms of sexual penetration perpetrated against a person without that person’s consent. The act may be carried out by physical force, coercion, abuse of authority or against a person who is incapable of giving valid consent, such as one who is unconscious, incapacitated, has an intellectual disability or below the legal age of consent. The term rape is sometimes used interchangeably with the term sexual assault.[4]
Emotional rape is when a person is emotionally assaulted, where another person has intentionally emotionally perpetrated against a person without that person’s consent. No one, unless they have experienced it or have studied this type of abuse can realize how severely traumatized the victim will be. It is an attack on their personality/spirit/soul rather than their body, it is a very misunderstood trauma and often inflicted by primary care givers. Emotional rape is far more complex than verbal abuse and it is only when we can discuss it openly and candidly that we can help people recover from this sort of despicable abuse.
The narcissist will employ a number of tactics to do this which include:
This may well be one of my very favorite vegan dishes! I used to buy this often from Whole Foods and it’s much cheaper to make at home. The tofu has a crispy oven broiled finish and the peanut sauce is creamy, sweet and spicy. Healthy, filled with veggies. No animal products to boot!
• 24 oz./ 2 blocks extra firm tofu, cubed
• 3 T. olive oil
• 1 tsp. grated or powered ginger
• 1 T. grated or powered garlic
• 5 T. organic peanut butter
• 1 tsp. hot sauce
• 2 T. soy sauce
• 2 tsp. sesame oil
• 2 T. maple syrup
• 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
• Salt to taste
• 1 cup water
• 1 diced green pepper
• 1 diced red pepper
• 6 shredded baby carrots
• chopped green onion
• roasted peanuts
• Prepare Rice.
• Preheat the oven to 425°F. Coat tofu in olive oil, and sprinkle with salt. Bake tofu for 12-15 minutes, turn and broil until crispy. Remove from oven and set aside.
• Chop veggies and lightly steam all but green onions in a skillet.
• Roast peanuts in a frying pan with 1 tsp. olive oil.
• Put all the remaining ingredients in a bowl, whisk until creamy and then add to skillet pan cook until warm.
• Finally, add the tofu cubes, mix well.
• Garnish with green onion and peanuts. Serve hot with basmati rice.
I was at an exclusive health food restaurant yesterday and they had some chocolate avocado pudding in a small jar for $12. With food costs increasing and especially prepared food I just couldn’t justify spending $12 and little jar of pudding, so I made a mental note of the ingredients and ran home and made it that day! It turned out this pudding is absolutely amazing and healthy!
Cut open the avocados and remove the pit, use a spoon to scoop out, place in blender or food processor.
Add all other ingredients. Blend, starting on low and then moving to high speed until it is smooth.
Use a rubber spatula to scoop out pudding from blender, and place in a bowl.
Refrigerate the pudding and serve cold.
Serves 4-6.
We are thankful that our county allows us to raise chickens (hens, not roosters!), even in a suburban neighborhood. We can have up to 6, and repurposed an old Tough Shed into a heated coop. We are grateful to have about 4 organic, free range, healthy, farm fresh eggs per day! Closeups of our beloved hen “family.”
Here are the differences between commercial washed and unwashed eggs~
Before the hen lays an egg her body creates a protective layer called a bloom. The bloom protects the eggs from any bacterial entry by coating eggs with a protective sealant, as eggs have about 6000 pores.
Large commercial egg producers spray eggs with chemical disinfectants before packaging to reduce the risk of contamination with bacteria such as salmonella. When the eggs are washed the flora is removed leaving the egg pores open for potential new bacteria.
Without a protective layer it is recommended to refrigerate the washed eggs to about 45 degrees to prevent the growth of bacteria. If the eggs remain unwashed you can leave them on the kitchen counter. Unwashed eggs can keep at room temperature for about two weeks. If you are not going to eat eggs for a while we recommend storing them in the refrigerator. Lower temperatures increase shelf life and eggs will last up to three months in the fridge.
There she is. . . the “too much” woman. The one who loves too hard, feels too deeply, asks too often, desires too much.
There she is taking up too much space, with her laughter, her curves, her honesty, her sexuality. Her presence is as tall as a tree, as wide as a mountain. Her energy occupies every crevice of the room. Too much space she takes.
There she is causing a ruckus with her persistent wanting, too much wanting.
She desires a lot, wants everything—too much happiness, too much alone time, too much pleasure. She’ll go through brimstone, murky river, and hellfire to get it. She’ll risk all to quell the longings of her heart and body. This makes her dangerous.
She is dangerous.
And there she goes, that “too much” woman, making people think too much, feel too much, swoon too much. She with her authentic prose and a self-assuredness in the way she carries herself. She with her belly laughs and her insatiable appetite and her proneness to fiery passion. All eyes on her, thinking she’s hot shit.
Oh, that “too much” woman. . . too loud, too vibrant, too honest, too emotional, too smart, too intense, too pretty, too difficult, too sensitive, too wild, too intimidating, too successful, too fat, too strong, too political, too joyous, too needy—too much.
She should simmer down a bit, be taken down a couple notches. Someone should put her back in a more respectable place.
Someone should tell her.
Here I am. . . a Too Much Woman, with my too-tender heart and my too-much emotions.
A hedonist, feminist, pleasure seeker, empath. I want a lot—justice, sincerity, spaciousness, ease, intimacy, actualization, respect, to be seen, to be understood, your undivided attention, and all of your promises to be kept.
I’ve been called high maintenance because I want what I want and intimidating because of the space I occupy. I’ve been called selfish because I am self-loving. I’ve been called a witch because I know how to heal myself.
And still. . . I rise. Still, I want and feel and ask and risk and take up space.
I must.
Us Too Much Women have been facing extermination for centuries—we are so afraid of her, terrified of her big presence, of the way she commands respect and wields the truth of her feelings. We’ve been trying to stifle the Too Much Woman for eons—in our sisters, in our wives, in our daughters. And even now, even today, we shame the Too Much Woman for her bigness, for her wanting, for her passionate nature.
And still. . . she thrives.
In my own world and before my very eyes, I am witnessing the reclamation and rising up of the Too Much Woman. That Too Much Woman is also known to some as Wild Woman or the Divine Feminine. In any case, she is me, she is you, and she is loving that she’s finally, finally getting some airtime.
If you’ve ever been called “too much,” or “overly emotional,” or “bitchy,” or “stuck up,” you are likely a Too Much Woman.
And if you are. . . I implore you to embrace all that you are—all of your depth, all of your vastness; to not hold yourself in, and to never abandon yourself, your bigness, your radiance.
Forget everything you’ve heard—your too much-ness is a gift; oh yes, one that can heal, incite, liberate, and cut straight to the heart of things.
Do not be afraid of this gift, and let no one shy you away from it. Your too much-ness is magic, is medicine. It can change the world.
So please, Too Much Woman: Ask. Seek. Desire. Expand. Move. Feel. Be.
Make your waves, fan your flames, give us chills.
Please, rise.
We need you.
. . .
Copyright © 2014-2021 Ev’Yan Whitney. All rights reserved.
https://www.evyanwhitney.com/blog/too-much-woman
image: https://www.dreamstime.com/
A natural, safe and healthy alternative to commercial antiperspirants, that really works! I do have a history of breast cancer in my family, so it is suggested to never use commercial antiperspirants that clog your pores. I was looking for a safe, natural deodorant that works and this DIY All-Natural Deodorant is perfect! Not only does it stop odor naturally, but it contains an ingredient that actually helps to draw impurities from the skin.
Bentonite clay otherwise known as “healing clay,” is actually a volcanic ash, highly porous and absorbs the bacteria and other toxins, thus eliminating the chance to develop odor, without clogging pores. Bentonite clay deodorant can detoxify your body of toxins, parabens, and aluminum over time if you have been using commercial antiperspirants.
You can also substitute activated charcoal 1-1 for bentonite clay in this recipe, but I wear a lot of white, and the clay has a natural color.
Bentonite Clay also adds extra wetness protection by whisking away sweat, and pulls toxins from skin. Virgin coconut oil is a great natural antibacterial, and cornstarch or arrowroot absorb perspiration. You will notice it working immediately!
3 T. Virgin (unrefined) Coconut Oil
3 T. Shea Butter
2 T. Baking Soda
3 T. Cornstarch or Arrowroot Powder
2 T. Bentonite Clay
15-20 drops essential oil- my favorites are: Aveda Shampure, lavender, grapefruit, lime and tangerine
1. Place coconut oil and shea butter in a glass bowl or jar and place the bowl/jar inside a sauce pan.
2. Add water to the saucepan (enough to surround bowl/jar but not to overflow it) and bring to a boil.
3. As water is heating up, ensure to stir coconut oil and shea butter and continue to do so until it melts.
4. Once melted, in another bowl, add the corn or arrowroot starch, baking soda and essential oils, and stir together with a rubber spatula.
5. Place in a 3 ounce jar and allow to cool at room temp or in fridge (will harden faster in fridge) until it’s reached a solid state. The quantities above, once mixed fit perfectly into a 3 oz. jar, and it is enough for about 3-6 months.
6. Cover with lid until use.
Wet underarms slightly, our use right after shower or bath.
Spoon out a small, 1/3 t. amount with a wooden scoop or with fingers and rub between fingers before applying directly to underarms.
For a regular day, one application in the morning is fine. For hotter days, workouts or if you’re particularly warm, feel free to reapply as needed.
After applying deodorant, wait a few minutes to dry, before putting on clothing.
Hello Everyone! My family just returned from Sweden and each afternoon, it is part of their culture to have coffee and fika, meaning some type of cake or pastry. I was sadly ill for a few months, but am recovering and happy to have my family home to start cooking again! We have an urban homestead and raise 6 chickens, and they are now making 4-6 eggs every day, so I am finding creative ways to use our eggs. These pastries are decadent, but not altogether unhealthy, and are surprisingly easy to whip up on a Sunday afternoon.
Makes 18 pastries.
5 large egg yolks
3 cups whole milk
1/2 cup sugar
1/3 cup cornstarch
3/4 tsp. vanilla
1 cup of powdered sugar
1/4 cup whole milk
1 tsp. vanilla
1 packet of puff pastry defrosted
1 jar of organic apricot jam
parchment paper
rubber spatula
basting brush
1. Whisk egg yolks in a bowl and then stir in milk until blended. In another bowl, mix sugar and cornstarch. In a large heavy saucepan, pour dry mixture and then gradually stir in a small amount of milk mixture, whisking until smooth.
2. Slowly cook over medium-low heat, stirring constantly to prevent burning, until mixture thickens and comes to a boil, about 15 minutes, and then immediately remove from heat.
3. Cool custard in freezer quickly for 10 minutes or until thoroughly chilled about an hour. You can also place bowl in a larger bowl filled with ice-cubes and water to expedite.
4. While the custard is cooling, preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Open both square of puff pastry and place on a floured cutting board. Cut each into 9 squares.
5. When the custard is ready, whisk again to remove skin and clumps and place about 2T. of custard diagonal to each square. Fold each corner to close and pinch dough in center.
6. Cut parchment paper, and place onto two cookie sheets. Transfer pastries to cookie sheets and bake for about 15-20 minutes until puffed and golden brown.
7. While they cooling, brush with apricot jam and then make the glaze by slowly heating the powered sugar whisking in only a tiny bit a milk until it is smooth and creamy, add vanilla and whisk again.
8. Cool pastries and drizzle glaze, serve when cooled.
Turn your morning coffee into a deeply nutritive health enhancement with collagen and adaptogenic botanical mushrooms! I’ve discovered the absolute best recipe for making a quick and easy and super creamy and satisfying morning coffee with decadent, vegan coconut oil based heavy whipping cream which inherently has a lot of healthy fats from MCT oil and coconut butter, and a mushroom master blend for vibrant health. If you’re not a vegetarian you can add a small scoop well sourced, hydrolyzed collagen for essential cell regenerative peptides (yes, I think that collagen is an invaluable fountain of youth!). This is no ordinary coffee, it transforms your ordinary morning drink into a powerful elixir of energy boosting, self care.
Adaptogenic Mushrooms are superfoods and have many life and “chi” enhancing benefits and are powerful substances, you only need to add the 1/2 to 1/4 teaspoon amount included in the pouch per cup. Included in this blend* are:
*Text Courtesy of https://www.pharmaca.com/om-mushrooms-master-blend-90g
You can double or triple recipe
8 oz. quality roasted coffee like the Swedish Gevalia
1 T. coconut based, dairy free heavy whipping cream (or 1 tsp. coconut butter and 1 tsp. MCT. Oil)
1/2 tsp. grass fed hydrolyzed collagen peptide powder
1/2 tsp. Master Blend Mushroom Powder (or equivalent of your preferred mushroom powder)
1/4 – 1/2 tsp. raw honey (optional)
pinch of cinnamon, cardamon or nutmeg to top
Place all ingredients into a a small blender and blend until smooth and frothy. Pour into your morning mug, sip and enjoy!
Morning bulletproof coffee in the sun. (Yes, that’s my kitten in the back photobombing!)
Photo: Michael Telitsyn https://www.pexels.com/photo/brown-mushrooms-on-the-ground-9597366/
SELF CARE IS SACRED
LETTING PEOPLE GO WHO CONSTANTLY HURT, BLAME AND DEVALUE YOU WITHOUT REGRET MAY VERY WELL BE ONE OF THE MOST LIFE SAVING GESTURES OF LOVE YOU COULD LEARN
One of the most hurtful and dismissive non-apology apologies is for someone to say: “I’m sorry you feel that way.” It has been said to me about half dozen times by people and communities that I previously thought valued and respected me, or that were friends. It is one of the hidden tricks in an abuser’s toolbox. So let’s examine it for one minute. You’ve come to someone after they’ve been unkind, and you have care, respect and value for that person. You bravely talk about something that might have been hurtful that needs to be discussed openly. You may be an empathetic person that values healthy relational resolution. You may have invested years of friendship or in a working environment, and actually believed that you were valued and cared about. Part of health, transparency and clearing up negative karma, would be in fact, to bring to light and openly discuss something that one has done that was hurtful or insensitive, in order to clear the air and move forward in healthy way. You take a leap and venture into a slight risk of confrontation and say “hey what you said/did was really hurtful or curt and I’d like to talk about it so we can move forward.”
And here it comes…
The armored, dismissive, narcissistic gut punch…
I’M SORRY YOU FEEL THAT WAY
Ugh! Verbal violence extraordinaire, packed neatly into 6 small cutting words, usually followed up by a victim blaming, defensive counter blame and a litany of self justified excuses. You were not heard, cared about and the abuser has now doubled down, and threw your heart and all dignity under a bus. Where do we find these people, really? Where were they raised? I won’t say a barn, because my daughter works on a farm and the animals, sadly have more natural respect to each other than we often do.
Now, there is one caveat if you do hear these words, and in this case, there is sincere care. If I for example, were to wake up with a migraine and my husband says “I’m sorry you feel that way,” this is not the gaslight-y intention we are referring to above.
Abusers do not want to be accountable, ever. Let me say, ever. They are emotionally and developmentally immature, and their reactive pride is far outweighed over your feelings and longing to be heard and the pain, resolved. There are some versions of the dismissive non-apology, victim blaming to be on alert for:
“I’m sorry you feel that way.”
“I’m sorry you felt that way.”
“You are being dramatic.”
“It’s not my fault you feel upset, you need to own…”
“Why are you so sensitive/emotional/reactive?”
“Can we just move on, why are you holding this?”
“No one else [or insert name drop of another enabler] would have a problem with what I said.”
Please dear ones that care for others, strive for healthy, open and transparent relationships where there is mutual respect, appreciation and value. If you hear any of these false non-apologies, these are intended only to hurt and blame you further. I can recall two times, one recently with a girlfriend and one a few months ago where I got the “I’m sorry feel that way” non-apology and I regret to say it, but it is usually the blazing red flag sign of the end of the friendship.
Another time, I worked for a particularly dysfunctional dharma community, and I was actually yelled at by the director. I was running their website and we had a teacher event coming and I was brand-new to the community. As a volunteer I mistakenly chose the wrong image of another teacher who was coming from Nepal. It was a digital image that I put on the website. As soon as the director told me about it I immediately made the correction apologized profusely for my error.
He turned around and yelled me and accused me of being careless even accused me of being racist, and I was so distraught that I cried. That’s no way to treat an unpaid volunteer, or even a paid one! It turned out that that community had a long list of people that could not work under this director. I recently discussed a lot of these people in these “dharmic” communities have narcissistic tendencies and can be just downright unkind behind the scenes.
They wanted me to continue working and I did too, but I said “how you treated me was very unkind and I don’t feel comfortable and it doesn’t feel safe to continue unless the director had some accountability.” This is what’s called a behavior change request in relationships. And I think it safe to say, you can imagine the response that I got from the director and his assistant. They said to me- here goes…. “we’re sorry you felt that way.” No apology for the unkindness that hedged on abuse, no regrets for my tears it is basically saying a gentleman’s “eff you.” I resigned that day. This pattern repeated itself to a greater or lesser degree with some supposedly dharmic organizations I volunteered for. For many years, I truly blamed myself, but now, stepping back and reviewing, it wasn’t all me.
Please friends, do not allow yourself to be hurt or gaslit and manipulated by unkind (non)-friends or unhealthy communities or workplaces. Do not allow them the power over you to make you feel bad about yourself. If you came to someone with sincerity, an olive branch of longing to be heard to talk about what was hurtful or what was not helpful and the person just dismisses you and has no accountability, it is time to walk away.
I do tend to be a bit Polyanna and codependent always hold on to friendships, oftentimes I’ll give them one more chance and say “hey that wasn’t really an apology I’m still hurt about X,Y and Z,” the original issue. If I’m ghosted, blocked or they respond to me with defense rather than any humility or regret, then it is time to stop the madness and put a firm shut to that door.
Now, I know it is part of our survival system that human beings are hardwired to get defensive when confronted. If you do truly value the person and they come with some type of pain or misunderstanding or seeming conflict, and they long to be heard and for resolve, please self reflect as a first step. What they are saying to you just may actually have some validity.
If they truly misheard or misinterpreted something please don’t (ever) say “I’m sorry you feel that way.” You can always say “I’m sorry this happened between us” if you truly did no harm. The best is if someone expresses something to you, take a moment before reacting or defending yourself, sit with it, put yourself in their shoes. Try to see if there’s anything that you might have done and could have done better. I believe you will find something. Once you find it, you can say “you know what I was a little bit unkind or insensitive and for that I’m sorry.” It doesn’t take that much to heal friendships, we all make mistakes, sometimes we have ask ourselves if it is worth a tiny modicum of self-awareness and putting our pride aside to simply, apologize. I think it is. Accountability is kindness, compassion and health.
(trigger warning) We’ve been here before, right on the precipice of the very end of times with such global volatility. People and children are dying as we speak. Only 12 days ago, Ukrainian citizens were at home, warm with their families and now many have had to flee and thousands of lives lost. With our nuclear capability and valid threats from dangerous world powers, at any moment, all life as we know it on this planet could cease, conceivably, even by 5pm tonight. We are indeed at 100 seconds to midnight. The Indian Vedas call this the Kali Yuga, the era of destruction and grave loss of life. It is the culmination of longstanding acts of human greed, unkindness, conflict, abuse of the vulnerable, hatred, division and living out of balance with the earth’s natural resources. We all know very well, that we have arrived in this dark time in human civilization, but what can we do?
Since we may or may not have much time left, I’d like to reveal a secret or two. About three years ago I was working in state politics and even going to Washington D.C. and trying to be an activist as Trump had come into power, and many were living in constant fear and trauma. He was aligning with powerful, authoritarian dictators like Putin and North Korea, and this all seemed so dangerous. How can I take vows to be a help to our world and only escape into the opiation of my religion? I was disheartened that more of my friends didn’t get involved. I would go back and forth from meditation retreat to recharge and then back to the front line, hobnobbing with change-makers, activists and even some world leaders.
During that time, it was about a year before covid hit, I was here practicing in my meditation retreat house in southern Colorado. I was praying to the lineage of enlightened masters and Buddhas, our ancestral, collective wisdom. You could call it our collective unconscious, source, inner wisdom, insight, higher self, akashic, this body of wisdom has many names. Sometimes, I ask for advice, it’s not really praying to anyone theistically outside of me that exists like a god or spirits, it’s more of non-dual supplication to access inner wisdom and clear seeing. I was here for about a month meditating about 8 to 10 hours a day. We’re not really supposed to reveal anything happens on retreat but I will share this little snippet because it seems relevant.
I was asking the imagined lineage of enlightened masters (Guru Rinpoche) what I should do with my life to help our hurting world, and if I should continue to work as a political activist. I had applied to work for a progressive Senator in D.C., and had thoughts about running for office in Southern Colorado, etc. Then strangely enough, a whole entire piece of information came into my mind and I imagined that it was from this collective wisdom of the enlightened Buddhas. We had a conversation, if you will.
It was a bit foreboding, but I will share what they said- they said to me “Dawn we have something to tell you.” With a slight pause I listened to the information and more came. They said- in your lifetime you’re going to experience tremendous global upheaval and loss of life. They said- we want you to prepare now for these darker times. They said for me that I must stop being addicted to social media and wasting my life on “virtue signaling” and time wasting attention seeking, collecting endless “likes” on Facebook and Instagram and rather firmly CUT that addiction and recommit to my meditation practice.
They said- “We want you to practice for a full two hours in the morning two hours in the evening, and that will give you about four hours of practice a day. They said- if you meditate and implement the powerful practices that we’ve imparted to you, you will develop an inner fortitude to be able to withstand these darker times. I asked is there anything I can do, I would offer my entire life to help our world, I’ll go to Washington D.C., I’ll put myself in front of world powers as a peacemaker; I’ll do anything, what can we all do to stop the momentum of this darkness?” Right now, we are now helping with what we can, e.g. I’m giving money to Save The Children, Doctors without Borders, we are writing letters to our reps and encouraging big companies and banks to sanction Russia. What else?
The “inner wisdom” as I recall, replied: “Unfortunately the dark forces have been gleaning power globally for a very long time now and there’s not a whole lot that people can do to completely stop the momentum of this karmic unfolding.” They advised, you as a private citizen can do some small things to lessen the harm, but in general, we just have to let most of it run its course. However, what ‘we’ can offer to you, if you do these meditation practices as we have suggested, you can get through this time without any fear.”
Right now, I have the safety and privilege to meditate, but even that could change, and quickly. No nation, no one is safe from being touched by this. It will not help for me to only read the news and internet feed all day, and panic, being overcome by hopelessness and fear. We can’t practice if debilitated and destabilized, nor can we take any social action. Now is the time to develop inner strength and fearlessness in the face of the darkest days. This is the ultimate protection.
I often think of the quintessential heroic journey like Frodo from Lord of the Rings. He lived in such dark times, and his quest was to bravely retain his own goodness, heart, faith and inner light, even at the seeming end of times, even as he had to venture into the very molten front-lines of destruction. We truly don’t know how much time we have, ever. I have a good friend who used to live here in my mountain town, and just fell down with a seizure last week and is now on life support. He’s my age. Next week, another variant of Covid, may come into our population and restart the pandemic. If the global powers and Russian citizens and their military don’t put a stop to this bloodshed, midnight might be… tonite.
Stay strong, calm, clear, loving and grounded dear friends, now is the time to have accomplishment. Forgive yourself for all mistakes, all harm you did, all hearts you hurt, and completely forgive those that hurt you. I forgive everyone, including myself. The past two years were so hard for me and many of us: Trump, covid, such loss of life, economic challenges, constant fires even in my town and incessant natural disasters, an insurrection, my heart was utterly broken again and again by friends and family and sangha I loved and trusted. I lost the outer constuct of my religion because of dated theocracy, deluded spiritual codependency, and abuse to students and children. It’s been samsara on steroids. Welcome… we have indeed entered the Kaliyuga.
With that said, every moment is new, and in a instant, we can wipe all karma clear in our mind and heart, and be in the warmth of our love and human goodness. This is our nature, our birthright that can be cultivated and can never be taken from us, even with our last breath. The inner light always, always shines even in the darkest of times. Love to you all, always, no matter how many seconds we have left.
A candle for Ukraine, a candle for us all. May we find our inner light in times of such darkness.
Uploaded at February 11, 2016
Smörgåstårta- A Swedish Sandwich Party Cake
My family is a Swedish/American hybrid and I am proud to say that I’ve learned to make a really healthy and decadent traditional Swedish Sandwich Party Cake called a Smörgåstårta, yes it’s like a smorgasbord. I rarely use any meat or seafood and very few animal products, but this follows our Whole Foods Plant Based Diet, so once a year, I make this shrimp, salmon and caviar cake for my husband’s birthday! We did discuss creating a vegan version of this, maybe we can create that for next year. Once you compile all of the ingredients, it’s easy to put together. Some people use edible flowers too, this cake is truly a work of art and can feed many at once.
Serves: 6-8
8 oz. ready made- salmon, whitefish, krab or egg salad spread or home make your own
1 lb. medium cold water shrimp- cooked, peeled, de-veined and de-tailed, chilled
1 lb. Norwegian smoked salmon filet, (or gravlax) sliced
5-6 hard boiled eggs peeled and sliced
16 slices of quality organic white/potato bread (1- 1lb. loaf of organic white/potato bread with crusts cut off)
8 oz. Neufchatel cream cheese
8 oz. organic sour cream
1 cup Veganaise
3 T. fresh dill chopped
1 long organic British cucumber washed and thinly sliced
1/4 cup organic radishes washed and thinly sliced
1 organic lemon thinly sliced
1 cup organic cherry tomatoes quartered
Optional: Kalles Caviar to taste
ground black pepper to taste
First, prepare Smörgåstårta “frosting”: In a mixing bowl use a whisk to combine cream cheese, sour cream and mayonnaise until smooth.
Slice all vegetables as directed above.
Take 1/2 of the shrimp and slice lengthwise.
Place four slice of bread on a larger serving plate.
Spread all of the chosen [salmon] spread all over the first bread slices.
Layer with thin slices of cucumber.
Slather some of the Smörgåstårta cream frosting on another 4 pieces of bread and place over the cucumber layer.
Spread some of the Smörgåstårta cream frosting all over the second layer of bread slices.
Break up about 1/2 of the smoked salmon and place on top of cream.
Spread some of the cream frosting all over the bottom of the third layer of bread slices, and place on top.
Spread some of the cream frosting all over the top of the third layer of bread slices.
Place the sliced shrimp on top of cream, and then sliced eggs to fit.
Top with the fourth layer of bread.
Take the rest of the Smörgåstårta cream and frost like a cake with a rubber spatula.
Warm and wet a butter-knife and smooth.
Decorate the cake artfully with remaining ingredients, making smoked salmon “roses,” alternating with remaining cucumber, radishes and shrimp.
Finish with fresh ground pepper and Kalles caviar.
Anastazja Holečko
Abstract
Traditional Tibetan medicine perceives so prevalent mental problems as an imbalance of the subtle Wind energy, or Lung in Tibetan. It is one of the three humors (rlung, mkhris pa, bad kan) that govern our health. When out of balance, Lung can cause such symptoms as emotional lab- ility, anxiety, panic attacks, depression, or bipolar disorder, to mention just a few. Over millennia Tibetan medicine has compiled a system of effective methods to rebalance the three humors and bring back the state of health. To the healing methods belong therapeutic diet and lifestyle, herbal compounds, and a wide range of external therapies, such as Tibetan massage kunye, moxa, horme, or yukcho. On top of that spiritual healing, connected with Buddhist tradition, is applicable.
Keywords: Tibetan medicine, depression, nying lung, horme, yukcho, nejang.
Lek. med. Anastazja Holečko is a medical doctor, graduated from the Medical University of Lodz, living and practicing in Prague, Czech Republic. She has completed the studies of traditional Tibetan medicine at the International Academy of Traditional Tibetan Medi- cine (IATTM), and did the internships in Dharamsala, India and Amdo, Tibet. She is the chef editor of the “Journal of Traditional Tibetan Medicine”.
e-mail: nastimi@gmail.com https://www.happyandhealthy.cz/en
One of the most common complaints of our busy modern times is, gently speaking, lack of mental calmness. It extends from relatively mild forms like attention deficit, restlessness, insomnia, emotional lability, lack of concentration, anxiety, burnout, to more serious mental disorders like panic attacks, bipolar disorder and depression.
Defined as “a common mental disorder that presents with depressed mood, loss of interest or pleasure, decreased energy, feelings of guilt or low self-esteem, disturbed sleep or appetite, and poor concentration”, it becomes a more and more frequent problem not only in the developed countries. According to the WHO, depression affects 350 million people worldwide, and it will be the leading cause of disease burden worldwide by 2030. If burnout, grief reactions and other stress related disorders were included in the diagnosis-criteria of depression, this could lead to a lifetime prevalence of about 80%.¹ People with depressed mood can feel sad, anxious, empty, hopeless, helpless, worthless, guilty, irritable or restless. Insomnia, excessive sleeping, fatigue, aches, pains, digestive problems or reduced energy may also be present.² While our Western physicians tend to concentrate on physical complains, ignoring mental state of a patient, this immense mental suffering can even lead to suicide. The treatment of depression brings many side effects and is not in long term successful.
On the other hand, traditional Tibetan medicine can offer a cure for such problems. It is based on a natural healing system, as well as on Buddhist view. Although Tibetan medicine originated from the Bon tradition approximately four thousands year ago, over the time the Buddhist elements soaked in and became an inseparable part of this medical tradition. Already in the second century ce two Ayurvedic doctors moved to Tibet from India, to spread their knowledge in the Land of Snow. However, the biggest impact on development of Tibetan medicine had “transplantation” of Buddhist teachings to Tibet by Guru Rinpoche (pad ma ‘byung gnas, 730–810 ce) in the 8th century ce. At these times, when Tibet was under a rule of a Tibetan king Trisong Detsen (khri srong lde btsan, 742–798 ce), there took place a significant historical event – the First Congress on Traditional Tibetan Medicine in Samye, where the most eminent doctors from all the neighboring countries came
It was then that outstanding doctor and a Buddhist practitioner called Yuthok Yonten Gonpo (g.yu thog yon tan gon po, 729–854 ce), became known as a founder of Tibetan medicine. He combined the knowledge from the ancient texts (like Bum zhi – first Tibetan text on medicine), his deep personal experience and wisdom, and teachings from the doctors from the other countries to create Gyu shi (rgyud bzhi), the Four Medical Tantras that became the basis for traditional Tibetan medicine.
Yuthok stressed that for achieving a stable health, both physical and mental, it is crucial to engage into spiritual development and work with mind. And so he wrote his second “jewel” – Yuthok nying tig (g.yu thog snying tig), the cycle of spiritual practices for Tibetan doctors and lay practitioners.³
Also the original name of Tibetan medicine – Sowa Rigpa (gso ba rig pa) reflects the importance of mental work. Sowa is usually translated as “healing” and rigpa as “science”, resulting in “healing science”. However, it can also be translated as sowa “nourishment” and rigpa as “awareness”, giving “nourishment of awareness”. It seeks the real causes of all suffering, both physical and mental, and is coherent with the Buddhist view on that.
So what is the principal cause of all suffering? According to Tibetan medicine, it is the ignorance of our true nature and the nature of universe (Tib. marigpa). Due to this basic ignorance we perceive the world in a dualistic way, which gives rise to 84000 of disturbing emotions. They can be summarized to three main emotions, called also mind poisons: attachment, aversion and confusion. Those are closely connected with the energies in our body, so-called Three Humors (nye pa gsum): Wind (rlung), Bile (mkhrispa) and Phlegm (badkan). Imbalance of the Three Humors manifests later on as a disease on a physical level.⁴
Table 1: The Three Humors
Chronic stress, extremely busy life style, lack of sleep, improper food, is something our nervous and hormonal systems are not handling well in longer term. It leads to chronic elevation of stress hormones like cortisol, and later on to adrenal burnout, which affects multiple functions of our body and mind.
From the Tibetan medicine point of view, it brings imbalance on the energy level, the three humors, and those affect both the mind and the body. The most often target of such an unbalanced lifestyle is Lung humor, responsible for the mental health.
The direct translation of Lung is Wind, and its nature is constant movement. Its functions are highly complex. Its subtle part (phra rlung) is inseparably connected with mind, constituting its movement aspect, à côté de awareness aspect. It can be compared to a horse on which the mind rides. Movement enables the constant flow of thoughts, emotions, and perception.
The gross aspect of Lung (rags rlung) manifests on energy level as five so-called karmic Winds. Each of them plays important role in the body functioning, from breathing, swallowing, excreting, to transmitting nervous signals to brain, and regulating heart beat. In the table 2 below the functions of each karmic Lung are listed in detail.
Depression in particular is caused by Lung disorder in the heart. Heart is one of the Lung locations in the body – the seat of All-pervading Lung. When it is in balance, it governs the heartbeat, controls sense organs, the skin pores, and all bodily movements. Abnormal function of Lung in the heart is called Nying Lung (snying rlung) and brings the symptoms of depression.
According to Tibetan medicine, the primary cause of Lung disorder is ignorance and excessive desire/attachment. However, there are also secondary causes, or conditions, that are necessary for a disorder to manifest. While primary causes can be compared to a seed sewn in mind, secondary causes are like soil, water and sun that enable the seed to grow.
To secondary causes in Tibetan medicine belong: diet, lifestyle, seasons, and negative external influences. From these, diet and lifestyle are of special importance, because we decide on them every day. Thus we can choose whether to support our health, or bring further imbalance to our system.
In the table 3 below there are specified secondary causes increasing Lung imbalance.
Table 3: Secondary causes that increase Lung
We keep planning the future, we dwell in the past, regretting what has happened, and rarely enjoying the present moment – the only one truly existing. Our mind becomes in a way “detached” from the body, from the powerful moment being “here and now”. Such busy, unstable mind is easily provoked by so-called immediate causes that trigger the Lung reaction. It can be grief and sorrow, e.g. lost of dear ones, bad news and unpleasant events, stress and overworking, overexerting of body, speech or mind.
Particularly susceptible to Nying Lung are people of Lung typology who have an inclination to Lung disorders from birth. Deprivation of love, friendship, or wealth, also contributes to Lung imbalance. Predisposing factors are also unhealthy heart and disturbances in the central channel.
The signs and symptoms of Lung in the heart that a Tibetan doctor looks for while taking the medical history, are as follows:
On top of history taking a Tibetan doctor checks also patientʼs pulse, urine and sense organs. The indication of Lung excess would be empty, floating pulse, clear, bubbly urine and dry, red, rough tongue.⁵
What concerns treatment, the patient is always approached holistically in Tibetan medicine. When causes of imbalance are found, the treatment is aimed to remove the causes and re-install the balance on all the levels: physical, energy, and mental.
There are four main methods of treatment in TTM: diet, lifestyle, herbal medicines, and external therapies. They aim to find an antidote that would rebalance Lung. Lungʼs six characteristics are: subtle, light, cold, mobile, rough, dry. Therefore the substances, be it the food, drinks, or medicines, of same qualities will increase it, and those with the opposite qualities (heavy, oily, warm, stable, soft) will pacify it.⁶
Table 4: Characterstics of Lung and its antidotes
In the table 5 below, there are specified the healing methods for Nying Lung.
Diet
Warm, oily, nutritious foods, like bone and meat broth, nettle, onion, garlic, tsampa, beef, sheep, horse meat, aged meat, aged butter, seed oils, milk, chang
Lifestyle
Enough sleep (8-9h); Warm, cosy, dark place, devoid of distraction; warm clothes; pleasing the senses, pleasant music and words, smells, colors, soft touch; company of beloved people; contact with nature
Medicines
Soups prepared from: nutmeg, red salt, asafetida, ginger, black salt, caraway, bones; alcohol infusions from: Asparagus, Polygonatum, Angelica, Tribulus terrestis, brown sugar, tsampa dough; powders and butters based on: nutmeg, asafetida, back salt, black pepper, long pepper, ginger, cinnamon, pomegranate, cardamom, Terminalia chebula, Tinospora cordifolia, garlic
External therapies
Tibetan massage Kunye; horme (Mongolian moxa) and moxa on Lung points; compress with oils; mild enema with warm aged butter; steam bath using bone broth
Table 5: Healing methods for Lung imbalance
The above-mentioned methods are very effective, especially when used all together. Improper diet and lifestyle has to be addressed to reach a better result and prevent recurrence of the disease. Tibetan massage Kunye (bsku mnye) has deeply relaxing and settling down effect, especially due to application of warm oil on all body surface. Horme and moxa applied on the therapeutical points connected with Lung help rebalance this humor.
Figure 1: Warming up Lung related points with Horme
Figure 2: Heating the Lung points with moxa
There is a number of herbal formulas that can be applied. Many of them are based on eagle wood (Agar), like Agar 8, Agar 15, Agar 20.⁷ Among other formulas there are Srog ‘dzin 11, Sems bde, Dza ti 5, Arnag 6, or famous Bimala (Dzati nyishu yang zer), named after its founder, Vimalamitra (dri med bshes gnyen). This great master who lived in India in the 9th century ce prophesized that in future the Nying Lung disorder will be widely prevalent, people will be confused, emotionally unstable, thinking about thousands of things at the same time, and having problems concentrate on anything. He invented a formula that would calm down these symptoms.
If Bimala, or other herbal formulas for Nying Lung are not available, there is a simple recipe one can do at home. This is a tisane of the three substances: 100g of ginger, 100g of asafetida, 5g of salt (halitum violaceum). Mix all the ingredients and put a teaspoon of this compound in a glass of hot water, drink hot. It helps in case of insomnia, emotional ability, sadness, and depression. A pinch of nutmeg in warm milk before sleep can also help to balance Lung.
On top of the above-mentioned methods, in Tibetan medicine there is a fifth category of treatment, spiritual healing. Here belong various types of meditations, like mindfulness meditation, Empty Body meditation, Breathing meditations, Medicine Buddha meditation, Mantra Healing, and other. An interesting technique called Yukcho (dbyug dchos), coming from the terma tradition, is a stick massage that introduces a gentle vibration on the points of Lung, releasing its blockages (see figure 3).⁸
Another method to unblock the Lung, is Tibetan healing yoga Nejang (gnas byang). It is a medical part of Tsa Lung Trul Khor (rtsa rlung sprul ‘khor, yantra yoga), coming from the Kalachakra Tantra tradition. It uses the breath combined with body movements and self massage to purify the energy locations in the body thus using the anchor of the physical body to bring the Lung energy down. When the energy becomes balanced, then the mind can become happy (see figure 4).
Figure 3: Yukcho – stick therapy
Figure 4: The interconnections between body, energy and mind
The patient must consciously participate in the healing process. Without taking responsibility for your own health the results are much less clear. In Tibetan medicine, the patient gets a great support on the physical and energy levels, which makes it easier to work with the primary causes of disease
– mind ignorance. Eating warm, nutritious food, taking Tibetan herbs and applying Tibetan therapies helps mind relax and settle down, tame the wild horse of Lung. But in this busy world we have to consciously create time for rest and calm, learn how to relax, find time for friends and family.
Other advices that Tibetan doctors give to depressed patients are: breathe deeply and slowly, concentrate on the positive, find inner peace. Stop complaining, donʼt blame others for what happened to you, donʼt try to explain
everything to yourself, just let it be. Accept defeat, but donʼt cling to faults. Train mindfulness, be here and now. Train bodhisattva way of life, focusing on how to help others rather than on your own problems.
The ultimate aim of healing in Tibetan medicine is convergent with the aim of Buddhist spiritual practice – to realize that the nature of mind is timeless clear light, and all its contaminations, emotions, thoughts are only transient. By dissolving the ignorance about mindʼs nature one dissolves all the suffering, be it mental or physical. Combining the profound methods of Tibetan medicine with Buddhist meditation can thus bring lasting results in treatment of depression.
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Cauliflower and Leek Mashed “Potatoes”
My family absolutely loves creamy mashed potatoes with pretty much everything. However I’m tending toward a more low-carb., nutrient dense lifestyle and mashed potatoes don’t really cut it anymore. However, I discovered the best alternative. I was making cauliflower mashed that was a little bit bland, so with the addition of steamed leeks it adds more of an onion-y, spicy depth and kick to the mashed potatoes. They are a really flavorful and nutritive side dish, you will want to make often. Here, I’m using heavy whipping cream but you could substitute that for half-and-half or any unsweetened nut milk and I’m using organic salted butter but you could also substitute that for vegan butter. You could also add grated Parmesan or Gruyere cheese if desired.
Needed: Food Processor or Blender
Holiday Roasted Chestnuts- With Easy to Peel Skins
Serves 2.
I’ve spent a lot of time over the years in New York City since I have family that lives close by. One of the treasures that I remember during the holidays is to buy steaming warm chestnuts from the street vendors on mitten-handed cold afternoons. They were always warm and perfectly cooked and you get a nice brown paper bag filled with steaming sweet holiday treats!
However, over the years I’ve tried to make them at home and follow the instructions by doing the traditional crisscross slice each on of them and roasting them at 425°F. However, they never quite came out as well as the New York City vendors which had more of like a steaming process, so I found the perfect home recipe. The trick is to make one simple slice that breaks through the skin on either side and then boil them first about 10 minutes, this softens the skin that pre-cooks them prior to roasting so you won’t get the fibrous hairy, barky skin sticking to the chestnut.
Over the years, I’ve consulted and mentored with a few experts in the field of anxiety, alternative medicine and functional medicine. These two doctors that helped when I’ve had questions or intermittent bouts of anxiety and insomnia had positive, encouraging and alternative views about anxiety. They offered treatments that do not involve taking anti-anxiety medicine, antidepressants or any type of allopathic medicine.
As a health and wellness coach, I of course, cannot advise people to either take medicine or not, and please never discontinue your prescribed medicine without a doctor’s careful supervision. My personal choice is to work with the propensity to have anxiety in a holistic, whole-person way, and these are invaluable tools irrespective of your medication usage. Every small change helps; I suggest making just a few incremental changes when we are trying to change a hardwired habit or propensity. This list of 12 steps came as a summary and mind/body suggestions from one of my excellent Mind/Body Medical Doctors here in Boulder Colorado, and I personally have benefited from these suggestions and resources so wanted to share them with you:
The Mind/Body doctor wanted to emphasize that anxiety and insomnia is a very common problem, and not a psychiatric disease. Anxiety, as far as he is concerned, is a normal brain responding in a very common way to experiences it has had. He said that it was very important to understand that we are not broken and we do not have a “disorder” that has to be “fixed”. He noted that people who suffer with this, have some brain circuits that developed outside of our conscious awareness, and we can work towards self healing.
He states: “I think we do ourselves a grave disservice when we call anxiety a “disorder”. It is a physiologic condition (not a psychiatric “illness”) characterized by increased adrenaline, cortisol, histamine and other inflammatory chemicals. We may be having these symptoms more frequently than we would like, but this is not a disorder or a disease. Diabetes and appendicitis are disorders/diseases and can be treated medically, but anxiety is a condition that has been shared by almost everyone on the planet, so let’s not call it a disorder. Now that we understand how your own brain (autonomic nervous system) is causing your symptoms, we can take some steps to change the patterns your brain is running.” Bradley D Fanestil, MD.
1. Watch this TED Talk by Johann Hari. His book has way more great information and he usually recommends that EVERYONE with anxiety or depression read his book called “Lost Connections”. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MB5IX-np5fE&t=873s From his TED Talk: “If you’re depressed, if you’re anxious, you’re not weak, you’re not crazy, you’re not in the main a machine with broken parts. You’re a human being with unmet needs.”
2. Watch this TEDx Talk by Tim Box about anxiety. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZidGozDhOjg
3. Or this TED Talk by Kelly McGonagle about stress. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcGyVTAoXEU&t=360s
4. Consider reading “Hope and Help for Your Nerves” by Claire Weekes MD
5. Read this blog by David Hanscom MD (author of “Back in Control: a surgeon’s roadmap out of chronic pain“. Also, internet and podcasts.
*If we have issues with anger (not everyone does), here is a podcast where David Hanscom is interviewed about anxiety and anger: https://vidalspeaks.com/podcasts/emotional-healing/dr-david-hanscom-anger-and-forgiveness-episode-84/
6. We might talk more about the power of mindfulness and meditation in the future. There is a LOT of scientific evidence that brain chemistry, brain circuitry and even brain VOLUME changes with mindfulness practices.
For now, he recommended that we start doing an “active mini-meditation” – for just 3 seconds – multiple times per day:
A. Drop your shoulders.
B. Do a three second “active mini-meditation”, drop your shoulders and then take one slow deep breath in and out through the nose.
C. Repeat throughout he day, when needed.
7. If we have been told we have ADD or ADHD, consider reading Scattered Minds by Gabor Mate.
8. Watch this 4 minute Gabor Mate video clip:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3bynimi8HQ
9. Watch this TED Talk by Phil Borges, director of the movie “Crazywise”-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_KSYu1Tqx8
10. Try expressive writing – ok to not continue with it if we do not perceive any benefit, but just try it for 2-3 days and see if we notice any less tension in your system or any other benefits. After that, we can decide if it is something we want to continue regularly or not at all or just on certain days.
11. Commit to engaging with the idea that we can take control over our own nervous system.
Mind Body Medicine is a form of Self-Care, and requires for us to do some work.
Our symptoms are in no way our fault. Instead they emanate from neural circuits in the brain that began outside of our conscious awareness. But even so, there are ways to rewire these neural circuits so that we can feel better. Medications and procedures might temporarily blunt symptoms, but only YOU can change the neural pathways that your brain is running, so he insists that we start educating ourselves.
12. Education, education, education. Look at the suggested videos, start reading books. We should learn as much as we can about new neuroscience in order to understand how our subconscious brain (our Autonomic Nervous System) is running alarm signals and to start believing that we can get control over it, and heal completely.
Working with these alternative doctors and both Mind/Body and Functional Medicine, has been invaluable to me over the years as part of my healing process. The doctor that I went to, Bradley D Fanestil, MD. was actually covered by insurance, as a lot of policies are now honoring alternative medicine like chiropractic, acupuncture, preventative medicine, wellness medicine and even Reiki healing. Dr. Fanesil, met with me for almost two hours awhile back and he was so excited about his craft and his understanding of the bio-mechanics of anxiety. He passionately wants to impart to all of us, how these issues are hardwired into our autonomic nervous system and, according to him, are not considered a mental illness. Anxiety and insomnia are natural, common and normal responses to trauma, stress, adrenal fatigue and certain life experiences. With a few small mindfulness techniques, education and self care, over time, he believes that we could heal and restore our systems completely.
East meets west, a modern “Cleansing Panchakarma” detox retreat! Traditional Indian Ayurvedic cleanses offer a holistic approach to taking time off for oneself to detox, cleanse and restore body and mind. John Douillard, a noted Ayurvedic Doctor, says that Panchakarma means literally to “punch your karma,” or make a bold step toward stopping unhealthy patterns in body and mind that would otherwise give way to disease. How can we function well if we are over-stressed and overworked and… overweight? We need regular self care, tune up time.
Life these days is traumatic, period, and we don’t generally process stress, grief and loss well in our culture. Preferably it’s best to undertake this mini-program on a weekend three day vacation so that you could escape your daily grind. Whether you have family life, or rent a cabin in the forest, try to find a spot where you can observe some silence, at least while the family is away or create a quiet retreat room in your house. I try to do one of these every month. It’s recommended to keep away from excess stimulation, media, cell phones and invest your time resting, walking in nature, reading light material, as well as practicing gentle yoga and meditation.
This mini-retreat can be used for healing and weight loss as well. The Indian curry dhal-bat diet called kitchari that’s traditionally used for three meals however, isn’t great for westerners exclusively, as it consists mostly of mung beans and rice. Those are generally considered high carb, survival foods. In the west, we have a different constitution and time and I found simple, high protein foods that are much more appropriate to add to the cleanse for weight loss. However, you will make a big pot of this kitchari, it is very easy to digest and after day 1 you will notice the digestive cleaning process.
I wanted to offer something as simple as possible that could go for all three different doshas or body types. This diet is focusing on Kapha body types, ones with slower metabolism, and with some extra weight. I personally have found that a hybrid of the Indian system and the keto work well for a three day personal retreat and if you like you can extend it to six days or nine days, however long you have. This could be done on a weekend or just taking a few personal days off to be alone in the comfort and quiet to do in your own home. Adjust your own portions, listen and your body will tell you how much or little it needs.
This retreat can release unresolved emotions stored dormant in our mind and heavy connective tissue. To cope, avoid the urge to re-suppress anything and use exercise and meditation to soothe your heart and soul. Walk, laugh, cry, allow whatever needs a voice to be released. My teacher Tsoknyi Rinpoche said “if you let the mind come out, it will.” Be gentle with yourself and your experience, joys comes often after the purging of tears and fears, likewise health comes after the purging of toxins.
Simplifying your diet allows your body to divert it’s energies to mobilizing and releasing accumulated toxins. According to Ayurveda, a few foods are easier to digest than others and therefore are preferred whenever you undertake a detoxification. Here is my hybrid, holistic “recipe” for Panchakarma:
1. 12 minutes of Yoga, sun salutations, outside is best, do whatever flow you are used to.
2. Keto creamer organic coffee or Kapha keto creamer chai tea with ginger and cinnamon, and a pinch of clove.
For the keto creamer, I add 1 tbs grass-fed whey power, stirred together with almond milk add stevia if needed.
3. 1/2c organic yogurt and 1/2 c raspberry, blackberries, and blueberries, or apples and pears
or 1/2c organic cottage cheese and 1/2c sliced red peppers and cucumbers (if dairy free, soy yogurt can be substituted)
4. Morning after breakfast meditation for at least 12 minutes, you can recite a calming mantra or affirmation.
5. Mid Morning, drink a quick shot of 2 teaspoons of organic apple cider vinegar
Courtesy of: https://www.marthastewart.com/1165773/kitchari
Since your digestion is strongest when the sun is brightest, it’s best to eat your biggest meal at noon, also have a little lighter dinner.
Recipe for Kitchari
Ingredients:
2 cups uncooked split red lentils
1 cup uncooked organic white basmati rice (rinse with water until water runs clear)
1 tablespoon of ghee (can substitute olive oil)I used 4 tbs of quality bulk curry powder or you can use:
[2 tbs turmeric and 1 tbs fresh grated ginger root or 1 teaspoon ginger
2 bay leaves
1 teaspoon per black mustard seeds, cumin, and garlic powder
Optional: ½ teaspoon each coriander powder, fennel, and fenugreek seeds]6 cups water
½ teaspoon salt (rock salt or sour pink salt is best)
Sliced carrots, and or chopped spinach, chard, or beet greens
Pan fried, cubed tofu.Instructions:
Rinse the mung beans till the water runs clear. I soak mine overnight or a for a few hours before cooking. Bring beans to a boil 6 water cups
Cook beans and rice together until until become soft (about 30 to forty minutes).
The the beans and rice are cooked, I heat up 2T ghee or olive oil in a fry pan and cook the spices lightly, and then add them to beans and rice.
Add vegetables and tofu, cilantro leaves as a garnish just before serving, if desired. Add salt to taste.
1. 2 c. kitchari with vegetables and tofu.
2. Lemon or mint water room temp or warm, 8-10 glasses per day, ginger or mint tea or tea and dairy free chai can be alternated.
3. Cardio walk or workout interval is best for at least 12 minutes.
4. Listen to healing music, read, light spiritual or poetic reading, long walks outside, 5 element nature bathing.
1. Eat 2 cups of ready made kitchari.
2. Add 2 teaspoons of oil- flax, ghee, olive or coconut.
3. Early evening sunset walk, celebrate each night and try to see the magical sunset to seal the day.
4. Massage your body for 15 to 20 minutes with 8 oz of lightly pan warmed organic sesame or coconut oil, from head to toe, hair too! The coconut I warm in my hands.
5. I then do my evening meditation for 12 minutes with a towel under me, to let my skin absorb the oil, then take a shower or bath. Scrub your body with natural or Dr. Bronner’s soap and use a dry brush over whole body toward your heart as this provides a lymphatic massage, but let some oil to stay on the skin before bed. You can do the oil and bath in the afternoon instead as well.
6. Get at least 7-8 hours of good, nourishing, self care sleep.
✓Dry Wooden Brush
✓ 2 Jars Raw, unfiltered organic Coconut Oil
✓1 lb. Basmati Rice
✓1 lb. Red Lentils
✓Bunch fresh spinach, carrots
✓1 block organic Tofu
✓Large bag of bulk Curry Powder
✓1 large container of Organic Yogurt
✓Berries, Pears and or/ Apples
✓1 small carton almond milk or sugar free soy creamer
✓Grass fed whey powder
✓Mint or ginger tea
✓Fresh lemons or lemon juice bottle
✓Coffee or black tea (mornings only, as desired with almond milk)
Check with your doctor before beginning any diet, exercise or weight loss plan, and not recommended if pregnant or lactating. This diet is not intended to diagnose, cure any disease, this is what I personally have found, heals me… Try it if it’s safe for you, and please let us know how it worked for you!
Here’s to your new, yogic and healed self!
Dawn Boiani
Owner
Originally Published on: Jun 24, 2019 on Sakura Designs
I am grateful to live part time in southern Colorado in a small, remote spiritual community in the Sangre De Criso Mountains called Crestone. We have a lot of varying spiritual centers here, about 34, and a number of them are Tibetan Buddhist. For many years my Bhutanese friend Tsering and his family ran a local restaurant called the Desert Sage that sadly just closed this month. We will miss the restaurant and his family but in celebration of the many treasured years, I tried to make our very favorite stir fry dish at home- a vegan version of Tibetan Shapta. Ours came out well using vegan Be’f tips, but it is… spicy and warms you from the inside!
Shabda or Shapta is a traditional Tibetan dish of stir-fried meat and vegetables with a little bit of chili and herbs.
• 1 tsp. powered ginger or 1 T. fresh chopped
• 4 garlic cloves, peeled and chopped
• 6 chopped crimini mushrooms
• 1 tomato chopped
• 8 T. organic tomato sauce
• 1 sliced organic zucchini
• 1 small head of broccoli florets, separated
• 1 organic red pepper chopped
• 9 oz. vegan be’f tips sliced
• 4 T. soy sauce
• 1 large organic onion chopped
• 1 tsp. garam masala (optional), 1/2 cup peanuts(optional), 1 tsp. honey to taste (optional)
• 6 dried red chilies cut in half
• 6 T. olive oil
• 1 cup vegetable stock, from vegetable bullion is fine
• 1/2 cup chopped green onions
• 1 cup cooked basmati rice, with salt, olive oil and vegan butter to taste
1. Slice the be’f and marinate in a bowl with soy sauce and ginger.
2. Make rice, and season with salt, olive oil and vegan butter to taste.
3. Heat 4T. of the olive oil on med. high heat, and saute garlic, ginger and onions in a large skillet or wok.
4. Add hot peppers, tomato sauce and spices.
5. Add a bit more oil and lightly fry vegan beef tips with soy on the other side of the skillet then add broccoli, cook on low.
6. In a separate frying pan add oil and pan fry the mushrooms and zucchini.
7. Add all items to main skillet, add vegetable stock.
8. Place a lid on the skillet, stir and simmer on medium heat.
9. When ready to serve, mix in green onions and use some on the top for garnish.
10. Serve with warm basmati rice!
Serves 4.
Vegan Be’f Tips
Chai Spiced Pumpkin Bread- Gluten, Dairy and Sugar Free
Honestly, this fall pumpkin bread recipe is incredibly satisfying even without there being any wheat flour, dairy or sugar. It’s perfectly sweet and moist and your whole kitchen fills up with the warmth of harvest baking. My daughter who is a precocious teen, doesn’t really like much of what I cook because it’s generally on the “healthy” side- says “mom your bread slaps.” I suspect that means said she liked it because she asked for a few pieces. Have this warm bread standalone or with some vegan butter slathered on it.
1 stick vegan butter, softened
1 T. coconut oil
1 cup Truvia/ Stevia, Xylitol or Monkfruit equivalent
2 organic eggs
1 (15-ounce) can organic pumpkin puree
2 cups gluten-free rice based flour (not almond flour exclusively)
1 1/2 tsp. pumpkin pie spice
1/2 tsp. cardamom and more to top
1/2 tsp. cinnamon
2 tsp vanilla extract
1 1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
1 T. raw honey and 1 tsp.coconut oil to baste on top when finished
Preheat the oven to 325°F.
Cream the vegan butter, coconut oil and sugar substitute together.
Crack eggs and add to pumpkin and vanilla and hand beat, about 20 strokes.
In another bowl, mix dry ingredients: flour, spice blend, baking powder, baking soda and salt.
Add the dry ingredients to the creamed ones and blend.
Well grease a 9×5-inch bread pan. Pour in the batter, it should look similar to peanut butter in texture, thick.
Bake for about 1 hour and 1/2 at high altitude.
Glaze with 1 T. honey and coconut oil and cardamom while still warm.
Let cool before serving.
I have a new, healthy and nutrient-dense addiction. I must confess that I regularly indulge in this newfound recipe that happens to be in celebration of our October harvest month where we have pumpkins and pumpkin seeds galore! It is a cardamom, pumpkin seed milk that uses no sugar; all of the sweetness is plentifully supplied by the natural sugars from pitted dates. This makes about 4 to 5 servings and I keep the remainder covered in the blender pitcher and then give it a quick blend right before I drink it as the pumpkin seeds can settle a bit as they tend to be heavier and separate. One glass of this is a meal in itself and pumpkin seeds have a mind boggling amount of health benefits to your heart, digestion, they help as an anti-parasitic and for cancer prevention. They are loaded with with Omega 6 oils- this chai-spicy smoothie is so amazing that I’m sure that you too will become a pumpkin cardamom milk addict! Cheers and warmest fall wishes to everyone!
5 Cups of Fresh Water
1 Cup Dry, Unsalted Pumpkin Seeds
6 Pitted Dates
1 tsp. Cardamom Powder
Place all ingredients into a high powered blender and blend until smooth.
Repost from https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/11-benefits-of-pumpkin-seeds#TOC_TITLE_HDR_8.
Pumpkin seeds are one of the most commonly consumed types of seeds, and are good sources of phosphorus, monounsaturated fats and omega-6 fats.
A 1-ounce (28-gram) serving of pumpkin seeds contains (37):
Pumpkin seeds are also good sources of phytosterols, which are plant compounds that may help lower blood cholesterol (38Trusted Source).
These seeds have been reported to have a number of health benefits, likely due to their wide range of nutrients.
One observational study of more than 8,000 people found that those who had a higher intake of pumpkin and sunflower seeds had a significantly reduced risk of breast cancer (39Trusted Source).
Another study in children found that pumpkin seeds may help lower the risk of bladder stones by reducing the amount of calcium in urine (40Trusted Source).
Bladder stones are similar to kidney stones. They’re formed when certain minerals crystalize inside the bladder, which leads to abdominal discomfort.
A couple of studies have shown that pumpkin seed oil can improve symptoms of prostate and urinary disorders (41Trusted Source, 42Trusted Source).
These studies also showed that pumpkin seed oil may reduce symptoms of overactive bladder and improve quality of life for men with enlarged prostates.
A study of postmenopausal women also found that pumpkin seed oil may help reduce blood pressure, increase “good” HDL cholesterol and improve menopause symptoms (43Trusted Source).
Summary: Pumpkin seeds and pumpkin seed oil are good sources of monounsaturated and omega-6 fats, and may help improve heart health and symptoms of urinary disorders.
Enliven and preserve your eternal inner goddess! I lived for quite a few years over in Nepal and India, and the women of all ages there have long, dark, gorgeous, healthy hair. They didn’t use hair dyes as much as they like to use natural plant based henna- the stuff of belly dancers and burgeoning goddesses!
I found one that’s already ready to go from the company called Lush which makes natural, mostly packaging free cosmetics that I adore and often try to reproduce at home. Here they sell a ready-made block of nutritive henna with cocoa butter and coffee. This does not chemically damage your hair. Henna can be a bit drying, and it’s a long-lasting color deposit. It can not lift your existing color, but pretty good for tinting any stray, pesky greys (not that any of my readers or I have any greys of course!)
It is pretty simple to use. Each block offers 6 coloring squares, use 1 for each coloring.
You will need a bowl, spoon, boiling water, gloves and a plastic head wrap.
Use a knife and cut one square.
Boil about 1 cup of water and place henna brick in a bowl.
I add 1 T of hair oil to add more moisture.
Cover the henna with hot water and stir with a spoon until it forms a thick cake like batter. Let cool.
Then, with a gloved hand spread henna onto hair, henna is great for root touchups!
Next, place a cap on and leave henna for two hours.
Then rinse all henna out with gloved hand in warm water.
Use a light sulfate free shampoo and then condition. Rinse. Style as usual.
Every week I use color depositing conditioners to keep hair toned and… lush!
Remember: Do not use home or salon color over hair that has been hennaed, as there can be damage.
For more info: https://www.lushusa.com/stories/article_how-to-use-henna-hair-dye.html
The natural almond and lavender soap-free facial cleanser is one of the best selling products at Lush. It can be quite costly though, it’s about $16 for a small 3.5oz. jar and you can easily make a similar replica at home yourself for a fraction of the cost. Once you have the ingredients you can make it again and again with the same supplies and I don’t recommend doubling the ingredients because this makes enough for about one to three months.
It’s an all natural almond based gentle exfoliant cleanser, that has clay, vegetable glycerin and essential oils. You can also use it as a detoxifying mask and leave it on to pull out toxins for about 10 minutes and let it dry then wash office you would any other clay mask. The way that this is mostly used is that you take a small pea sized amount your hands and add some warm water and press into your palm to form an almond milk-like cleanser, that can be used every day, it’s like an edible almond treat for your skin!
https://www.instagram.com/p/CTsm4P5vw05/
How to Make One Month’s Supply
This replica recipe my approximation and very similar to Angels on Bare Skin™
Natural Almond Facial Cleanser Recipe
1/4 cup of ground raw, Organic Almonds, ground semi fine, retaining some texture
3 T. of Bentonite or Kaolin Clay
1 T. Vegetable Glycerin
1 T. Honey
1 tsp. Apple Cider Vinegar
1/4 tsp. Rose Water
1T. Lavender Flowers or Purple Russian Sage Flowers Dried
6 drops of Lavender Essential Oil
6 drops of Rose Essential Oil
2 T. water (+/-)
Place all ingredients except water in a bowl and mix well.
Add water and mix with a spoon into a thick, dry paste.
Roll into a ball, and form a tube shape.
Roll formed tube into dried flowers.
Store in an airtight covered container, to prevent mold, or refrigerate if you live in a warmer climate.
Use a pea sized amount with water to clean face, daily, rinse.
“Advice on the Path”
Teachings given at Swyambunath, Katmandu, May 2006 This is an advanced teaching for tantric practitioners, but may benefit anyone who experiences stress, anxiety or insomnia. Permission to repost on FemTechOnline.com given by Rinpoche on Sept. 3, 2021 May it be of benefit.
Good morning, I would like to begin the teaching with a short meditation. Then you can ask some questions. But first, please bring your “lung” down, below the navel.
I have been teaching Westerners for about 15 years. In the beginning I didn’t realize that Westerners have so much “lung”. “Lung” and clarity are connected, the clarity-mind. Tibetans in the east don’t have so much clarity; so that doesn’t bring up so much “lung”. “Lung” means speed, wind, restless energy in your body. Between the gross body and the mental, there is the subtle body. It is connected with “tsa”, “lung”, and “tigle”. The lung’s main place is below the navel. But because of lifestyle circumstances, subject and object, with the fear and wanting to accomplish so much within a short time, all your attention goes out through the five senses, just flies outside and lands on the five objects and then there is glue there, strong glue. You glue onto the objects and then there is a mixture of glue with hope and fear. And that comes back to you as lung. Then you have this buzzzzzzzzz.
When you stay in New York City, there is buzzzz, speed-buzz. Although you think “I have no job, but I have plenty of money, my relationship is good”, but New York City’s blessing is buzzzzz, you feel you must do something! That is also connected with the fear. So we have this I think. I call it “fear of existence”. And that creates some kind of speed, restlessness and then worse, it becomes anxiety. I think that is the major disease in this speedy world, and it needs to be brought down. If you don’t bring it down – even if you practice meditation, then it becomes like the car-engine, without going. Just wheeee ! You are not going anywhere! So you sit there with this speed and you chant mantras, and it becomes worse. You try to meditate, but it becomes worse…I think the mind, needs to connect with the body, the subtle body. And then find this lung and breath it down. There is traditionally a technique called jamlung that might help. If not, just mentally find that restless energy in your body. Not in the mind. Of course the mind and the body are connected but sometimes the lung is not connected with the mind. It just becomes a physical buzz. And that is also sometimes connected with tightness. So find that and bring it down.
This is becoming your weak point and ego tries to own that. So ego, the speed, the fear, all becomes one lump. And then it becomes very tight, tight inside. And it becomes your life-program. You always live with that, no matter what you are doing. Even when you are talking, listening, reading, even when you are in an airplane, there is some tightness there. That tightness is actually connected with the wind.
We have five different winds. One is called upper-going wind and that wind is supposed to stay below the navel. So it goes up and connects with the nerves and then becomes locked up. Then it gives you muscle-problems and creates a lot of emotions at the wrong time, in the wrong place. When this wind goes up, it becomes very emotional. It’s like a bottle of mineral water – half is water, half is air. So your head is like half is the brain and half is like open air. Your head feels so big… That is wind, which went up in the head. And then the face becomes red, eyes becomes burning, then agitation. All this is the subtle body’s problem. Of course it is created by the mind. But once it becomes physical, although mentally you think, “Oh, no problem, I am fine”, this problem remains in your subtle body. So basically you need to bring it down.
Loving kindness, compassion, devotion and feelings are very good for bringing this lung down. If you do it authentically, it gives another kind of buzz – devotion-buzz: “Om mani peme hung, om mani peme hung”… It’s like listening to good music. So this blessing settles the lung down. Clarity will not necessarily bring the lung down. But if you do very good rigpa or Mahamudra-practice, free from any clinging, then there is nothing that can get hooked. So the stress or restless lung just drops. But sometimes there is an undercurrent of some ego-clinging. Although you think your clarity is up here, deep down you are still holding something on the view. So there is one thread, subtle thread…
When lung is up here, then your lifestyle is like that of a teenager:” What to do – new boyfriend – new girlfriend?”…. So hope and fear brings lung up all the time. Then when you sleep, it goes down. In the morning when you wake up – zoom – up again! Because the lung already knows how to go up. You already made a habitual pattern in your physical system. As soon as you grasp, this lung comes up. I have had this experience because I did one project and then this lung came up. I worked 15 years with Drukpa Kagyu-book project. So that was very tough. But then I developed a method to bring the lung down.
There is no way without going through the mind. Mindfulness on the mind and then sort of scanning to find this speedy lung and then mind, speedy lung, again connect. My example is: if you have children and if the children stay in the childrens’ room, then there is no problem. But if the children come into the shrine-room, then there is a problem. Is it the children-problem or the location-problem? It is the location-problem, not the children problem. So lung actually is no problem, we need that lung. But if it goes in the wrong location, then it makes problem.
The best way to bring down lung is rigpa, but rigpa is sometimes too open, too much clarity, it’s easy to be distracted. So you need some focus, subtle focus. So mind, mindfulness connected with the mind and mind slowly scans down the lung, with the help of external breathing. There is a technique where you can hold your restless lung down and then also smile. If you can do that, then it’s very good. I think H.H. Dalai Lama is always smiling, but I don’t see any lung in his face. He is a always clear, not cloudy, not burned, red, watery eye. His eyes are always bright. Very engaging but I think he knows how to bring his lung down. Some lamas because of their lifestyle, like H.H. Khentse Rinpoche always sat like a mountain. So his lung was like a solid rock and then he engaged within that. H.H. Dalai Lama – always engaging – that kind of style is easy to bring lung up. But being motionless like Nyoshul Khen or Khentse Rinpoche, that doesn’t create so much lung. But our modern lifestyle creates too much lung. So bring it down.
When you have too much lung, you have almost two personalities. It is like a big screen CNN showing something and then below there is a message-wave. But it doesn’t connect. One is talking about Mr. Bush, an other is taking about the Share Market in Taiwan. So you have this double personality. When you have lung and you are engaging with something, the subtle, undercurrent is talking about something different. Then you are really tight. That’s a sign of lung or non-focus. So fully synchronize, focus on your body, bring lung down and then rest in Shamata without support, Mahamudra, Dzogchen or do visualization. Then everything becomes very good, because of clarity, there is full potential. Otherwise it brings up a lot of cloudiness and extra emotions. The whole point is you need to have guts. I think a lot of people have no guts. They become hollow, easy to scare, almost like panic will come. So when there are no guts, you become very emotional, very cloudy. This is the problem. So bring lung down. Make very solid guts here and then this becomes clear, and the emotions are not upside-down. The mind is pure clarity. Based on that structure you have to practice Buddhism. It is not even Buddhism yet; just the foundation.
When you bring lung down, you should not feel dull. If there is dullness, that means your lung and also your mental cognition is down here. Then it becomes stupid meditation. So be sure…Between the Dzogchen and Vipassana we have this problem. Dzogchen is trying to be very clear, clarity went down here and this becomes numb. Vipassana tries to work here but in the end mind and mental cognition also gets absorbed into this stillness. So there is a middle way. Just keep your body completely relaxed. Rest lung in its own place and keep mind totally free from any concepts, any method or technique. Just freely rest, then lung doesn’t come after the clarity. When the mind is active, normally the lung also becomes active, like tail. So we don’t need the lung: “You stay here, this is your place (below the navel)”. So you keep it there. Then the active clarity, openness will be very, very useful I think.
A lot of people who have lung, are usually clever people. They are very active. So because of their active clarity, their emotional life becomes upside down. Anytime I give Dzogchen or nature of mind-teaching, in the retreat they practice very well. Then when they are out of the retreat, of course they have lung-problem. Then they take all the other methods trying to bring the lung down. They try to do yoga, they do Vipassana, and they do breathing and all kinds of scanning. So during the whole year they try to focus on their physical comfort. But you can maintain physical comfort mainly by bringing the lung down. With this scanning, with this gentle vase breathing, if you do it well, it will stay. It can save a lot of time. And when you hold that, even when you go to the office, you will not suffer from restlessness. Otherwise if you stay in three-year-retreat and then you come out – a bit crazy, because the lung went up. So the challenge is that the raw material of lung sits here, below the navel and the heart is open. Mind, nature of mind, the cognition becomes clear. Then I think it can make a very good basic practitioner.
So now ask questions: what is the most difficult area in your life, or the most difficult when you practice meditation. (Three western monks arrive to the teaching) Oh, three “Nepalese” came! One hour late! So these three monks do not have any lung-problems..! So can we discuss what is the most problematic area in your general life? Maybe there is some advice from the Buddhist path. Or when you come onto the meditation path, maybe you have some difficulties. Or when coming to the Vajrayana, or to Mahamudra or, Dzogchen. So what is the most difficult practice of your life? Based on that then we can discuss. Otherwise you have heard thousands of teachings already, so it becomes just another technique.
STUDENT: Rinpoche, in dealing with the emotions I have heard for so many years that the different yanas have different approaches. And in the Vajrayana it always says we take the emotions as the path. In Jamgong Kongtul’s “Creation and Completion” text he mentions that when we have a particular emotion, we should visualize ourselves in the form of the deity. But honestly I don’t know how to apply that or the whole idea of taking the emotions as the path…
RINPOCHE: I think you have to have a certain attitude first. An attitude towards the emotions. Not as an enemy, not as abandoning them. And then sort of bring it in. But there is a trick. Don’t truly follow them but bring them in. It is a little bit like the Aikido method – you go with it and then kick it out. At the end you have to kick out the emotion but not bang it. So first you welcome the emotion and then it becomes part of you and it becomes a little bit relaxed. Then you apply the method so it is taken as the path. The emotion and you are going in the same direction at first. Then slowly you say bye, bye.
Within the emotions there are five poisons. Within the five poisons, there is one predominant element – the ego. You have to abandon that, no matter what. Remove ego and the five poisons become transformed. I think that is the best way. When you are joining with the emotion, it really transforms the ego, and it freaks out. Ego is very happy when you are challenging it, because ego then becomes important, and is holding onto the method, – object and method – so ego becomes very spiritual, very holy. But underneath is the same root, same wire…
When the emotion comes, we are sort of cheating the ego: “Ok, I am also emotion, I don’t mind, emotion is good, actually I follow it”. So the ego freaks out, and doesn’t know what to do. And from there you go out through the nature of mind. First welcome, transform a little bit and then look in. When the ego doesn’t know what to do, recognize rigpa. Then rest. To recognize rigpa at the beginning is sometimes difficult.
STUDENT: is it better to live with the emotions for a while rather than acting upon them?
RINPOCHE: Emotions come from your investment, from the alaya, habitual pattern stored in the alaya. Sometimes emotions are not created, but you just sit there and from your alaya – pop- it comes out. We need to know how to deal with that also. A lot of emotions come when you practice preliminary practice, ngondro. Some can cope with it, some cannot take it. So it is very challenging through that time. But when any obstacle comes, any emotion comes, this method is the best, to at first welcome it. Do not confront, just welcome. But don’t stay too long. Then you become part of the emotion. You understand more or less..? Technically you understood, but whether you can do it or not, that depends on your skill of practice.
STUDENT: Is the emotion always based on a thought?
RINPOCHE: Some emotions, particularly pure emotions are not necessarily created by the mind, but when the emotion comes, it informs the mind. Then you know it is emotion. But it comes sometimes not necessarily through the mind. Some emotions are already in your physical system, so when the physical system “clicks”, it comes up.
STUDENT: Like fear, when you walk and suddenly you trip up….
RINPOCHE: That fear we need, Buddhism also says. It’s called healthy fear. Until you become a rainbow body you need that fear. That fear is part of our relative truth wisdom. If you sit there and a tiger comes, then do something with your clarity. Run is better? Pretending you are dead is better? Or make funny noise is better? You have to do something to protect your physical body. If when a tiger comes, you can do like this “Oh, transparent, it doesn’t obstruct”, then it is ok. The tiger will not eat you because you’re a rainbow body. Until then, we need this fear. But what I am talking about is this buzz-fear. That fear is very unhealthy.
STUDENT: When fear comes you feel it from the soles of your feet to the crown of your head. You feel this kind of adrenaline rush. But I find with some emotions like anger, it is more than something I can intellectually talk myself out of, because it takes hold in the body. Your face becomes red or you feel some tightness. Then I try to think how to deal with that. It’s almost more overwhelming than any kind of intellectual fear…
RINPOCHE: This kind of anger has two systems, you have to deal with both the emotional system and the mental understanding. You have to “click” both otherwise it will not go. You have to do something with your physical body, like therapy, not Buddhist therapy. And then the mental understanding: “Oh, why is this anger?” So you have to enlighten this understanding and still stay in your physical body. Then you do some mantras, some visualizations, and some transformation practice. Understanding practice and feeling practice need to go together, like loving-kindness, compassion, devotion. There is a feeling in your physical subtle body and there is one with no feeling. Just understanding, just clarity. You need both in order to work with the emotions.
STUDENT: It seems that you can let go of the object and mentally try to reach a state of loving-kindness or tranquility. But at least in my own experience, the body seems to take longer time to settle back.
RINPOCHE: That’s ok. As long as you stay in the mind, the ego grasping is gone. The feeling will not give you any karmic pattern. But it becomes uncomfortable for you. But it is not a sin. Sin, “dikpa” is created in the mind. So when your mental grasping on the anger is gone, that is not really “dikpa”, but it is distracting for your physical body if you don’t take care properly.
STUDENT: How do you separate your personality from the ego?
RINPOCHE: Buddhism talks about two things: cause and condition. Some personality comes from your past life package. Some personality comes from the environment where you live, how you are brought up. As long as you have the five skandhas, ego is in charge. But actually it is not really there. So I think the best way of understanding of the five skandhas, is by an understanding of impermanence, understanding of non-solidity. So when you sit down and look: “Oh, this is the five skandhas, this is thought, this is emotion, this is I and this is my personality”, then you can see that there is a space in between, where you can find openness, insight. Otherwise everything is me, ego, my problem, my personality – we call it me, but actually it is not really me, me like holding all these things. (Rinpoche clutches a lot of different items). “This is me, my personality”. But then you start to see: “Oh, this is the air-condition controller, this is Rinpoche’s blessings, this is a statue”…Then slowly, there is no me. The grasping is a little bit loose and within that you see space, then you just rest. But still there is knowing, cognizance and you know that all these are connected. So the ultimate wisdom knows the relative phenomena. Ultimate wisdom, egolessness knows…In the Mahamudra we call it “rochig toma” – one taste, many. And “toma-rochig”- from the many, one taste. “rochig toma, toma rochig”.
So it is very important to balance the relative and the ultimate understanding. It is not like a black and white understanding. I know in the West you like to put everything in black and white, systematically. It works very well when running a country, but sometimes it does not work so well in the individual life. Too organized is maybe not so good, some organization is good. So make everything so there is a connection, but not one lump. There is connection with the space and the knowing of the relative function through not holding everything as one lump, as “me”.
STUDENT: To take the mind as the path or to take the awareness as the path..?
RINPOCHE: The mind as the path has two steps. Awareness as the path has only one step. If you are skillful, awareness as the path is better…one time I had a very good photographer in California. And I asked, what is the key-point of photography? He said:” Relax, be natural, look, and take”. When I did that, all my photos were up here! But for him that is his talent. He knows all the other techniques. Because he becomes very natural, he becomes himself, he looks at the view in the lens very openly, and then he can take a picture. Then it becomes a very good photo. When his inner lens, his mind, is not cloudy, then he uses the other lens to take the picture. But when his inner lens is very cloudy, it doesn’t know how to cooperate with the other lens.
So I think once you have a good stable rigpa practice, that is the best way. Just recognize rigpa, that’s it. Any emotion comes, just re-recognize rigpa. There is no other way. The emotions naturally become purified. It’s called self-liberation, liberation upon arising, liberation without benefit or harm. So that’s the best way. If there is still something lingering there, although you are totally in rigpa, then: “Oh, hello, I am sorry, I didn’t know you were here”. Then you engage with that and make some kind of handshake so the emotion doesn’t feel left out. It’s a big thing in America, left out – must include. If you don’t include then it’s a big problem. With this method you include the emotions:”Oh honey!” Just say honey, it doesn’t mean much but they will be happy, just like a mantra: honey, honey. Just say honey to your emotion and then you do what you want to do. Same technique we always use: “Oh honey, why don’t you clean my shoes”. You are pursuing the honey but at the end you do what you want to do.
This is just one hand, this side and that side. Both sides are ok. You more or less have to accept it. Emotions are your emotions, whether you are skillfully managing them or not. But it is your thing, the emotion is you. Emotions are your production but used properly or used wrongly that is it. From the Mahayana or Vajrayana point of view emotions are fine. But if you use them wrongly, these emotions are harmful. You need to know how to welcome emotions. It doesn’t mean that you follow all the way. That is the samsaric way of welcoming. If whatever the desire is, you follow it completely, then there is no freedom. This is close to Homeopathic and Aikido- technique, poison taken as medicine. It is poison material, but if you take the right dose, it becomes medicine for the disease. That means you are following the poison, but you also transform it.
STUDENT: Rinpoche, you said that sometimes we can have emotions without thoughts. Is that because we all have “tsa”, “lung” and “tigle”?
RINPOCHE: Yes
STUDENT: Emotions come with that because our bodies are made with those. So then meditation practices involve “tsa, lung, tigle”, is that another way of taking emotions as the path?
RINPOCHE: It is suppose to be that. But you need to know the right way, otherwise it doesn’t function. This Tibetan “tsa, lun, tigle” is designed for the Tibetan mind.
STUDENT: Do I have different “tsa, lung, tigle” than Tibetans?
RINPOCHE: No, but sometimes in modern life we have this subtle restlessness, an emotional problem which we don’t have in Tibet. So they assume you don’t have that problem and then they teach a lot of jumping, a lot of breathing. Sometimes it’s too much, you might get more lung. So instead you go a little bit like yoga: you really take your time, scan yourself and loosen up the knots. Over the years there is the collection of restlessness and underneath there is one’s ego. And you need to let it go. It takes a few months, a few years to really let it go. Then seal it by the mental understanding and it will stay there. So before we practice Tibetan “tsa-lung”, I think it is good to practice the preliminary practice, the Jamlung, subtle vase-breathing.
Most Tibetan people don’t have this speed-problem. They have a dullness-problem, opposite problem. In most of the three-year-retreats they sleep. When they come out of three-years-retreat, expert on sleeping! So a lot of “trulkor” works for the clarity. In the West the clarity is quite ok. But if clarity is mixed up with emotions then there is a problem. Anything harsh doesn’t work for the body. But a very long time of gentle nurturing opens up. Then the heart is very good. So I think there needs to be a little bit of a new design. But both methods are in Buddhism. And chanting too much is no use in retreat. In some retreats they chant for the whole three years. But if you chant properly, with the feeling, then it is very good for the lung. But if you chant without feeling and the mind is thinking something else – from the mouth restlessly chanting – that is also very bad for lung.
STUDENT: That’s still relative level. When you say chant properly, that means resting in rigpa..?
RINPOCHE: Rigpa or with the mood. With Vajrayogini’s mood. The mood is very important. Vajrayogini and you and in between, the communication is the mood, with the mantra. It’s like acting. A good actor could have the whole of Gandhi’s mood when he is acting. So although he sleeps, it’s with Gandhi’s mood. Tomorrow he wakes up, he drinks just like Gandhi. So slowly, slowly, he can become exactly like Gandhi. If you stay 12 years in retreat practicing Gandhi’s visualization, with full trust, full love maybe you become like Gandhi. So it is the same. You have Vajrayoginis enlightened qualities, Vajrayogini’s love and compassion. Then there is communication, communication, acting, acting, with the feeling. Not dry acting, like Nepali actors:”Trululli lu”…No crying, no juice, nothing. Even 100 years of that kind of practice, it cannot become Vajrayogini. Some good Hollywood actors are told:” Please cry”, they cry immediately, it will not take more than three seconds: their high accomplishment of visualization, with the feeling. I think when Tibetans visualize; they come naturally with some feeling. In the West I think you are cut off from the feeling of the body. So you have no feeling, still you visualize but are dry. You must have feeling, appreciation, devotion and compassion. Every sadhana-practice is like that. But with no feeling then it become a mental drama. That is very bad for the lung. And that is why Vajrayana practice gets a lot of complaints: “So much chanting, so much visualization”. Because you could not get the full feeling. Then it becomes useless.
For westerners I think it is very good to first bring your mind into the body, fully into the body so that your mind becomes emotional, feeling, and sensitive of the body. From there bring the clarity- practice Dzogchen. Otherwise Dzogchen becomes maybe a little bit spaced out. One way is to bring in clarity and then zoom down, close. That is not good. It’s called stupid meditation. A few hours practice, nothing happens. One other way is: “I want to practice Mahamudra, Dzogchen”. The clarity zooms up, so the heart is cut off. So please practice correctly.
What is the most difficult – emotion, restlessness or discipline? I think discipline is the problem.
STUDENT: Do you have any advice about discipline?
RINPOCHE: I think discipline is the major problem for old practitioners. At one level you don’t practice, always staying there somewhere. It doesn’t go very far. People who come to the Dharma are usually quite smart people. They have some kind of understanding of emotions and negativity. Something is bothering them. Then they come to the spiritual path and after they practice a few years, they get this technique:” I know how to bring lung down, I know how to liberate a little bit”. You are quite happy with this technique and then you are stuck there. So you are satisfied with the wrong thing. From a Buddhist point of view, it is a wrong limitation. “This practice gives me joy. Morning one hour and then daytime here and there connect with the rigpa. For rigpa-practice no need to sit in one place, I can go many places, even go shopping”. You think you are practicing when shopping but most of the time you don’t. So you have some assurance that “I can practice any where, any place, any time and I am quite ok”. That becomes the major obstacle. Not going further. Do you understand? That’s why there is a danger for the “Grand Samsaric Master. Through the spiritual practice you know samsara well and the spiritual practice helps samsara to run better! So when you have accomplished that, then you don’t practice any more. When you have problems, lung comes up, bothering you, then emotions, then you practice. When everything is ok, then it is enough. So that is becoming a mundane therapy without having to pay others! That will not really give you a full picture of enlightenment.
If you think “I have achieved this, but I want to achieve more”. Then the next jump to enhancement is the bodhicitta-practice. “I am quite ok. If I can become better, do more practice, do more retreat, maybe I can help sentient beings”. So that’s the click we need. When you have that, then discipline naturally comes. (Rinpoche stops the noisy air condition). The lung went down. This lung we have all the time, with the fear. When you practice, then you turn on the aircon also: “Om benzra satu..”When you switch it off, then relaxed. This is a big difference, very important I think. If my practice goes well, when I practice I become more rested. Then the more you practice, you will not get tired. When this is “on”, then you get really tired.
This is, I am sorry to say, just stupid practice, there is no insight at all. You don’t need this in order to function. But when you become addicted to this, without it you almost cannot function, and then you are very sick already. Then you have to spend so much money on therapy…You understand? But maybe you don’t have this problem. You have stayed too long in Nepal. Maybe you have the opposite problem. “Huncha, Huncha, no problem”. Today always the same, tomorrow always the same. I have one gardener, he always says: No problem, I will come tomorrow at four o’clock”. But he never comes. So my gardener is really Nepali. One day I had a big talk with him, really rough Nepali way of talking. I never talk like that:”If you don’t come, I will kick you out”. But however roughly I say, he answers: “Huncha, Huncha”… He said he will come – still he didn’t come! Every time when taking money, then he comes…
STUDENT: Rinpoche, when you practice and get a bit tired, could that be a sign that actually…
RINPOCHE: There are two ways of being tired. One way is that you sit too long, the blood circulation is not so good, and the body might be tired here and there. This is a different way of being tired. The other is being exhausted mentally, with no mood, no uplift.
STUDENT: So there should always be an uplifted feeling after practice?
RINPOCHE: Yes uplifted, but not like black and white uplift. Not like that. Instead a very pure, clear kind of uplift. Almost unconditional openness. Not like taking coffee-uplift or sugar-uplift. Not like that. But very subtle and normal uplift. When you see Trulsik Rinpoche, Khyentse Rinpoche, Tulku Urgen Rinpoche, there is always uplift somewhere in their mind. In their computer-program there is always openness, uplift, juice. But they are not hyper-uplifted. It is very gentle uplift, organic uplift…
STUDENT: Sometimes Rinpoche, I think maybe I am fooling myself and I think I am recognizing rigpa when really I just achieved the calm state. So should I just carry on as if?
RINPOCHE: Carry on but with the three excellences: refuge, bodhicitta, meditation. At the end dedicate. Then you will not go wrong. Just carry on. To make sure your recognition is authentic you can depend on three things: your own experience, the oral instruction from your teacher and an authentic book, like Longchenpa. If these three things go together, then there is no way to fool yourself. You have to check that with the help of your intellectual mind.
STUDENT: Rinpoche, if we did some connection with the formless as the path in Mahamudra, what is the benefit of still doing for example, “Kyerim” or “Tsalung”-practise? For example you see the great masters who really are resting in rigpa, but they still keep the form aspect of practice. So what does that add to Mahamudra and Dzogchen?
RINPOCHE: It is a little bit style but actually once you have very authentic, pure understanding of mind nature, either from Mahamudra or Dzogchen, then honestly if you only practice that, within that all the other qualities are naturally included. Then I think you don’t need so much. Within the rigpa, the essence rigpa is emptiness; the expression of rigpa includes all the other qualities like love, compassion, devotion, and pure perception. All these are within the rigpa. But if you also do some accumulation of merit, it will help to give better opportunity. Maybe the merit will give you a father who supports you the rest of your life. Or maybe you will have the right girlfriend or a wife who supports you and both of you practice the whole path. Or maybe you teach in the future, maybe you will have better students. So merit makes all these arrangements keep going. But if you really have all the qualities within the rigpa I think it is sufficient. But Tibetan people they don’t want to take such high risk, so they do both.
STUDENT: Because the best way of accumulating merit is to just rest in rigpa?
RINPOCHE: Yes, if you really can. But sometimes you cannot. It could become a dry rigpa, completely dry. Not expression rigpa, no display. Purely dry, with no thoughts, no emotions, just dry, vacant. That is not good. You have to have the juice, full juice. One great khenpo called Khenpo Munsel didn’t chant, he didn’t do anything for 20 years except for resting in Trekcho. But most of the Tibetan lamas they are a little bit scared. They don’t want to take a high risk so they do both. Khyentse Rinpoche is different you can’t count him. If he was chanting or not chanting or just sat there, for him it didn’t matter. So why not chant within rigpa. And maybe there is also some commitment, so he didn’t want to break that. When he got teaching, maybe the teacher asked him to practice this for the rest of his life. I think Khyentse Rinpoche followed such commitment. Some sadhana you also have to keep up in order to be able to give the teaching. Like the Sakyapa’s: everyday you have to chant the whole thing. If you miss it one day, then you cannot give the empowerment of that deity to other people. So that also makes a lot of lung..!
In the west I think you really need simple deep relaxation. Really, this is very important, I think. Your lifestyle makes you tight, very subtle; the tightness is rooted deep, deep down. Because of that you become successful in everyday life. Somewhere there is “Work, work, I must do it, I am not happy, do more, do something”…Because of that you do a lot of things and then there is success. But sometimes it is distracting for you. There is a way where you can do both I think…I call this modern civilization disease. In America children around 11-12 years old they already have these problems. Because the education is very high on clarity, not so much on emotions. The emotional development is very messed up.
One time I was flying from New York to California, it’s about five hours. Behind my seat was a girl about 12 years with her father. The father made the girl cry all the way, with a honey-smile. But she cried because he gave so many reasons why she was here to her. She understood the reasons, but she needed some flexibility with emotional freedom. So that is very suppressive. The more you get very high education here, then it is suppressive, you lose the carefree, lose the cute, wild openness…15 years old children are already like this:” What is the life?” Seed of worry already planted. That is very bad for opening the heart. But I am sorry; we are all too late already. But there is a way we can clean up. Bring the lung down and every time the bus comes: “Oh bus, let it go”. Then you walk and move without the air conditioner “on”.
STUDENT: Can you say more about how to bring the lung down?
RINPOCHE: First you have to make the connection between the lung and your mind. Just make connection, connection, just long breathing. Then once you have made this connection, then you bring it down with the mental scanning of the lung, with the help of the external breathing, slowly breathing in and out. Then it goes into the center channel and becomes purified. So restlessness, lung, need to become normal lung and then go into the center channel. If you train in that, one day you will naturally know. After 1-2 months practice, the breathing might help you to come down. I think yoga teaches a little bit like that. When you have good lung coming down, all the big muscles in your body also loosen up. You become quite light. Especially you will not become chicken-hearted, not that scared. Some guts is there, some bodhisattva-elements, heroic element.
I think we need to practice renunciation and a little bit modern way of renunciation. The old way is: “Life is too complicated, there are 1000 yaks and I don’t know how to handle it. In order to have yaks I need to go to the fields, go to town”…In order to maintain the lifestyle, there is some kind of suffering. But now this life is changed. If you have a bank account and money in the account, you will get a lot of immediate pleasures. Like this air conditioner – immediately on, immediately off. So we are caught by this now. Sometimes because of no air conditioner we might not practice. If you are a little bit dull, you don’t try to clear it from inside. You immediately depend on external clarity. So with a lot of dependence on that, you become caught by immediate comfort and you like it, it gives some immediate pleasure. So the real renunciation is gone. Do you understand? So a new way of thinking become: “Because of all these circumstances I cannot practice the Dharma”. So this is my renunciation object”. You feel sad about that.
“Oh, how I spend my life. The day I became a Buddhist I thought that after 20 years I will have accomplished something”. Now 20 years has gone. How you spent it: a little bit here, a little bit there… And now again you think: “After 20 years something will happen”. So last 20 years it didn’t happen. It might not happen after again 20 years if you don’t change lifestyle…Do you understand? Honestly, if you practice Dharma well, the Dharma will transform you. Look at many beings. Kalu Rinpoch, Chatral Rinpoche and Nyoshul Khen Rinpoche are not born as rinpoches. They are just normal beings and they started from the beginning. And if you end up like Tulku Urgen Rinpoche I think there is no regret. If I end up like the Karmapa or Khyentse Rinpoche I have no regret at all even if the Dharma is wrong, even if the path is completely wrong. So the Dharma can achieve something. But the lifestyle is not like that. So the last 20 years, every single day more or less you think: “After 10-15 years I will have changed, I will have achieved some Dharma”. But then the days, the years are exactly the same. Yesterday is gone, today is gone similarly, tomorrow is similar to yesterday, day after tomorrow is also similar…2007, 2008, 2020! Who are you?!! So you can reflect. All these obstacles are not the suffering obstacles. All these obstacles are the pleasure obstacles, immediate pleasure.
Although you want to practice you think: “I need the best view and the best” kuti” with the right water. Good air, no one bothering, good view, good tree, no Mao problems, then I will practice”. But if you really work hard you might achieve this kind of location. You can find it in Thailand; you can also find it in Katmandu. It is achievable but then it becomes the obstacle sometimes. So you think of all these circumstances. Then you reflect on renunciation based on that.
When you have a real inside change, then renunciation is not a problem at all. You will be very happy and delightful wherever you are. Wherever you practice there is some joy with that simplicity. Because this unsatisfied fear with the ego-lung is changed, is transformed. For example yogis in Tashi Jong have a very simple life but are very rich in their mind stream.
You should use your practice and many of you know how to, but if you don’t, your life becomes a little bit like a hippy. Hippy-practitioner as a lifestyle. If you are happy with that then it is ok. But there is a possibility that you can achieve enlightenment also. That is missing.
STUDENT: How can you use discipline so it improves your practice and also find a balance?
RINPOCHE: You need to have discipline mainly on your action, not inwardly, otherwise it becomes uptightness. The focus of discipline is the laziness. “Oh I need to practice, this is my practice, I want to do”. Just thinking with your mind very tightly, but you don’t do it and you feel a little bit guilty. That kind of discipline is torture. But with healthy discipline, you drop everything even for only ten minutes. During those ten minutes you completely let it go and then practice the Dharma.
You need to apply immediate action. That kind of discipline is very good, without worry.
“Oh I need to practice. Last 20 years are gone like that. Now Tsoknyi Rinpoche told me and I finally realized it. Now these coming 20 years might also go like that. That will happen exactly at year 2020. So I worry”… But you are not acting; just to keep worrying won’t help. Just do! Just do it! Action! Just do it chanting, do it meditation. Just immediately do it. At any occasion, any time, just do it. In the taxi, in the home, when cooking, any time, just do it. And also see what creates more obstacles for not becoming disciplined. Try to change that through organizing yourself and then make discipline. I think daily practice is very good, three hours sitting every day at least. It is not so much, you need to sacrifice a little bit, and you need to change lifestyle a little bit.
You wake up at 5 o’clock. HH Dalai Lama wakes up at 3 o’clock every day. But he organizes it; he goes to sleep a little bit early. If you are a householder you organize it as a team, children, everybody. All talk together, big talk first so there is a common ground. Then respect each other and follow the system. Nyoshul Khen Rinpoche practiced at any place and his wife also practiced. Everybody becomes like one team of Dharma-practitioners. That is very good.
But please don’t follow the way I am exercising, then you will never practice. It is a psychological problem. I need to go to an exercise place but I have only 15 days in Katmandu. No point of going, I think. I should have at least two months time. So I am waiting for that. But there is almost never two months. Actually if you go 15 days regularly and when you are outside of Katmandu, you can do home-practice. Like Mingyur Rinpoche, he is so disciplined. Everyday he practices exercises. He is so slim, so thin, so shiny, no belly… So even if he only has ten minutes before eating, he practices something like jumping 100 times. And that is enough. I could do that also, I have more time than him. But I am waiting to join a club. And so I end up like this (points at his belly). Mingyur Rinpoche travesl more than seven months a year, but he still keeps that discipline, that health club. 20 minutes is so easy, you can find many places. So it is a state of mind. So the kind of mentality that is not OK for practitioners is: “I need to do retreat, to have a good circumstance, I have to talk to the family, and then I will practice”. But this never happens! Never ever happens.
STUDENT: What is the best way to exercise for reducing lung?
RINPOCHE: “Trulkor” – Tibetan yoga and walking in the forest is very good. Everything is green and then just walk and rest in the nature of mind. But when trekking sometimes there is a bad road, and then you have to think. That is not so good, and then the lung will also come up. Better not to use so much mental grasping. At the same time there is some clarity in order for maintaining walking but your mind is not activated.
If you have lung, shopping is very bad, especially for men’s lung. For woman it’s OK. The best way for woman’s lung to come down is to go to the department store. Then lung comes down. For men, one day inside the department store, you go crazy, so many things! In the department store they have a special light that makes you very tired. But it is different if you go as a practitioner. Then it’s OK. Then you go relaxed and that is also a very good practice. But everywhere, anything you are doing you have to have an inside program, a Dharma program and based on this program, you run the whole world.
STUDENT: Program – does it mean the same as motivation?
RINPOCHE: Motivation, plus your mobile phone is “on”, your rigpa is “on”, and your compassion is “on”. You are the computer and then you put in a program. “Today my program is generosity, today my program is resting in the nature of mind”. You go with that program. Then there is no problem. With motivation and attitude you then turn the mobile “on”, then you have what is called in Tibetan “sungjuk”. Then you have consecrated with the help of “yeshepa”. When you consecrate it means the wisdom being is brought into the statue. Otherwise it is just a statue, an object of reminder for the Buddha. But there is not much blessing. Here you are consecrated by the Dharma and with that “statue” then you go shopping! You should live your whole life like that! Then you become a spiritual being. Otherwise you switch off your mobile, come home in the car and then there is nothing, just hollow, no center. Then everything you see is distracted by that kind of state. Then there is no center-point. So you are lost, exhausted, scared. This kind of people the shopping centers really love because you keep buying! Otherwise if you are self-centered and relaxed, you look into the shopping mall and do offerings. When you see nice shoes, you offer: “Sazhi pocho jugshing metog tram”… You are not giving any money to the shop-owner, but you still offer! They don’t like you. When you are completely lost and hollow: “Wow, how nice, ok where is my credit card?” They really welcome you!
When you go into a big supermarket, you can make merit anyplace, anywhere. In a big food market in America, one section has 40 different toothpaste, 100 types of toilet paper, 50 different kinds of shampoo. So many fruits, nuts, dry, fresh, organic, flowers… You see it and feel a whole different world. Then immediately you offer it: “Sazhi pocho”…Let it go, appreciate the goodness of all these things. That is also Dharma-practice. You are changing the concept.
I can do that in America because I am not American. But I cannot do it here in Nepal. Whenever I see a bumpy road I get angry at the government because I was born here. I should offer the road also and practice compassion… When I am in America I am so happy. Those people are very intelligent but they often have emotional problems. If we could change that, then America is the best place to live I think. They have a lot of freedom and they can live in many different ways. The country is very open, the cars are very big, the roads are very big, and people’s thinking is very big…After three years I become American, I get citizenship. But I can’t become president, because I was born outside. Yangsi Tulku Urgen Rinpoche can become president! I thought I was ahead of him but he already has citizenship. He is still the father. For me so much struggle, stay one year, applying. He just came out in Washington DC. It’s close to the White House!
Anyway, please be happy, it’s important! Not stupid happy, but really happy. Loose the lung down and then apply a lot of discipline. Then I think it will be good. Life is a big thing but when it comes down to the simple basics, it’s just surviving. Just one dahl-bat, that’s it really. Dahl-bat is the basis of life. If that is gone, then there is big problem.
In the world there are a lot of unhappy people, more and more unhappy people. If you can make people happy, then maybe many people can become peaceful, unconditionally happy. The essence of love is just really to be fully open, now, just being happy. Our basic “buzz” needs to be like that. Then you engage with other things. But if the basic “buzz” is unsatisfied, fear, guilt and restlessness, then that is your main source of suffering. In the morning you wake up, something is wrong. Every morning you wake up, something is wrong. But what is wrong you don’t know. You look at many things, compare your life with other peoples’ lives and then it looks quite ok. But something is wrong. That is the disease of lung. So clean that let it go. If you do, it doesn’t slow down your lifestyle. You can still carry on with your project, your family, your Dharma, but without this extra unnecessary force. It’s very unhealthy.
In Nepal we have a different drive: “Oh, it cannot be done, it will not happen, it is so difficult, I will not manage this”. They have this fear. There is some kind of dullness in Asian people’s mind. I think the Dharma need to address all those things otherwise it goes “switch”. Your problem is here, the Dharma flies over it and you pretend “I am fine”, especially in front of the teacher “No problem, fine”. Smiling an artificial smile. But you still have the “buzzz”.
So completely look within and let it go. I think it’s a big jump if you can do that. I am trying to force that to happen and I am trying to make world-peace based on that. That really cools things down and then it is very peaceful for you. I am writing one book about this, connected with loving kindness, compassion and with this restless lung, how to bring it down.
Today the main subject has been lung. The symptom of lung is speed. But I am not talking about action speed, just mental speed, restless speed. That is unhealthy. First we need clarity but the symptoms in your physical speed we don’t want. That is the cause of stress, anxiety. In the West we don’t have so many methods to bring down the lung. Except for holidays! Go on holiday, make a lot of love, drinking, taking drugs, those things. It makes you happy and brings your lung down temporarily. But the side effect is so strong. You drink alcohol and you feel a little bit relaxed because the mind becomes a little bit drunk, so it doesn’t hold you, it gives a little bit of guts. But then you keep drinking, keep drinking and become alcoholic. You have a lot of relationships. Every time a new person comes, your lung goes down. But that person has also a lot of problems: yes, no, different opinions. Then your lung is brought up again. “This person is wrong, the other one is better”. So you go with the other person. In the beginning everything is fine and lung comes down. Then again: “This person is wrong. I’ll go to another”. So your relationship always changes.
When you have a good lung, guts, then everything becomes stable. The character of lung is instability. For the speed of mind and the subtle body, there is not so much advice. But once it becomes very bad “tsoklung, nyinglung”, then there is Tibetan medicine. If it is a very bad lung, then it is maybe not so helpful, so do, for example Tai Chi. Just sitting is good, stupid meditation is good, just sinking down. Like a cow in Boudha at Chabahil (the traffic-junction near Boudha), no lung at all if you look at them. If you have a very strong lung you need a good sleep, a good relationship and to do stupid meditation.
STUDENT: Warm oil massage also brings the lung down.
RINPOCHE: Tibetans say that to eat meat helps but meat makes you dull. Protein gives some earthy element, grounding. Because lung is light, it needs some grounding. And deep, deep down all these problems are grasping, ego-grasping. Really. Any of these problems are self-ego-grasping. You need to let it go, and then everything cools down.
STUDENT: You were saying that bodhicitta and loving kindness-practice was good for bringing lung down. So maybe that?
RINPOCHE: If you know how to do it in the correct way, otherwise it will bring more lung. So slow down and think: “I have 100 days of doing nothing, I have all the time in the world”. That is very good for the lung so then practice bodhicitta. I am talking more or less from my own experience. When I have lung, it is always connected with timing: “I have to do this, to do that, to go here to go there”. All this brings lung up. So the antidote is “Ok, I have all the time”. Talk a little bit to your restlessness. It is really important. Otherwise because your system already has a pattern for this restlessness, when you practice Dharma you will follow the same pattern. I make a big deal of this as a preliminary practice for anything you do. Sit down and talk to yourself. Even though you have only one hour, you think it is 100 hours. “If I finish the practice it’s OK. If I don’t finish it’s also OK. I am not just going to practice. I am really, really going to relax”. OK, do that!
Bring in your feeling or sensation into your body and then settle down. The root of the visualization is appreciation for the Buddha, Dharma and the lineage-carrier in the form of Sangha. So you have a strong appreciation and based on that visualization you can visualize Buddha Shakyamuni in front of you. Buddha is looking to you and is free from all obscurations. Buddha is the embodiment of love, compassion and wisdom. Vividly visualize Buddha in front of you, life- size and looking directly at you, then communicate between your inner Buddha and the external Buddha. Then supplicate: “From now until I reach full enlightenment I take refuge in the Buddha, Dharma and the Sangha”. Really do this with the devotional emotion. That will be very helpful for you to transform your neurotic emotion, your uptightness. Then you will feel safe and secure. The ultimate refuge makes you feel completely safe from your own negative thoughts and emotions. You feel utterly and basically safe and that is different from subject and object. So the relative refuge and the ultimate refuge sort of work together. Based on that mood and that understanding orally we take refuge.
And then slowly Buddha melts into light, and the light dissolves into you. You, Buddha, Dharma and Sangha are inseparable. If you can, rest in the nature of mind. Within the nature of mind the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha’s qualities are there. So you rest with that.
You are not stuck by the method, or clinging to the technique or the meditation. So let it go. But at the same time don’t be distracted and don’t meditate. If you meditate, your mind becomes conceptualized. If you are distracted, then that is how you spent all your life. So there is no distraction. Simply rest within the essence of mind. I think you can pursue phenomena through the five senses and understand through the clarity of the mind, but without registering. So it is called “knowing without grasping”. If you grasp, you are registering. But if you don’t know, you are cutting off one part of the omniscience. So especially in the Dzogchen meditation you are allowed to perceive the five sense phenomena. The sixth conscious memory is also allowed to come. Not only that, but all the 84,000 emotions are allowed to come in. But don’t follow, don’t record. Don’t push the saving button. If you can rest without concept, that’s the best. Concept means understanding based on subject and object. Here knowing, understanding or being aware is without relying on an object. The subject itself is the understander. Fully rest. You record, but don’t press the saving-button. It just comes up on the screen. Then let it go. This is called liberation based on arising.
If you can, don’t do anything. This is very subtle. The emptiness is very casual, knowing is very lucid but not intoxicating. So just be here but without being. Your butt is on the ground but not stuck, not glued.
Especially your eyes need to be very alive, just like fresh flowers. If the eyes become a little bit two-dimensioned, then it affects the brain cells, then it affects the mind. So nowness without stuck on the now. 360 degree open but you are not stuck on the openness. When it’s stuck you are missing one quality of the rigpa, the third quality – empty essence, natural clarity and unceasing compassion. So you are blocked and that mind cannot be omniscient.
So we are looking for this kind of cognition. Cognition without grasping, without subject and object. And the senses are very fresh in the nowness, and you are able to rest and to continue. Knowing that is called the view, trying to sustain that is called meditation. Whenever you are lost, coming back into the view is called conduct. Keep doing that for a while.
Keep on with this but not blocked, not stuck and with a very normal consciousness. If you practice this well then there will be the juices of rigpa. Without losing the essence rigpa, the expression rigpa comes as devotion, love, compassion, and sometimes it comes as insight. If you have that, then I think your meditation is going well.
Even if you practice for very long, six to seven years, no juice at all, that means that any time you practice something is stuck in the rigpa. So you have to break that. It could be the alaya, it could be shamata without support, it could be a little bit spaced out, and so unceasing compassion is not there. So you have to destroy the stuckness. I can see sometimes people have these problems. Not only you, sometimes I also get stuck! You know that you are stuck and you have to practice.
There are different ways to break this stuckness. Sometimes you do a bit of rushen or you do the three-fold space practice. But that could make you stuck again in space. You do a bit of enhancement practice. Then one day I think you will be very normal, but very rich. Very clear but not like light clear. Very mineral water clear. Not electric light clear. Very clear from the bottom and even clear from your bones. Clarity is when all the senses are very normal; all the currents in your body are very normal, very in harmony. Within the harmony, deep down there is clarity. So please try that.
When you come to Katmandu, there are many religious things you can get stuck with. In the West you are stuck by external obligations. When you come to the east, you get stuck by the methods. Some inner holding is useful, there are many different methods, but somehow you get stuck by the method itself. In the East many people and teachers are also influenced by different techniques. In Tibetan Buddhism we have so many techniques so everyone says: “this technique is good, that technique is better, you should do this, do that”. Of course you should do that but then you get stuck and overwhelmed by Tibetan Buddhism’s many methods. Then you lose the key-point again. It’s called a spiritual trap. You run from the worldly economical trap and then you come to the East and to the religious Buddhist method trap. I think it’s slightly better than the other one. You need to let it go but not abandon it: “Oh, I’m not going for “kora”, not doing mantra” – Then you abandon the Dharma. Within it you have to find the essence. Our human mind has this black and white understanding.
Khyentse Rinpoche did all the methods but he was not caught by them. He was not really emotional about his chanting or got stuck with his chanting. It was just part of his practice. But he also had the translucent clarity of rigpa. Within that he practiced.
I think if you really want to use your time properly in Nepal, you use both the practical and the spiritual path, both methods. At the same time understand the essence of nature of mind. When these two are combined, then it is useful. I think that many students are stuck by so many methods. And now Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche is not here so you will not get so much support for practicing the nature of mind. He is one of the heroes in Katmandu valley. So he really supports you. If you do all the methods, then he also supports very much just resting, sitting in the nature of mind. Nowadays you cannot find so many Dzogchen teachers. They are a little bit afraid of talking about it and instead, say: “Oh, you must do all the regular practices first otherwise it is very dangerous”. Then you start to feel: “Oh, maybe I am doing wrong, maybe Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche was wrong, maybe simply resting the mind is not sufficient, maybe I have to do all this first, do all that first”. To attend many years in the Shedra, do again the whole Ngondro, do billions of mantras – maybe too old for that. So I feel this is very much happening, in the West and in Nepal also. Less guts to go directly to the nature of mind. Teacher afraid, student afraid!
Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche always said you should do one Ngondro and have one good yidam, nature of mind practice, accumulation, and devotion. Upper, devotion, lower, compassion, in the middle, the right view supported by one yidam and then go on. Keep going, Jonny Walker! Just keep walking, keep going, keep going! You who received Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche’s teachings and did not study all these things, it’s ok. Just keep going with his teaching. Full devotion to him and the Dharma and keep walking. And practice with the discipline.
Those days at Nagi Gompa arriving at three o’clock, at seven o’clock there are already teachings on the nature of mind. So happy going up to the mountain! Nowadays when I go and see other teachers, there is a lot of tantric smell, very good and pleasant. But you cannot hear at all about nature of mind. The nature of mind is hidden or maybe not there… Maybe they don’t know, who knows. You cannot be too much romantic about lamas. Maybe sometimes they do not know about nature of mind! The West has a romantic feeling about Tibetan Buddhism, which is very good. Not against it, but…
Please come back again and again. Do the yidam-practice, bodhicitta, compassion – they are so important. But at the same time, the non-conceptual clarity view is extremely important! Our mind is very conditional, like a hungry dog. Wherever there is a smell of food, you go there and then you are stuck there. It is very dependant. Long time ago I didn’t understand about the Western concept of having support. Nowadays I think support is very important, spiritual support.
Before I didn’t want to buy a computer but now I have bought three times. Why? Because of so much influence and support from advertising that you should have it. If you don’t have it you are not OK! So they sell by instilling fear – “You are not happy because you don’t have a computer”. You are caught by that, buying a computer because your inside is hollow – no love. You are looking for conditional love all the time. Because no human value, no inner value is there, so you are looking for external value all the time. For a short time you become happy. You think it is inner value when you get your new computer and for the first few days, so happy! But when it gives a problem, you think, “My inner value is giving me problem”. But actually it is the computer. So everything is mixed up. Not such a wise way of living. So you must have an inner chip, inner program. Buddhism is set up very well with an inner chip program. And rigpa’s program is like a mini chip. Everything is there, everything is included. So if you really practice nature of mind well, all the Dharma is included there. It’s like a mini chip. But you can also have different discs. You can buy refuge disc, compassion disc, but then they are left here and there. Better to have one small, click! So please have more guts on the practice.
The computer sellers are doing their job so well and we have to do our job – not to become sucked in, not to promote our lung. Looking too much into a computer promotes your lung. Because you can do so much in the computer within a short time, you become greedy and then you want to do a lot, have full information authenticity. But you can’t, it takes time. So you rest, you change attitude and be more patient. “Ok I know it takes time, I’ll work slowly, if page comes or not, no problem. Ah so good, I have opportunity to rest in the nature of mind in-between”…
Anything you do I think has to have an inner program to deal with that. Then I think you will transform. Like Shantideva said: “You can’t transform the whole world and cover it with leather, so instead you put leather under your feet”. That is beneficial for you.
STUDENT: When practicing, there are undercurrent thoughts…, I can feel the clinging is definitely still there. How can one be free from that?
RINPOCHE: There are two ways. One is the traditional way; another is a modern way. The traditional way is: because you are not fully in the ripga, sometimes the clarity is resting but not fully united with the emptiness. That’s why you give some opportunity for the undercurrent thought. It is very important not to mix up the undercurrent thought with the normal thought. If you are in rigpa, as soon as the normal thoughts come they are self-liberated. So there is no problem. Everything is done on the spot. But with undercurrent thoughts, you just stay in rigpa but here it makes some story. It does not really come to the surface but behind is some story. There is some clinging, some hope, some fear. That means that natural clarity is not unified with emptiness. Then you re-focus so it becomes a little bit sharp, full. Then this undercurrent thought will go. Sometimes this undercurrent thought is worry and you have already built up a quite long history in the form of undercurrent thought. Although you are resting in nature of mind, because of the undercurrent thought, it becomes like two departments. So when you are resting in nature of mind, this other one is doing its own thing. They say it’s caused mainly by worry and fear and that makes subtle tensions in its own way. So when you practice and have this that is not good. So what you do is that everything goes down into this. Also the clarity – zoom – join it. Try not to cut it. Just let the upper practice really go into the undercurrent thought and join it, so one level drops down. Do you understand? You come down and really relax completely and look into the core of the fear, the fundamental core of the uptight fear. And within that you find rigpa.
This undercurrent thought – we call it thought but actually it is lot of subtle emotional fear. Fear, work and connection with different project: building monastery-project, translation-project, running Gomde-project. On the surface it is the practice but there is another mind working with this project. That needs to be brought together. If you don’t bring these two together, then it’s not healthy and that will create some major problem in the future. So either way – you synchronize or you go into that emotion, that worry and from there join, make peace talk between them. Then you make this into a habit.
Sometimes by resting in nature of mind it’s perfectly fine, no undercurrent thoughts. But then depending on your lifestyle, sometimes some worry comes because rigpa is too open. So rigpa gives too much freedom for thought and emotions, they are allowed to come. In shamata, you don’t give any freedom, it’s like a monarchy. Rigpa is fully democracy. If everybody is well educated, then there is no problem. If not, so many things come. All the time there are demonstrations because you are not occupied with one thing. So anything can come. So if you have a major big worry, that can also come into the rigpa, because you are not blocking or suppressing. There is no suppressing at all in rigpa. Everything is fresh and open. But then anything can come. So if something comes, forget about rigpa. Then turn your awareness to that, then within that you find rigpa.
All the cells, all the senses, all the thoughts, and all the emotions they are looking for liberation. All sentient beings look for well being or freedom. Anger needs love and compassion. So every cell in your body is looking for some well being. So happiness is our basic sentient beings’ right.
If you have a project this undercurrent thought comes up easily as lung, speed. Then it’s sometimes good to practice loving-kindness. Really go down to the undercurrent thought: “I think you need some love, you need some ice cream of compassion, and you need some moisturizing cream”. So you fully rest with that and then when they have become quiet, then I think you need the clarity also. “You are quite moisturized but you look stupid! You need some clarity”. Then you can approach emptiness, egolessness within that.
Sometimes Dzogchen gives you the impression that clarity is up here. Of course clarity is here. But if you are caught up down there, it you don’t bring down the clarity, it has its own world. Maybe the palace is very clean, but it doesn’t know what is happening in the street. That’s why the streets become the problem for the palace. So between the palace and the streets, it’s cut off. The palace stays so rich, so much food but the street is the problem and sooner or later there will be problems there. So zoom down, moisturize, therapy, yoga and then give clarity. Then in modern language: mind and heart are working together. New age way of talking, without religion. I think it is very important.
In Tibet if the mind is OK, then naturally the heart becomes part of that. So many teachings are on the mind, to make mind clear, because mind is not that clear sometimes in Tibet, sleepy. If you practice much feeling, mind becomes naturally clear also. But in the western world there is quite a big gap between the physical and the mental. The mental does its work; the physical does its work. No communication between them. Then the foundation will go down, without communication.
It’s a very good point, this undercurrent of thought. It is very problematic and we take a lot of advantage of it also. Because the undercurrent thought is somewhat connected with a hidden agenda. So the hidden agenda is working with this undercurrent thought: “Hi, so nice! But the undercurrent thought: “Maybe this person is not so good”. So there are two worlds and we give quite good right to the undercurrent thought to go on.
So what is Buddhism’s hidden agenda? In everything we do there is a hidden agenda. I think Buddhism’s hidden agenda is bodhicitta, compassion. If anything you do is to achieve bodhicitta – relative and ultimate bodhicitta – then it’s fine. That’s the whole point. When you look at the bodhisattvas way, they teach bodhicitta. In order to fulfill bodhicitta you have to do the six paramitas, visualizations, prostrations, mandalas, all these different methods to achieve bodhicitta mind. In any Buddhist practice if you don’t have this hidden goal, it does not go the right way. If you don’t bring bodhicitta into the prostration and the prostration’s hidden agenda is to be healthy: “I am doing spiritual practice”, but secret agenda is “maybe I’ll get some muscles’, maybe my blood sugar will go down”…So its ok, but your hidden agenda is not bodhicitta. Sometimes this hidden agenda is missing I think. In any Buddhist practice the final focus is bodhicitta. In order to fulfill bodhicitta we do millions, billions of different methods. So we should not forget our mission, the hidden agenda. That’s why Nyoshul Khen always says: “Good motivation, check your motivation”. In the middle of the teaching he says: “Ok stop the teaching now, check your motivation”. He changes his motivation and he asks us to change our motivation. So this is to not forget our mission.
Sometimes practitioners’ motivation is quite selfish. High class selfishness: “Me peaceful, me joyful, me happy, me well being. In order for my well being I use other people because it’s interdependent. If I don’t make her or him happy, I will not become happy”. It is peace, selfish peace. Selfish peace becomes our hidden agenda most of the time I think. That’s why beings are always stuck in samsara.
Sometimes when you do many things externally it destroys your hidden peaceful selfishness. Then you lose the motivation to help others also. Quite often it’s like that. You want to help a project, “Wow, so happy”, but somewhere halfway – also everything goes well, but it doesn’t go according to the fulfilling of your hidden agenda – then you create some problems. Then halfway: “I am sorry, I am going”. Especially voluntary work, easy to get out. If you get paid, then it is different. Although you don’t like it, you cling to the cash! So you become tolerant: “Although I don’t like it, I must do it because I need these US dollar in order to survive. So I think your hidden agenda is very important to change. Then I think you will really have inner strength. Tulku Urgen Rinpoche, Khyentse Rinpoche and HH Dalai Lama they never get tired, exhausted to see people, to help people. If the people are happy, they are happy. It the people are not happy, they are happy also! So it means they are really well established in their hidden agenda, with bodhicitta and sealed by unconditional love, really sealed by unconditional love. Then you get real strength and you are not becoming like a Tibetan prayer-flag. Wherever the wind blows, the flag goes that way. No wind, no support, no excitement, nothing, then it goes down.
Whenever I get mentally tired it’s because of not having really good bodhicitta. One time Tulku Urgen Rinpoche stayed at Osel Ling for six months and I was staying about two months with him. He sees people, he put consecration in the statues, and he gathered all these things and he sent people to Kha-Nying and Nagi Gompa. So many things he did from morning to evening and I worked with that. I got really, really completely exhausted, really tired. So I said: “I would like to go to Pokhara”. He said: “What?” Really in my mind came the idea of wearing normal cloths and going on the lake, drinking some Coca Cola, just resting, looking at the lake with no obligations. So I said “I want to go to Pokhara”. He said: “What?”. I said it three times and he said “Why?” Then I felt a little bit funny. He asked: “Why are you going?” I said I like to go there a bit to rest, relax…”What, why?” So he asked all the reasons why I need to be relaxed and rest in Pokhara. Why not rest here. And he pretends he doesn’t understand. He takes advantage of his lack of hearing. Which he don’t like so much he said “What?” Then you ask two, three times and then your mind becomes loosened up or something. He used that method quite often. So then I gave up, I didn’t go to Pokhara. But there is a big thing in my mind: he is about 70 and I was about 30. I am really exhausted, he was not exhausted. He was still full of en
